No Middle Men, Just Skinny
by TheSuburbanSprite
Summary: 'How in control can we really be given that we're nothing more than an assemblage of stardust hurtling through a boundless linear dimension on a bigger star' - Sasuke Uchiha has an eating disorder; Naruto Uzumaki loves Sasuke, but needs to come to terms with it before Sasuke loses control for good. Narusasu. AU Modern.
1. Chapter 1: Stardust

Hello!

So, new story Chaps and Chapettes! And this one is about an eating disorder - I've honestly just taken to full on making Sasuke's existence hell I swear. First with the epilepsy in The History of Nothing and now this...

In my last story though, it was a bit easier, because I actually am a little epileptic goblin (not all epileptics are goblins, just me; I legit am: sit in the dark, shuffle about, swear at everything...) So anyway, I've kind of wanted to write something like this. Basically, after work or university, my fiance and I binge documentaries like the sad little sea urchins that we are and I saw one on men with eating disorders and I was like 'well damn...'

Anyway, this is also a Narusasu story...Yay!

I hope you enjoy, this is just the first chapter so it's just kind of starting, or introducing? Anyway, enjoy! :)

* * *

Chapter 1.

Stardust.

 _Control._ Everybody fights to exercise it; we pursue it compulsively. Like honey badgers, we're blind, unyielding, and merciless, in our chase for governance over our own lives. Without it, we perceive that we'd be embryonic nothings, coasting chaotically through existence.

However, how in control can we really be given that we're nothing more than an assemblage of stardust hurtling through a boundless linear dimension on a bigger star?

The illusion of control and the need for it is fed, and damaged, by the ever-enduring media. The polished pages and variegated television shows are fat with the unattainable. Women with unimaginable waists and unthinkable hair. Men with swollen biceps and symmetrical faces. 'It was easy,' they say, 'with the right diet.'

The truth is, it isn't easy, and it isn't glamourous. Where was the prestige beauty in tube feeding? In scabbed knuckles, hair on your pillow, and ruptures in your throat?

If somebody had told Sasuke, what control would do to him, he might've found a way to let go. People don't wake up with an eating disorder though, it isn't as if one day somebody drops a boulder smack bang down on your world; instead, some sadistic beast drops a tiny seed that spreads into an all-encompassing bindweed.

For Sasuke, that seed was a leaflet…

"What's this?" Kiba ripped off a flyer from the corkboard, his blue sleeve grazing Neji's face as he went. Sasuke saw Neji inhale quickly, his scalene muscles disappearing beneath his clavicle with the effort of holding his breath. "Krishna Body Popping," Kiba read off the flyer and then rolled his eyes, brandishing it towards Sasuke and Naruto. "That bloody community centre, no wonder the council's trying to shut it down; the crap they keep hosting." He sighed.

"Kiba, you're torturing Neji," Sasuke muttered, taking the flyer and glancing at the image printed on the front. Kiba looked back at Neji, who had turned puce and grimaced apologetically.

"Sorry, I haven't changed since I left the shelter," he admitted, sweeping wiry quills of dog fur from his baseball shirt.

"You never do," Neji pointed out, scrunching his face up. He had a point, Kiba frequently blunderingly forgot Neji's life threatening allergy to dogs and threw him up against the constant threat of anaphylactic shock.

They were all milling around the cramped atrium of Castle Dusk, which called itself a touring venue, but was really just a pub with a tiny, and poorly constructed stage. They were waiting for another two of their best friends to clock off work: Shikamaru Nara, and Sakura Haruno, both of whom didn't finish their shift until one in the morning.

"I dunno, Kiba, this one might be for you," Naruto smirked, tearing another flyer down and waving it in their friend's direction.

"Jazz mums, get your jazzercize on," Kiba read and then shot Naruto a look of deepest disgust. "Ha ha."

"Oi, you dickheads, stop ruining my corkboard," they all whipped around and saw Shikamaru Nara there, struggling with a barrel.

"Oh boo you, you buzz kill," Naruto gave him a thumbs down.

"What's this?" Neji was holding something, "Endurance for Charity," he read off the flyer, "it's to stop the council closing the poxy community centre," he flapped the piece of lime green paper with an eye roll.

"Endurance?" Kiba whipped the sheet from Neji's hands so quickly that Neji winced, sticking his finger in his mouth where Kiba had left a papercut. Kiba's eyes flew over the print of the lurid piece of paper before he scoffed. "Fear factor obstacle course with a bit of fire, water, and a few electric shocks…Piece of piss," he waved his hand dismissively.

"Oh really?" Neji smirked, snatching the flyer back.

"Yes, really," Kiba maintained and behind them Shikamaru snorted with laughter.

"You're all talk Inuzuka," he snickered and Kiba scowled.

"Right, I'll do it, but with the rest of you," Kiba snapped, staring round at them, his gaze testing.

Sasuke smirked, and averted his attention back to the corkboard: somebody was selling a freezer for twenty pounds, that was far too cheap, it must have a body in it or something…

"Go on then," Sasuke's full awareness shifted back to his friends. Neji was grinning at Kiba whose face was torn between irritation and the wicked impishness of the challenge.

"Yeah, go on," Naruto joined and Sasuke felt like he had butterflies inside; this was not the challenge for him, he wasn't as built as them, wasn't as impressive….

And then it hit him; none of them were asking him if he was going to join them, why? Did they perceive him as weaker than them? He bristled.

"Yeah, okay," the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them; because, it's something like human nature, impressing other people, it's how we seek validation.

"Great," Kiba didn't seem to even notice the internal war going on inside Sasuke; full-blown Guerrilla warfare tearing him apart, and nobody batted an eye. "So, I'll see you all down the gym, first thing, yeah?"

"I guess you will."

* * *

Sasuke liked getting back to his apartment late; that way, there was no way his neighbours could try and engage him in invasive and prying conversation, and would all be in bed, so their lace curtains would remain un-twitched. He didn't know what fascinated them so much about him, he'd moved into the flat when he was eighteen and lived there alone for the following five years. He hadn't always lived alone, or in Oxford for that matter, his family had simply depleted over the years. Sasuke had once lived with his mother, father, and brother in Arundel; however, following Fugaku's heart attack whilst Sasuke had still been in secondary school, his parents had emigrated to Cyprus believing a change of country would help them manage his father's high blood pressure. The reality was, Fugaku's heart attack was nothing to do with the UK; _it was all down to Sasuke's older brother, Itachi Uchiha._ No amount of beautiful Augean sea could wash away the scars that his brother had left…

Still, his parents seemed happy living in Cyprus from what Sasuke could tell from their Christmas cards and six-monthly Skype calls. He'd been sixteen when they left, leaving him under the guardianship of Itachi, which was fine. At sixteen he was an adult. It was fine. All fine. _Just fine. Fine…_

At eighteen, Sasuke had packed a bag and left, phoning his brother from the Oxford train platform to tell him what he'd done. For a month, he lived in a hostel whilst he looked for a job and then saved up a deposit on a flat. He never bothered going to university, it was the type of thing his parents would've wanted for him, and for some reason that made him repel the very concept.

So there Sasuke was, twenty-three-years-old, working as a receptionist in a tattoo parlour, living alone, and avoiding his neighbours.

After he'd keyed in the code to his flat, he slid inside and closed the door quickly behind him. He kicked his shoes off, and hit the dimmer switch, throwing his apartment into a soft, saffron relief. He was in a state of disarray as he made his way through to the living room and sat cross-legged on the grey-felt sofa. _His mouth had run away with him_ , Sasuke was not cut out for an endurance race. He was naturally svelte, it wasn't anything he'd thought to worry about before. He bought his fingers to his lips and began to gnaw at them. Surely, to win an endurance race, you had to be both the strongest and the lightest? Well that seemed impossible. Sasuke scowled, staring ahead at a photograph of him and his friends mounted beside a mirror on his wall.

 _It wasn't impossible for him._

 _Nothing was impossible for him._

 _His self-control was boundless, he could achieve anything._

For broken people, who refuse to acknowledge their own damage; control becomes an addiction. They use it like a gloss or paint to hide a fragmentary and desperately sad centre. However, just like every other addiction, control has a dark and violent core waiting to erupt…

* * *

Oooh, like I said, this is just introducing stuff :) but please review, I appreciate it a lot!


	2. Chapter 2: Pumpkin Spiced Latte

Hellooo!

Uber speedy update today!

I hope you enjoyed the first chapter - please tell me if you did :D

Much love!

Chapter 2.

Pumpkin Spiced Latte.

The sun was just sneaking through the heavy granite curtains drawn over Sasuke's transom window. The early morning light cast a corundum glow over everything and caught dust motes dancing in its rays. Everything was sweet and silent, Sasuke was in a state of complete ataraxy curled in his body scuffed bedsheets, trussed in dreams.

An obnoxious clamouring, so shrill it went all through his apartment, stunned Sasuke awake.

"…The fuck," Sasuke lay on his back, blinking up at his gypsum plaster ceiling. If his alarm hadn't even gone off, it meant that it wasn't even eight 'o' clock yet. A phone call this early on a Saturday was about as welcome as a tapeworm.

He twisted and turned awkwardly in his duvet, fighting to free an arm and reach his phone. He eyed the caller ID suspiciously. _Speaking of tapeworms…_

"What?" He snapped, trying to squeeze as much malice into the one word as his still sleep clogged throat would allow.

"Mornin'," Naruto sounded so bright, it was like a poisoned dart right into the side of Sasuke's head.

"Fuck off," Sasuke muttered, moving the phone from his ear.

"Wait, wait!" Naruto cried quickly, and there was a clattering sound and a few yelped curse words as he presumably dropped his phone. Sasuke did indeed wait, scowling up at the light fixture contemptuously. "Got it – we're supposed to be starting at the gym today, remember, big endurance race?" Naruto reminded and Sasuke felt his stomach shrivel into something small and dry – like a date.

"Oh…We're actually doing that?" In reality, he hadn't had much hope that his friends would abandon their derisory competition. Clashes and opportunities to build rivalries like this, were like catnip to his friends and their unhinged hormones. It wasn't the same for Sasuke though, he didn't find their challenges exciting and funny; he spent the entire time daunted, working towards an obsessive goal. _There was something wrong with him, he couldn't have fun like the others._

"Well, yeah. Anyway, I thought I'd swing by yours first, it's en-route to the gym and…"

"It's in completely the opposite direction!" Sasuke barked, feeling prickling as he pushed himself up on his elbows.

"Oh, is it?" Naruto said with a very poor stab at forgetfulness, "oh, I must've gone the wrong way."

"Well, turn around and go back the right way."

"Don't be such a knob," Naruto countered peevishly, and with a noise of dissent through his nose, Sasuke conceded.

"Fine, whatever, you know the code, I'm not arsing about letting you in; oh, and I know exactly where you are, I can hear that weird market guy shouting about cheese. So, go into Starbucks and get me a Pumpkin Spiced Latte," Sasuke ordered before pointedly hanging up.

* * *

Sasuke had showered and dressed by the time Naruto let himself into the flat.

"Hey, dude," Naruto raised a hand, sounding out of breath as he dropped a cardboard cup holder onto Sasuke's transitional coffee table, the heat of the carboard cups cast misty nimbuses on the glass table top.

"Yo," Sasuke reached out and nabbed his latte, working his fingers around the ridged cup.

"I don't know how you can drink that stuff this early in the morning?" Naruto pulled a face of revulsion, resting on the arm of the sofa and watching as Sasuke nibbled on the plastic lid of his takeaway cup, fascinated by his phone.

"It's a limited drink, it'll be out of season soon," he explained, his voice muffled by the cup and he tore himself away from the phone to meet Naruto's dragonfly-blue eyes. "This is precious nectar," he raised an eyebrow and smiled a small smile.

"You keep your nectar, I'll stick to black coffee, cheers," Naruto sighed, reaching for his own cup and Sasuke nodded.

"You do that, I keep getting garbled texts from Kiba, did that kid get a single GCSE?" Sasuke scowled at his phone and shook it like it was an etcher sketch.

"I think he did…In PSHE," Naruto said slowly and Sasuke glowered at him.

"I will block his number if he carries on," Sasuke threatened, as though Kiba would hear him via particles and atoms.

"Just finish your fucking latte so we can leave," Naruto smirked, nudging Sasuke playfully with his toe.

* * *

"What is the point of having a fucking car, if you just make us walk everywhere?" Sasuke puffed as he and Naruto finally managed to schlepp through the gym car park.

"We live inner city, Sasuke you lazy troll; do you have any idea of the traffic this early in the morning, or how much it costs to park for that matter?" Naruto accused hotly, wheezing slightly as they passed a white Ford KA.

"Yes, it costs one pound seventy-five," Sasuke snapped, "It says right there!" He jabbed his finger towards the big blue 'Pay and Display' sign. His gym clothes were already wet with sweat, and a great deal of his muscles already felt pulled.

"Alright you two?" Sasuke saw that Kiba was flagging them down by the gym's entrance, dressed in a lurid red shell suit.

"What does he think he looks like?" Naruto said under his breath and Sasuke shook his head, too appalled to even comment.

"You ready?" He did a little jog on the spot, complete with a few wind-milling arm actions that nearly knocked Neji to the floor. "Oh, sorry mate," Kiba apologised quickly to an incensed Neji, grabbing him by the sleeve and yanking him upright.

"Where's Shikamaru?" Sasuke asked, narrowing his eyes and wondering how the thorny haired barman had wheedled his way out of the gym without any harassment.

"In the pool with Shikadai, kids swimming thing, innit?" Kiba gestured over his shoulder.

Shikamaru was the only one of all of them to have a child, three-year-old Shikadai. He was a good dad, and Temari was a good mum, but Sasuke knew that it was difficult, Shikamaru had never worked until one in the morning before he'd become a father. Both of them were extremely remiss to confess to the amount of benefits they received from the state, but Sasuke assumed it couldn't be much, given how Temari also worked eighteen hours on the weekends.

"Fair enough," Naruto nodded, hoisting his rucksack up. "So, do we just go in and what, start feeling the burn?" Naruto quizzed sounding casual.

"We do," Kiba gestured between Neji and himself, "you two have gotta go to your induction."

* * *

A gym induction, turned out to be the most humiliating and demeaning experience Sasuke had ever been subjected to in his life. It was a kind of veiled mental torture, the kind that is so cunningly masked, it's impossible to fight. He was lead around the gym, like a donkey at a country fair, whilst a man twice his size packed into shorts and a vest, pointed out all the parts of Sasuke's body that needed improving.

"We can even set you up with a dietitian," the man said in his gratingly keen and passionate voice. Overly fanatical men like these, who were so ridiculous they were almost a caricature of themselves, were possibly the reason that Sasuke stayed away from nightclubs. This man was one of the 'bros' of the world.

"A dietitian?" Sasuke blinked and then glanced sidelong at Naruto who looked unfazed.

"Yeah, you know, to help you watch your carbs and your macros," the man grinned at Sasuke as though he'd just told him Christmas was coming a month early that year.

"Macros…What?" Sasuke asked sluggishly, feeling stupid, and the man's expression faltered.

"Macronutrients: carbs, proteins, and fats," he met Sasuke's eyes, counting each off on his fingers. "Did you know that there are _one-hundred-and-thirty-eight_ calories in a can of Coke? That is just useless fat you're putting on your body," he raised his eyebrow and Sasuke blanched.

Beside him, Naruto snorted with laughter, and dug his fists into his pockets.

"That's me fucked then," he shrugged, waving the man's fact with easy humour.

Sasuke could not shake the man's words though, he felt like igneous tar had just poured into his stomach from a floo chamber in his mind. _All those calories in that tiny can?_ How many calories had been in his latte that morning? He was storing those calories, they were sinking into his skin, turning pulpy and fatty…

"Jesus, he went on forever, didn't he?" Naruto rolled his eyes as they finally made their way to a treadmill.

"I guess…" Sasuke shrugged vaguely, not really listening as he veered to a treadmill as far from the window as possible. It didn't matter though, because the entirety of the front wall was mirrors, reflecting his own distressed face back at him. Out of the corner of his eye, Sasuke watched Naruto mount his own treadmill and saw him modify it to: _full sprint, speed seventeen_. Sasuke imitated Naruto right down to the way he dropped his phone into the accessory slot and pushed his earbuds in. When the walking belt kicked into life however, Sasuke was nearly thrown backwards and had to jump into an immediate run just to stay upright.

He turned his attention forwards, frowning at himself in the wall mirrors as he jogged. He had always had this blind confidence, even when he was a teenager, that he was good-looking. However, looking at himself now he saw only a clownish, undexterous creature, unsymmetrical and overbalanced. Was this his fault? Had he grown too complacent and allowed a misplaced ego to run away with him?

Tensing his jaw Sasuke picked up the pace; he ran harder and faster, knocking the speed up to nineteen. _He was in control._ Sweat was gushing off him in sheets, and he imagined he could smell and taste the sugar of the latte pouring out of him as he physically drove those calories from his body, which was under the duress of _his mind_ and _his willpower_. His ankles were hurting as they bent and snapped rapidly against the unnatural terrain of the rubber walking belt. His chest was jerking and heaving with the stress of fighting to catch a breath. It was agony, but the pain was thrilling, satisfying, captivating, and Sasuke relished in every second of it, because it reminded him that _he was master of his own body_. Even though bodily, he yearned to stop, his mind was stronger, and it was his mind that was in control…

 _Control. Control. Control…_

 _WHAM!_

Sasuke nearly hurtled head first over the control board of the treadmill when it ground to a sudden halt.

"What the!?" He wrenched his headphones out and spun around to see Naruto's hand planted firmly over the emergency stop button. "What did you do that for!? I could've broken my neck!" Sasuke spluttered, clutching the handles of the machine for support – his legs felt like they might give way.

"You looked like you were gonna collapse," Naruto said as he pulled his own headphones out and tucked them down his top. "Your face has gone purple," Naruto explained, his flaxen brows contracting in their centre.

"I have not!" Sasuke argued, choking as he toiled to breathe; it felt like his heart was locked in all out combat with his ribcage as it battled to explode out of him.

"Come on," Naruto jerked his head, stepping down and offering his hand.

* * *

"Well, that was shit," Kiba wheezed, clutching at a stitch in his side.

They had left the gym and were limping along the pavement that lead to town central.

"I thought you didn't even need to train, I thought this was all a piece of piss for you?" Neji directed breathlessly in Kiba's direction.

"Get off your high horse, you ball sack," Kiba snapped earning himself a thumb from Shikamaru, who had his son slung over his shoulder.

"Will you stop swearing!?" He hissed, his hair pressed like slick seaweed to his face where he'd been swimming. "Temari will flay me alive, and then you, if Shikadai starts coming out with curse words!" Shikadai stirred drowsily at the sound of his name, rolling his head on his father's shoulder.

"Doesn't Sakura usually babysit him Saturday evenings?" Naruto mused, eyeing Shikadai curiously.

"Don't even start with that," Shikamaru muttered, "we've had our rotas arranged like this for ages so she can look after him on Saturday nights and then both Temari and I get an evening together with him on Sundays. Then, she starts acting all weird, messing around with the rotas – pissing everybody off at work…" He shook his head and sighed heavily. "I've had to make a tonne of excuses for her; I know she's up to something dodgy as well because she's being so bloody secretive." His face creased with uncharacteristic annoyance, and then smoothed once more. "Then again, that's her problem, I guess," he muttered, glancing down at Shikadai.

Like Sasuke, Shikamaru and Temari weren't originally from Oxford either. They hailed from Wrexham, however, they had been forced to flee by Temari's father Rasa. When Shikadai had been born, Shikamaru had only been twenty, and Temari only nineteen. The scandal of their son's birth had rocked both of their family's worlds. None more so than Rasa's though. Rasa had taken it upon himself to constantly hound the young parents with the sinister interference of social services. Eventually, like Sasuke, they had packed a bag and run. They had been left wounded by Rasa's actions however; they were always over-careful, always watchful, and mistrustful.

Therefore, even if Shikamaru did want to find out what Sakura was doing, and whether or not she'd landed herself in trouble, there was no way he would risk entangling himself in anything potentially illegal or dangerous that might jeopardise his family.

"If you walk my way, we can see if Ino and Sai are in and you could drop him off there," Kiba suggested helpfully and Shikamaru raised his eyebrows.

"That's a thought," he acknowledged and then looked in Naruto and Sasuke's direction. "Which way are you two walking?"

"We're heading back to mine – the Xbox hails us," Naruto winked and Sasuke smiled, hitching his satchel up on his shoulder.

"Oh, to be childless," Shikamaru sighed with wistful sarcasm. "Yeah, alright, I'll walk your way, Kiba."

* * *

Whenever Sasuke waited on the steps of the semi-detached townhouse, half hiding himself in the overly pruned English yew, as he watched Naruto unlock the front door, he always felt uneasy. It was perfectly understandable that he felt this way, because Naruto's rented basement room was incredibly illegal, and just a way for his landlord Jiraya, to rake in extra cash.

"Stop dancing in the shrubs, Sasuke," Naruto scoffed, holding the door open and appraising Sasuke's position quailing in the yew. "Border Control aren't going to swoop in on vines you know," he said in exasperation and Sasuke scowled, pushing past Naruto.

"It wouldn't be Border Control, you absolute twat, it'd just be outright police; but if you want to live in a deplorably criminal den, then don't let me stop you." Sasuke said imperiously, leaning up against an umbrella bin and watching Naruto shrewdly.

"I won't, because the rent is cheaper than you would fucking believe," Naruto smirked, before stalking off down the hallway.

"That's because it's undeclared!" Sasuke hollered after him and rolled his eyes when he got no response.

"Hey what's this? It looks like some science experiment that's gone hideously wrong." Sasuke picked up a plastic beaker with a curdled ball sloshing about in something milky.

"Oh," Naruto rolled his eyes with a tut, "that's one of Jiraya's protein shakes," Naruto reached out for it and popped the lid off, when he sniffed it he recoiled quickly. "Bloody hell, he leaves them about and they just go rancid, dirty bastard." He shook his head looking revolted and launched the concoction, cup and all, in the direction of an overflowing bin. Sasuke could never live in a house like this, it was like a living fly-tip.

"But what do they do?" Sasuke quizzed, watching some of the lumpy brew drip down the side of the bin. "Protein shakes I mean."

"I dunno, fills you up with protein I guess? Gym heads literally inhale the things," Naruto explained with a shrug of the shoulders.

"Right…" Sasuke murmured, eyeing the protein shake thoughtfully. _Fills you up_. He was willing to bet if gym heads were guzzling those protein shakes, that they weren't full of calories…

"Oi!" Naruto was clicking his fingers in front of Sasuke's face and Sasuke shook his head quickly. Naruto chucked Sasuke a can of Coke, taking one for himself before saying "let's go game."

* * *

"I don't get how you beat me so easily," Naruto snapped, throwing his controller in a fit of gamer rage.

"I don't get how you can lose so easy," Sasuke chuckled, stretching his legs over the pile of Persian cushions spread on the floor, in a sea of bright colours and patterns like butterfly wings.

"Seriously, I don't get it," Naruto sighed, throwing his head back on his mattress. Naruto didn't have a bed, just a double mattress thrown down on the floor. The whole of Naruto's bedroom reflected him, in fact. The walls were hung with bright tie-dye tapestries, a trail of muddy footprints lead to the bed where his steel-toe-caps were cast aside, washing lines everywhere which were a potential death trap with pictures of his friends pegged up, general mess and destruction wherever you looked…It made Sasuke smile.

"You're erratic, you've got no plan or strategy, you lose control and you can't afford to lose control," Sasuke explained, trailing his finger over a patch of rough embroidery, "otherwise a zombie gets your left arm." He looked up at Naruto and grinned, but was surprised to find that Naruto wasn't smiling back.

"Yeah, but that's where the fun's at, otherwise it's not a game, it's just work," Naruto pointed out and Sasuke paused before shrugging, feeling awkward.

"That sounds like loser talk to me," Sasuke laughed and Naruto joined him, but the laughter didn't quite reach his kyanite eyes.

Both of them lapsed into relaxed silence, scrolling through their phones, occasionally holding their screen up to show the other something.

"So," Sasuke began without looking up, "What was with that whole calorie thing, scary right?" He said trying to sound casual.

"You think?" Naruto quizzed, rolling onto his side to face Sasuke.

"Don't you?" Sasuke frowned, dropping his phone down beside him.

"Not really," Naruto shrugged, "it's just scaremongering isn't it?" Sasuke's insides squirmed at Naruto's dismissive tone.

"You think?" Sasuke pressed, inexplicably desperate to see the hint of a lie in Naruto's eyes, the glimmer of fear, the reflection of himself.

"Well, yeah…Why, are you worried?" Naruto quizzed, looking concerned as he pushed himself upright.

"Me!? God no!" Sasuke scoffed, laughing an unnaturally high laugh, "definitely not." He averted his gaze from Naruto and cleared his throat. Beside him sat the can of Coke Naruto had given him, still unopened. _One hundred and thirty eight calories._ The number was like a little parasite scrabbling and gnawing inside his skull.

"Right," Naruto said slowly, running a thumb over his flushed bottom lip, "if something was up, you'd tell me, yeah?" He asked carefully and Sasuke started.

"Huh? Yeah, I guess, but…" Sasuke trailed off uncomfortably. "Damn, it's getting late, and I need a shower," Sasuke said quickly with an effective little glance in the direction of the basement's high up window. "I better be heading out." He sighed, getting to his feet and stretching.

"Oh, okay," Naruto looked alarmed and began to rise.

"No, don't worry about it, I'll see myself out," Sasuke smiled and waved his hand.

Naruto was watching him, his gaze assessing as he gathered his things.

"I'll catch you tomorrow then, man," Naruto said looking confused and Sasuke nodded jerkily.

"Yeah, sure," he seized his satchel and made for the stairs. "Text me."

With that he was pummelling up the mahogany staircase, trying not to knock over the faded ornaments of toads scattered all through the house. As he drew parallel with the kitchen however, he paused. His heart began to pound again like it had in the gym. He could see them on top of the fridge; a pack of pre-made protein shakes.

 _Wrong. Wrong. Wrong_. He thought.

However, he needed the control, he needed to be master of his own body, just like he was already the master of his mind and soul.

Covertly, Sasuke ducked into the kitchen and pulled down the pack of drinks, shoving them quickly into his satchel. It wasn't really stealing, Jiraya was a tax swindler, and Sasuke paid tax, he was just taking something back.

He walked rigidly from the house and didn't look back…

* * *

I hope you enjoyed:) please review! x


	3. Chapter 3: Bellflowers

Hello my majestic lovelies!

Chapter 3 ooooh! Late night update, how mysterious and sultry...

I hope you're all enjoying!

So, chapter 3 plot things start to happen, ooolaaa...

SIDE NOTE: I've been having mega issues updating one of my stories called The Prospect of Weird - something to do with the site. However, rest assured! I will continue it!

Much love!

* * *

Chapter 3.

Bellflowers.

We nearly always lose the maximum amount control over our lives, when we believe ourselves in complete, and unerring supervision of every facet of our own realities. It's like snow blindness: the very concept that we might have to relinquish governance over our own existence is so painful and frightening, that we screen ourselves to the truth. Bit by bit, day by day, our grasp on our own selves escapes us as we turn a blind eye to the real, gruesome picture. Until one day we reach our capsheaf, and there is so little self left, that all that is left to do is mourn…

"Where are you?" Naruto quizzed down the phone, as Sasuke used his teeth to yank his bottle of water open.

"By the traffic lights," Sasuke told him through a mouthful of lukewarm water.

"How helpful – we live in a city, Sasuke, it's almost exclusively traffic lights."

"I'm down by Bullard Walls," Sasuke elaborated in a salty tone, his eyes following a Honda that had just run a red.

"Have you just come from the gym?" Naruto asked.

"Yep."

" _Again!?_ We only went this morning!" Naruto spluttered, sounding incredulous.

"Yeah, well, I went again," Sasuke replied irritably, hurrying across the road; for all the city's traffic lights, there were very few zebra crossings.

"You're gonna wear your legs down to stumps, mate," Naruto muttered and Sasuke didn't reply.

Naruto could make jabs at his routine and his efforts all he wanted, but Sasuke was championing all of them. He was healthier than he'd been in years;

especially with his new diet working alongside his workout regime. He had abandoned the need to eat or drink proper solids or fluids in the morning, and had replaced them instead with a protein shake, which he forced into ticking him over until dinner time at which time he exercised rigid portion control.

"We're all at Castle Dusk, you coming?" Sasuke mulled over this request; his legs ached from the two solid hours he'd spent on the cross trainer, but if he told Naruto this he'd be in for a torrent of abuse.

"Yeah, why not?" He sighed finally.

* * *

At Castle Dusk, Sasuke wished he'd had time to stop off home for a shower. He felt extremely uncomfortable sat in his sweaty gym clothes, trying to flex his aching shoulders out beside Sai.

"You've been at the gym?" Kiba eyed him suspiciously, "getting a head start I guess? You aren't going to win this race, Sasuke," Kiba told him, looking resolute. Sasuke only curled his fingers around his chin and smirked sweetly at Kiba, watching the way it nettled him.

"You guys are ridiculous," Sai commented absent-mindedly, as he sprinkled some tobacco over his rolling paper. "You do realise this race is for charity right?"

"That community centre's been a charity case since the day it was built," Neji grinned into his pint of Atlantic.

Sasuke used his straw to poke at a chip of ice floating in his Coke Zero, watching it bob like a small, pellucid fish. _Zero calories,_ a guiltless drink. With the end of his straw, he hooked out the chunk of ice and slipped it into his mouth where he began to chew on it. _He was glad that he was losing weight._ However, that didn't mean that he didn't still get hungry; in fact, sometimes it felt like his intestines were in knots around his stomach, he ached so badly with the hunger. Other times he just wanted to chew, like a teething infant, as though there was some phantom morsel on his tongue. So, chewing the nugget of ice was halfway to heaven for Sasuke.

"So, I was thinking for my birthday," Naruto interjected, fiddling inattentively with the bowl of bar-peanuts. "Since we're all broke, I thought we could pre-drink at mine and _then_ go out," he suggested, glancing around at them all.

"Where're you thinking of going, Jofuku Forest?" Neji inquired, watching the spume from his Atlantic slide down the inside of his pint glass.

"Yeah, Jofuku's as good as anywhere else," Naruto shrugged and Sasuke wrinkled his nose: _Jofuku Forest_ , one of the city's biggest clubs.

"Sweet, Jofuku it is, this Friday sound for everybody?" Naruto looked around at them, waiting for any objections. Sasuke toyed with the idea of protesting, of pointing out how the last time they'd set foot in Jofuku somebody had outright punched Kiba in the face. Then again, it wasn't always hard to find a reason to punch Kiba in the face. "Right, that's that then," Naruto grinned, getting to his feet and taking his empty pint glass with him. "Want another one?" He smiled down at Sasuke.

"Nah, I'm alright, cheers," he waved Naruto away.

"Are you sur…" Before he could finish however, Naruto was interrupted by a commotion ensuing behind their booth, spilling out in front of the bar.

"I can't work late tonight!" Shikamaru was insisting, wide eyed and panicked looking.

"Shikamaru, in your contract you said you could work all hours," his boss, Asuma, was asserting in a calm voice that oozed authority. "When I gave you this job, I expected you to adhere to that contract."

"But I never work until one on a Thrusday! Never! I have to take Shikadai to his mum at work!" Shikamaru gabbled looking desperate as he followed his boss to the bar.

"You're right, you haven't ever had to work a twelve-hour shift on a Thursday, but that was before Sakura started arsing around with the rota, taking all this holiday time; isn't she looking after your kid right now?" Asuma pointed out sounding impatient and Shikamaru made a sound of despair.

"Yes, but she's getting a train to Reading and I need to pick him up before she goes!" Shikamaru ducked around Asuma, blocking his path. " _Please_ , I have to get my son." He implored.

"I'm sorry," Asuma held his hands up, and his apology seemed sincere as he backed away.

"Fuck!" Shikamaru swore and aimed a kick at a bar stool.

Sasuke, Naruto, Kiba, Neji, and Sai, all slid out of their booth and headed towards Shikamaru.

"What was all that about?" Kiba asked in an undertone, eyeing Asuma who was serving behind the bar.

"Fucking Sakura!" Shikamaru barked, his face flushed with anger. "She's fucked all the rotas up with all the time she keeps taking off, and now I can't pick Shikadai up and take him to Temari's work," he ranted, looking ready to implode.

"Where is he?" Sasuke quizzed.

"Ironically, at Sakura's; she's taken today off so she can go to Reading later, God knows why!" Shikamaru swiped his sleeve across his brow to rid himself of the sudden downpour of sweat.

"And you need him taken to Temari's work right? She works at Kannabi Bridge Studio, doesn't she?" Sasuke asked and Shikamaru nodded. "I'll take him," Sasuke offered mildly.

"Seriously?" Shikamaru fixed him with wide eyes, as though not daring to hope Sasuke's offer was a genuine one.

"Sure, I'm not doing anything else this evening," he smiled.

"Sasuke, thank you!" Shikamaru grasped his shoulder, "I owe you one man, seriously, I'll buy you a drink Friday," he promised, beginning to back away as Asuma summoned him.

"I'll come with you," Naruto murmured and Sasuke looked up at him in surprise.

"You don't have to."

"I need a word," he met Sasuke's eyes, a hidden meaning stirring within their squill irises. Sasuke frowned, trying to decipher what Naruto was hinting at, but failed.

"Fine."

* * *

There were very few wooded areas in Sasuke's town, even less naturally cultivated plots. So it was always with a renewed sense of fascination and enjoyment that the two boys took in the marshland. Sasuke watched as a few fairy shrimp danced beneath the surface of a vernal pond, tangling in the quillworts and button parsley.

"Hey," Naruto stopped behind Sasuke, who turned on the spot, frowning in confusion at Naruto.

"Is there some kind of problem?" He asked, readjusting the strap of his satchel.

Naruto observed him for a moment; the sun tangling in his aurous hair like the gleam off the surface of Mercury. His periwinkle eyes were searching, looking for a trace of something that they already knew.

"The other week, when you were over mine…" Naruto began and Sasuke watched him closely as he spoke. "Did you take something?" He asked slowly, his eyes never once leaving Sasuke's face.

"What do you mean, 'did I take something?'" Sasuke echoed confusedly.

Naruto licked his lips before carefully phrasing his next words.

"Sasuke, when you were over my house the other day, did you steal something from my kitchen; something that belonged to my landlord?" Sasuke felt his chest tighten and every nerve in his body fire into life.

"What am I supposed to have stolen?" Sasuke scoffed, turning his back, playing Naruto's question off as a ridiculous joke.

"Why don't you tell me?" Naruto said in a hard voice, not moving.

"What?" Sasuke spun to face Naruto, "what exactly are you accusing me of?" Sasuke stared at Naruto who gazed back at him.

"Chuck me your bag?" Sasuke started at this.

"What – no, I'm not giving you my bag!" Sasuke rebuffed incredulously.

"Just give me your fucking bag," Naruto snapped, reaching out and whipping Sasuke's satchel off his shoulder before he could jump out the way.

Sasuke watched as Naruto rifled through the brown leather bag, pushing aside an assortment of possessions before bringing his hand back out of the bag. Clutched in his fist, like the holy grail, was an empty bottle of protein shake.

"So, you didn't steal this from my kitchen?" Sasuke felt his heart sinking, and his cheeks burning with shame. At the time it had been easy to justify stealing the drinks to himself, but looking at Naruto he felt the wrongfulness of his actions.

"Okay, yeah, I took them…Sorry, I'll pay you back," Sasuke mumbled with an awkward shrug.

"Jesus, I don't care about the cash Sasuke; _I've_ already replaced them. I wanna know why you took them? What's going on with you?" Naruto's face was contorted with worry.

"Christ Naruto, what's with this? Nothing's wrong with me!" Sasuke snapped, not meeting Naruto's eyes as he snatched his satchel back.

As his fingers closed around the leather strap of his bag, something warm clenched around his wrist, holding him in place. Sasuke looked down and saw Naruto's fingers, burnished like unfiltered honey, pressed against his own flesh which was as pale as moonstone. _They were so different._

"I don't care that you did it," he whispered and Sasuke caught a whiff of the bellflowers and marsh marigolds. "I just worry why you did it, Sasuke." He murmured, not relinquishing his grip. "I know _something's_ wrong."

"It's not," Sasuke said automatically, feeling like his heart was in his throat.

He didn't feel right, his hand in Naruto's like this; he felt too hot and his heart was charging like a thousand wild mares beneath his breast bone. This sparing, yet intimate contact was working its way through his body, to receptors and targets he hadn't even been aware of. The intrinsically private and profound sensation was robbing him of all self-control…

"I just want to help you." Sasuke wrenched his hand out of Naruto's grasp.

"I don't need help," he told him rigidly, pressing his arms down by his sides. "Come on, we have to get to Sakura's before she leaves for Reading."

* * *

"Where've you two been?" Sakura was exceptionally agitated when she buzzed them up.

"Got held up," Naruto grinned apologetically, bouncing into her living room.

All of the furniture in Sakura's home was a mash-up of vintage and modern. She claimed it was fashionable, they all claimed she could only afford second-hand rubbish.

"Wow, looking knockout girl," Naruto whistled as Sakura crashed between rooms in a wine-coloured cocktail dress, dripping in jewels.

"Thanks, s'cuse me," she barged past them and vanished into her bedroom. Naruto and Sasuke shared a meaningful look, before moving towards Sakura's sitting room.

"Well damn," Naruto spluttered, "that's not how you do babysitting." Clearly, Sakura had left Shikadai unattended, because he sat in a pile of papers that he'd dragged out of her sideboard, and was slowly shredding them with his tiny fingers.

"Hey mate," Sasuke ducked down beside Shikadai, seizing him beneath the armpits and pulling him onto his knees. "What're you doing buddy?" Shikadai squealed with delight and threw insurance certificates over Sasuke like confetti.

"I'll clear this," Naruto said, hurriedly scooping the papers together in his arms.

"What would your mummy say?" Sasuke teasingly frowned down at Shikadai, "I bet you don't rip mummy's things up do you?" He raised an eyebrow and Shikadai laughed whilst shaking his head. "What about daddy's? Yeah?" Shikadai nodded, clapping his tiny hands.

"Hey, Sasuke…" Naruto was frowning at a document held out in front of him.

"Yeah?" Sasuke glanced at him distractedly, holding onto a squirming Shikadai.

"Why would Sakura need to open a Student Bank Account?" Naruto asked in a hushed voiced and Sasuke looked to Naruto.

"She's what?"

"Yeah, she's never been to university in her life – and look how much money's in there!" He passed the bank statement to Sasuke who reeled, _that was an unholy amount of digits._

"What the fuck…This was all deposited on the same day, last week," Sasuke ran his finger along the transaction details.

"What's she up to?" Naruto hissed and Sasuke glanced at him.

"I don't know."

However, it looked like Sasuke wasn't the only one with secrets…

* * *

Ooooh! Much naughtiness Sakura! And the cliffhangers begin haha! Hope you enjoyed! Please review!


	4. Chapter 4: Absinthe

Hellooo!

Chapter 4! Yay!

Thank you for your reviews you absolute amazingly sweet cherubs you! I love you so much you fabulous people!

I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)

Much love!

* * *

Chapter 4.

Absinthe.

Monsters aren't myths or legends, they don't nest in nightmares or bide safely in fiction. Monsters are real; they aren't fanged, poly-eyed, scaly skinned, or thong tailed. They live inside us. Nibbling away at the pneuma until finally, there is no essence of self left, only the monster…

 _Ninety-seven…Ninety-eight…Ninety-nine…One-hundred_ …

Sasuke dropped down on his bedroom floor upon his hundredth push up. He nuzzled the malt carpet, letting the acrylic fibres absorb the sheets of sweat pouring off him. It was getting harder and harder to catch his breath; his body was rejecting his intense regime. He lay completely still on the floor, listening to his heart thrash erratically in his chest. He couldn't move for at least ten minutes, in which time he spent relishing the searing pain in his muscles; every ache and stab of screaming agony was just a reminder of his hard work. All of his efforts were paying off too, in barely more than a month, Sasuke had shed a stone and a half.

Struggling to his feet, Sasuke made his way to his sterile kitchen, pulling open one of the topmost pine veneer cupboards. He withdrew a small bag of almonds and began to weigh them out on the scales. Twenty-five grams, that equated to one hundred and forty-four calories, which would leave him with five hundred and fifty six calories for the rest of the day. Sometimes, if Sasuke really strained himself, he didn't need to meet his maximum of seven hundred calories a day.

He chewed slowly on one of the almonds, savouring the nut fat, whilst he made his way to the shower. He had work in one hour, and if he wanted to walk to Naka Shrine Tattoo Studio, he'd have to leave twenty minutes early.

Just as he made to step in the shower his phone began to trill. Drawing back slightly, Sasuke answered and left the caller on speaker.

"Yo," Shikamaru drawled and then, "are you in a rainforest or am I just getting terrible static?"

"I'm in the shower," Sasuke explained, stepping under the deluge of soft Oxford water.

"Nice," Shikamaru commented, "I was just wondering, you in work today?"

"Yeah, why? Are you popping in for a set of arse antlers?" Sasuke grinned, basking in the sensation of salt running off his skin.

"Not today, man. Nah, I just thought I'd meet you and we could head to Naruto's together." Shikamaru yawned. " _Shikadai no!_ Leave the goldfish alone!"

"Is Shikadai trying to kill Stan the 4th?" Sasuke smirked.

"Stan the 5th after Temari dropped a jar of paprika in Stan the 4th's tank." Shikamaru muttered, "anyway, what d'you think, wanna meet up?" Shikamaru quizzed.

"Your girlfriend is absolutely savage…Yeah sure, I clock off at four, come meet me in the shop." Shikamaru agreed and bid Sasuke farewell before hanging up, leaving only the hissing sound of the shower.

* * *

The tattoo parlour was slow that day. Sasuke leant with his elbows on the front desk, thumbing through the design wallets, listening to the buzzing of tattoo guns working on skin in the back rooms.

"Urgh," he pressed a hand over his eyes and used his thumb to massage his temple.

"Everything alright?" The shop-floor cleaner Karin appeared looking shrewd. Karin always stood too close, she had no conception of personal space – corporeal or otherwise. "What's going on?" She nosed and Sasuke squinted at her.

"Headache," he muttered.

He got a lot of headaches around midday, when his food cravings were at their peak.

"Have you not got painkillers?" She inquired, leaning so close that Sasuke could smell the out of date cherry perfume on her neck.

"If I did, I would've taken them," he pointed out. Far from looking annoyed, Karin simpered girlishly and Sasuke sighed. When he pushed away from the desk, his head spun alarmingly and he threw a hand out, grasping onto the aluminium counter for support.

"Wow – you sick or something?" Karin frowned, "want me to see if Orochimaru will let you leave early?" Sasuke considered asking his gaunt faced boss for an early leave of absence.

"I'll survive," He grunted as the door chimed and a customer came over the threshold. "You take this one," he muttered, pushing the books towards Karin who looked startled.

"But Sasuke I'm not…"

"Just do it, Karin, please?" Sasuke implored as he stumbled away to the backroom.

It was all worth it, the hunger and the headaches, it was all worth it to fix his body…

* * *

"Is Temari not coming then?" Sasuke asked, watching Shikamaru spin his keys around one finger.

"Yeah, she's meeting us later when she can drop Shikadai off at her work mates," he explained cheerily, stepping out the way of an oncoming pedestrian.

"Nice," Sasuke smiled.

"I wouldn't say nice – you've seen Temari drunk before, she's a menace," Shikamaru chuckled. "But it'll be nice for me and her, to have some time away," he grinned.

They lapsed into easy conversation, navigating the city streets as they ticked over into the evening lull. Workers began to make their way home and the class divide ran through the metropolis like a rainbow: men and women in dark power suits, buffeting those in barista aprons and supermarket uniforms out of the way with their briefcases.

"So, I saw something interesting in Sakura's flat," Sasuke brought up.

"Oh yeah?" Shikamaru said in a low tone that suggested Sakura was a subject he was uneasy touching upon.

"Yeah – she's taken out a student bank account, how weird is that?" Sasuke eyed Shikamaru, whose brow creased for a moment, and then a wave of annoyed realisation washed over his face.

"Student bank accounts are tax free," he groaned, "what is that girl up to?" He looked torn.

"Nothing good," Sasuke murmured and Shikamaru shook his head.

"She's going to get herself in trouble, and I can't bail her out, even if I want to," Shikamaru muttered casting his gaze down to the pavement. "I can't risk doing anything that might set alarm bells ringing for social services."

Sasuke considered Shikamaru's tight countenance and felt a stab of pity for his friend, and a second stab of annoyance for Sakura. He wondered if she knew just how much damage she did…

* * *

Sasuke watched Kiba and Temari push the hulking subwoofers into position as Sai fiddled with the speakers.

"Let there be music," Naruto grinned, already misty eyed with alcohol as he beamed at the sound system squashed into his tiny basement apartment. "Enjoying yourself?" He fell down beside Sasuke on the floor, throwing half of Sasuke's vodka and tonic down him.

"Moderately," Sasuke smirked, catching the spilled diamond drupelets with his tongue.

"Let's up the game then," Naruto grinned wickedly and grasped Sasuke's upper arm tightly.

"Naruto, wait…" Sasuke laughed as Naruto dragged him up the stairs.

"Shush, look here," Naruto grinned, his fingers trailing along Sasuke's bare wrist as he released him and moved towards the kitchen. He reached over to a cellarette and pulled the doors wide, revealing a collection of dusty and unmatched bottles of alcohol.

"Here," Naruto pressed half a flute filled with a poisonous looking green brew.

"What is it?" Sasuke quizzed, curiously fingering the delicate neck of the glass.

"Absinthe," Naruto winked, pressing his own glass to his lips. "Drink up."

Sasuke was drunk. _Green fairies and helium smiles drunk_. He watched as his friends split off into groups, playing drinking games or huddled in intense drunken conversations.

"Hey," Ino settled on the mattress beside Sasuke. "Temari and Sakura are deep in conversation about Sakura's new boyfriend," Ino scrunched her face up in displeasure. "Sakura won't tell anyone his name – she doesn't think I haven't already looked in her phone. His name's Sasori." She divulged, picking at a hole in her tights.

"Can't say I've heard the name," Sasuke admitted, swirling the last dregs of his vodka about in the bottom of his glass.

"Well you wouldn't, I facebooked him; he's not from around here, he's from down Reading way. He's twenty-eight, and his friends look a bit…" She pulled a face looking shifty. "They look proper dodgy, they're in some kind of firm."

"Like a company?" Sasuke quizzed and Ino shook her head.

"No, like and illegal syndicate; they've named themselves the Akatsuki, but that's all I could find." She frowned in Sakura's direction and then took a deep breath. "Anyway, you okay? You look like you've lost weight." She grinned, reaching over and pinching Sasuke's waist.

"A bit, yeah," he acknowledged with a swell of pride.

Her pale eyes combed him, making him feel self-conscious.

"Hey you two, looking very snug down here," Naruto dropped down in between them, buffeting Sasuke and Ino apart.

"We were until you parked your arse on me," Sasuke smirked, expecting Naruto to laugh. Instead, an unreadable shadow swept over Naruto's face and he pushed himself to his feet. Sasuke watched, feeling stunned, as Naruto stalked away.

"What?" He said slowly, turning to look at Ino, who looked equally as baffled.

"Drunk, I guess," she shrugged and Sasuke frowned.

Getting to his feet he made to follow Naruto, who had made his way up the stairs and out onto the back patio. Sasuke stood in the doorway, admiring the fine swoops and declines of Naruto's back illuminated in the night. The moonlight caught in his blonde tresses and created an opaline halo all around his head, like a saint frozen in a stained-glass window.

"Oi," Sasuke spoke into the night, stepping onto the patio; the air smelt spicy with the scotch bonnets that grew in terracotta pots beneath the window. "What's up with you?"

There was a pause before Naruto turned to face him, and his face was changed from its usual warm and kind self. There was something strangely vulnerable and wounded about his well sculpted face as he took Sasuke in.

"Go back," he said, his voice hoarse.

"I don't get it – what's going on?" Sasuke asked feeling inexplicably nervous as he edged towards Naruto.

"Go back, go back to Ino," Naruto shrugged and Sasuke blinked in surprise.

"I will after you tell me what the hell's going on with you!" He retorted frostily. "You're being…" Sasuke was silenced however, when Naruto brushed his fingers beneath his chin, stemming any words Sasuke had been ready to hurl with a feeble choke. They locked eyes and steadily Naruto ran his hand up over Sasuke's fragile temple, raking his fingers through his wind-knotted locks. Sasuke let out an involuntary gasp and felt as it pooled in the tiny space that separated his and Naruto's face. Why hadn't Sasuke noticed before, that Naruto's eyes were so bright and open that they caught every constellation in the sky like a planet-bound mirror? Why hadn't he noticed before the complexities in hues of Naruto's skin, like an artist's pallet?

"Don't go back," Naruto whispered and it was a plea, a tiny, hopeless plea.

Sasuke stayed still for a moment before shaking his head, his body wanting to oblige, compelled to work with Naruto's voice. Naruto inhaled sharply and ducked his head, brushing his lips against Sasuke's so tenderly and lovingly, that Sasuke felt himself coming apart beneath the touch. It was such a simple connection, so light and delicate; no heated drive behind the kiss, and yet Sasuke had never come up against something so overpowering. He was going to unravel to the core…

"No!" Sasuke choked, shoving Naruto away with both hands.

 _No, he wouldn't lose control, not to anybody…_

* * *

 _Ooooh! Drama...Please review! Loves x_


	5. Chapter 5: Venus Fly Trap

Hellooo!

Oooola chapter 5!

Thank you soo much for the reviews you wonderful little honey bees!

This chapter is from Naruto's POV, so let's see how that goes...

Hope you enjoy my lovelies!

* * *

Chapter 5.

Venus Fly Trap.

Sexuality. Imagine if in the beginning, we had never thought to enforce obligations of romantic definition upon ourselves. Picture a world without pigeon-holing, and the conflict of gender attraction had never arisen. The more you imagine it, the more you begin to realise how sensationally ridiculous the choice to make love a point of divide really is. However, somewhere along the line we decided to adopt this idea of assigned preference: man or woman, pick your flavour and face the consequences….

What if there was just _one_ man, or _one_ woman, though? One incredible soul that altered that defined sexuality? Did that change everything? Were you expected to alter the fabric of you, because of their gender…

Naruto's head was busy with all of this as he lay alone in his lightless basement. He was spread on the hardwood floor, the remnants of last night's party around him like a filthy aura. He could smell beer, vodka, and stale smoke; it wasn't an unfamiliar smell, but today it was all a gross reminder. Every crushed pack of Benson's, every scum oozing Bud bottle, every flattened Stella can, was a horrible trophy of his blunder.

Naruto had always liked women; for a while, he had even chased Sakura. He'd had girlfriends, a few long-term ones at that and he'd enjoyed their relationships. Then, five years ago, Sasuke had appeared. A pretty runaway from down south. He couldn't even remember how they'd come to befriend Sasuke. He did remember thinking that Sasuke was beautiful, not good-looking or fit, _beautiful_. He had this fantastic, sylphlike loveliness, plucked straight from a Bouguereau painting. Naruto had never seen somebody with such an arresting smile, the kind that could suspend reality, or pierce darkness with its radiance.

He couldn't timeline exactly how long it had taken him to realise that Sasuke wasn't just his friend. He couldn't remember the first time he'd imagined brushing Sasuke's dark tresses back off his pale, angular cheeks, just to see how he felt to touch. It was a mystery, the first time he had pictured actually kissing Sasuke.

Naruto pressed a hand over his eyes and sucked in a deep, shaking breath. He'd never have done it if he hadn't been drunk. If it hadn't of been for that absinthe, he never would've kissed Sasuke. Naruto wasn't one for self-control, he was self-indulgent at the best of times, but this was extreme even for him. The image of Sasuke's wide, hurt eyes, when he'd pushed Naruto away, kept playing in his head. That broken trust in his usually wonderfully obscure and unreadable eyes. He could still feel the pressure of Sasuke shoving him away against the crest of his breast bone; it hadn't been hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to know that Sasuke had pushed with panic.

Shit. What had he done?

He had to put this right…

* * *

He drove to Sasuke's block. It was places like Sasuke's neighbourhood that reminded Naruto exactly why he chose to live illegally in a tax dodging sixty-year-old's basement. It wasn't a particularly dirty place – it wasn't overly clean either, but it was so cold and impersonal. Towers of grey concrete boxes, like prison cells only the prisoner's that lived here paid dearly for the privilege.

Naruto climbed out of his Peugeot and made his way to the flat intercom panel. The sleek metal panel was beside a door, above which a gilded sign read 'Quarry Place.' Naruto pressed the number twenty-seven, alongside which was tacked the name 'Uchiha.' The buzzer buzzed for a few seconds and then cut off abruptly. Naruto frowned and pressed the button again, the same happened again, only this time the buzzing cut out even sooner. He realised, with a sinking feeling of defeat, that Sasuke was cutting off his calls.

With a sigh, Naruto turned on his heel and headed for the fire escape stairs; he was going to have to do this the old-fashioned way. The climb to Sasuke's flat was monumental, like scaling a small mountain, and by the time Naruto reached the twentieth floor he was nearly crawling.

"Jesus Sasuke," Naruto puffed, clasping his knees, taking a deep steadying breath before continuing.

He knew Sasuke's door without even looking, he had been to his apartment that many times. It was the one without any oversweet ceramics by their front door, or any painfully unfunny comedic doormats.

He went to knock on the door, but the sound of raised voices prevented him. Two people were shouting inside Sasuke's flat, and by the pitch and frequency of their tones, it sounded like they were arguing heatedly. Naruto couldn't make a word out, however, he could decipher one of the voices as Sasuke's and so he ducked down to find the spare key, hidden behind a crate filled with recycling. Straightening back up he twisted the key in the lock and pushed on the door.

The door collided with somebody stood directly on the other side.

"Fuck!" Sasuke swore and lunged out the way.

"Sorry," Naruto apologised swiftly, stepping inside and closing the door softly behind him. "I just heard shouting and…" He trailed off as his eyes fell upon a second man.

He was average height, possibly the same height as Sasuke, with long oily black hair that dripped down his back. He had the look of a man that might have once been extremely handsome, but had become wasted and gaunt, sapping him of any good-looks. Around his eyes was caved in and dark against his sickly, pallid skin. His whole frame seemed to be juddering like he was chronically cold, despite the fact that the apartment was pleasantly warm. "Who's…"

"Naruto, this is my brother," Sasuke interrupted him coldly before he could ask. "Itachi." He gestured to the man.

Naruto blinked and then turned back to admire Itachi. He supposed, if he squinted, and really squinted, he could decipher the family resemblance. Maybe it was hidden within the shape of his almond eyes, or maybe it was those striking irises and their salient colour as dark as igneous rock.

"Oh, hello," Naruto greeted Itachi uncomfortably.

"Yeah, hello and goodbye," Sasuke snarled as he snatched Naruto's wrist and dragged him from the apartment.

"Sasuke…"

"Did you bring your car?" Sasuke asked briskly as the door slammed behind them.

"Yeah, but your brother…"

"Where're you parked?" Sasuke ignored him and so Naruto pointed over the edge of the walkway balcony.

"In your space." Sasuke didn't have a car – but his apartment came with a parking space which Naruto made full use of.

"Let's go."

* * *

Sasuke didn't speak the entire drive back to Naruto's place, and Naruto ran two red lights as he lost focus on the road, instead staring at Sasuke anxiously. He looked unnaturally rigid, like a marble effigy. Naruto couldn't help but notice how prominent the tiny bones in Sasuke's hands had become, or how his cheekbones projected from his face, as though his skin was struggling to cover all of his skull.

When they were inside Naruto's home, Sasuke's state of inactivity ceased and he began to move around and twitch like he was overcome with irritable energy.

"Just sit down," Naruto urged, watching Sasuke pace, half expecting his willowy legs to snap. "Just sit down and explain what the hell's going on!" Naruto insisted and Sasuke's attention snapped to him.

"Explain?" He echoed. "Explain what? My brother's just turned up in my flat after five years of no contact because he's homeless and he's got hepatitis," misinterpreting Naruto's stunned gaze he added, "the curable kind."

 _"What!?"_ Naruto sputtered and Sasuke took a deep breath, groaning he covered his eyes and shook his head. He made his way over to the mattress and dropped down beside Naruto.

"My brother," he murmured, turning to face Naruto so that their knees brushed, "is the reason my family fell apart." His eyes were fixed on a few creases in Naruto's bed sheet as he spoke. "He was always a bit of an arse, even when he was in school, he was always in trouble, but we both were…That was just us…" Sasuke shrugged his shoulder and Naruto cocked his head, trying to picture a badly behaved Sasuke. "He was in an accident when he was seventeen; everybody felt really sorry for him because his best friend died in the accident – Shisui. I know that they were both drunk off their tits," his voice was harsh and he looked bitter when he spoke. "If they didn't kill themselves, they were going to kill someone else – better one of them…" Sasuke took a sharp breath and bit his lip; Naruto understood that he didn't really mean the words, and that he regretted them. "Well anyway, Itachi just went bat-shit crazy after that…" Sasuke muttered, fiddling with Naruto's pillow case distractedly. "He just drank, choked down drugs, stole off us; he was in prison on my fourteenth birthday, _that was a laugh_." Sasuke shook his head at the memory. "He's got a kid somewhere he never sees with some woman named Izumi, I've never once met the kid, I don't know if it's a boy or a girl, I doubt even he does!" Sasuke seethed, gripping the pillowcase so tightly Naruto thought it might rip. "Now he's hooked on all sorts and owes money to all kinds of people. That's how he caught hepatitis you know, needle sharing." Sasuke fell silent for a second, staring at his knees. "He's the reason mum and dad left," he said quietly. "They left to get away from him and all of his shit, all the stress, it gave dad a heart attack, so they just left…And they left me with him, _Itachi_ , that it is." Sasuke whispered this last part and Naruto felt his heart constrict in his chest.

"Sasuke…" He breathed.

"And now he's here," Sasuke was biting his lip so hard, Naruto saw a few beads of blood erupt and flower around his small white teeth.

"Sasuke," Naruto reached out and gripped Sasuke's arm without thinking, half-expecting him to pull away in disgust. Sasuke took a deep shuddering breath and leant into Naruto's touch. "Why now, why come back now?" Naruto asked quietly as Sasuke closed his eyes.

"He's homeless, broke, people are after him; so, he's come running to me," Sasuke opened his eyes and peered up at Naruto.

"Are you going to throw him out?" Naruto queried and Sasuke's face darkened.

"And cause a family feud? My parents dumped me and my brother in charge of each other. No, I'm stuck with the waste of food," he sighed and then looked thoughtful. "Unless I move again, and just don't tell him where I've gone…"

"No. Just stay here," Naruto suggested sensibly and Sasuke met his eyes looking mildly surprised.

"In your criminal den?"

"It's either my criminal den, or Itachi, your choice, fella," Naruto winked, leaning back on his elbows. Sasuke scrunched his face up, trying to look revolted, but Naruto could see the twinkle of bemusement buried within his lovely eyes.

"Fine, but I'm not happy about it…"

* * *

"Hey, Sasuke?" Naruto asked into the darkness.

They lay side by side, facing one another on Naruto's mattress, their kneecaps knocking every now and then.

"Hn?" Sasuke responded, his bony face illuminated by the light radiating off his phone screen.

"Do you remember how we met?"

Sasuke's eyes strayed from his phone screen, a perplexed look dancing in his eyes.

"Yes, why?" He quizzed, dropping the device on his pillow and shuffling closer.

"Because I don't," Naruto admitted.

He noticed, as he had every time that night when Sasuke had shifted, just how raw-boned he was looking. His limbs had begun to look oddly shapeless, and the dips and declines of all the hollows in his body which had once been so graceful, looked sharp and abrupt. It wasn't only the shape of Sasuke that had changed though, his skin itself looked oddly sapless; like he was some papery origami creation.

Every time he rolled, Naruto wanted to tell him to stop, in case he hurt himself, he looked that fragile…

"My colleague Karin crashed her car into yours; we had a row outside the tattoo parlour with you and Shikamaru," Sasuke smirked. "It was all your fault, only employees are allowed to park there."

"Oh yeah! The red head! She destroyed my bumper you know, on the old car," Naruto laughed and Sasuke shook his head.

"No, your old car self-destructed, Naruto," he snorted.

When they ceased laughing, Naruto spoke again.

"I thought you were angry at me," he admitted quietly.

"Because of what happened last night?" Sasuke asked knowingly and Naruto met his eyes with a nod. Sasuke exhaled slowly through his nose and rolled onto his back. Naruto watched him as he stared up at the ceiling, even though he couldn't possibly see anything in the darkness. "I'm not angry." He said finally and then smiled, "Temari's done worse shit when she's drunk, right?" Naruto saw that the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Yeah, I guess." Naruto wasn't going to argue if Sasuke was happy to put that kiss down to a drunk mistake though. He was happy – or rather, more than willing - to remain a coward and hide from whatever it was that was happening between them.

* * *

 _Naruto knew one thing; He might not possess any self-control, but Sasuke possessed enough to the point of insanity…He'd just have to learn to lean on him…_

 _Hope you enjoyed hunnies! Please review! :)_


	6. Chapter 6: Buttercup

Hellooo!

So chapter 6, woohoo!

So, I had a lovely review which asked me if I was going to do what actually happens in this chapter yesterday...I was like, Jesus, you guys are inside my head, this is crazy!

But I have honestly had lovely reviews, and as I always say, I love and adore you lovely people, you are cosmic wonders!

Hope you enjoy this new chapter my lovely starbound beauties!

* * *

Chapter 6.

Buttercup.

Devil's Millhopper in America is a perfect example of human catastrophe. A sinkhole, doesn't appear overnight; it takes gradual erosion, so steady that it goes almost unnoticed. Then one day, all of that erosion, all of that filthy water and that cuspate bedrock just becomes too much and the ground crumbles, leaving nothing but a great, gaping, planetary wound. On the surface, a sinkhole might look absolutely fine, unblemished, sturdy ground; beneath the surface however, the substance has become rotten and worn to nearly nothing.

People are sinkholes. Broken people who go unnoticed are just walking calamites waiting to happen. On the outside, these people look and seem regular and wholly held together. On the inside though, they're rotting into bitter nothingness. Just like sinkholes, eventually, these people disintegrate and vanish…Damage that can't be undone…

Sasuke had been living at Naruto's for a week now. He knew Itachi was still holed up in his apartment because he'd sent Neji round to spy through the curtains. Neji had informed him that he didn't know if Sasuke's brother was in the flat, but some horrible poltergeist was haunting Sasuke's sofa. _Horrible poltergeist,_ what an apt way to describe his hopped-up brother, Sasuke thought.

The truth was, Sasuke had barely recognised Itachi, and he had seen him in some appalling states throughout his life. When Sasuke had been sixteen, and their parents had first left them, he had come home to an Itachi whose skin was the colour of buttercups. _Jaundice_. The paramedics had told the tearful teenage Sasuke. _Only alcohol poisoning, he'd just need his stomach pumped, hopefully he'd learnt his lesson._ He didn't learn his lesson, and Sasuke failed his Business Studies GCSE the next day.

Still, Sasuke looked on the Brightside: If Itachi was living on his sofa, that meant that he hadn't sold it yet.

He had a theory, that if he stayed at Naruto's long enough, eventually Itachi would run out of food at Sasuke's and be forced to evacuate the apartment. He was starving him out, like a stray cat. If he sat it out long enough, Itachi would have to leave; there were plenty of nice homeless shelters in Oxford for Itachi to shack up in. _Sasuke should know, he'd lived in one for a time_. Who knew, maybe that would even give Itachi the opportunity to network, find some fantastic new drug dealers, Sasuke thought bitterly…

* * *

It was on the Tuesday that everything went wrong for Sasuke; that his sinkhole began to crumble. He was walking back late from work, having been kept back by Orochimaru for inventory work. The city at night was the best time to appreciate the city; you could slip through the streets, completely anonymous, under the starry lambency of the synthetic lights. Sasuke had his hood drawn close around his face, and his denim jacket pulled tightly over his chest to defend from the cold. He would be home soon; this walk was so customary that he barely even saw his surroundings anymore…

Then it happened…

He was walking past a burger joint, the same one he passed by every day, the exact burger joint he had passed for five years. He had never paid the blindingly lit chain any attention before, but today he froze where he stood. _The smell hit him._ Food, quick, trashy, food…

He realised then: Fuck, he was hungry. He was sick of these fucking protein shakes. Sick of these stupid nothing portions. He was fucking starving. He'd never wanted anything so fucking much in his whole life…

He felt like he was in some kind of unconscious state as he moved towards the fast food joint, and pushed open the door: he couldn't stop himself. He fidgeted in the queue, he wanted to lash out at the people in front of him, to push them out the way so that he could get to the front.

And then he had it…He had food…And he ate it like a crazed animal. He sat alone, pushing food down his throat in such a wild frenzy it was a fluke that he didn't choke himself. He kept eating. He couldn't stop himself. He was manic with the famine. In another world, another life, he might've been embarrassed by his gorging, bestial display; but he was so starved he couldn't even think.

When he finished, he took a deep shuddering breath, relief washing over him; the pain of the hunger was satiated…

Then, something strange began to happen…

A sickness began to gnaw at Sasuke's heart as he gazed down at the remnants of greasy paper his meal had come in. The sickness swelled into blind panic and dreadful guilt. What had he done? This wasn't something he could burn off in one workout. He'd ruined everything. He'd lost control. This was proof that he couldn't control his own body.

 _Fat. Fat. Fat._

He gasped, his breathing coming in uneven little pants; he must've looked a sight to anybody around him.

 _All of that dirty, gristly meat just rotting inside him…_

 _Fat. Fat. Fat._

It had to go.

Sasuke got to his feet abruptly, moving through the restaurant at an alarmingly abnormal pace. He shouldered the bathroom door, his hands were trembling too badly to use. Staggering into the toilets, he slipped quickly into a cubicle and awkwardly slid the lock shut behind him. Dropping to his knees, his vision dipping in and out with frantic tears, Sasuke scrabbled for a hold on the toilet seat as he threw his head over the bowl.

It wasn't as easy as he thought. His teeth cut up his knuckles as he forced his fingers down his throat, and screwed his eyes tight shut against the pain of the first heave. It took him a few tries, and when it finally happened, he didn't even have time to whip his fingers back. Hot vomit disgorged all down his arm without warning and Sasuke choked, clawing at the toilet seat with his free hand. He hadn't expected the strain to hurt his chest so much. It tasted revolting, like bitter wax melting on his tongue.

When all that was coming up was dry heaves, Sasuke pushed away from the toilet. He was panting worse than after one of his workouts and doused in a clammy sweat. There was no sense of clarifying triumph, no relief, he only felt wired with the realisation of what he'd just done.

Now that he was in his right mind, he could take in the toilet properly. There was piss and something visceral all over the seat, and when he glanced down at his hand he saw the transfer. The floor was filthy with empty bottles of Strongbow and half smoked blunt wraps. He glanced down at himself, the cuff of his denim jacket was dark and soaked through with vomit, clinging with gross consistency. His knees were soaked through with someone else's urine and general filth.

Never again. He would never do this again. He told himself, feeling cold as he got to his feet and peeled his jacket off. This made him a different person.

* * *

"You're back late," Naruto observed, he was holding something in his lap and when Sasuke looked closer he saw that it was a form.

"Oh, yeah," Sasuke muttered vaguely.

"You alright, you look shot?" Naruto squinted into Sasuke's face.

"Do I?" Sasuke collapsed onto the heap of cushions, his legs couldn't carry him anymore.

"Yeah, your face is all red and blotchy, and your eyes are all bloodshot," Naruto indicated his own face as a helpful aid.

"Oh," Sasuke ran a hand over his face. "Yeah." He must've strained so hard throwing-up, that he'd burst blood vessels, how pathetic.

"You sick or something?" Sasuke started at this.

"What?"

"Have you got a cold? Your voice sounds all husky so…" Naruto looked taken aback at Sasuke's alarm.

"No, no just…Tired from work," Sasuke mumbled, pushing his hair back off his face, he could still smell the sick on it. "What's that?" He indicated the form in Naruto's lap for a change of topic.

"Oh, it's the entry forms for the Charity Endurance Race, I've got one for you," Naruto waved the form cheerily and Sasuke frowned wearily.

"The what?" Naruto looked confused at this.

"The race, Sasuke…You know, you've been working out like a crazed show poodle for the past couple of months?" Naruto reminded and Sasuke had to think for a moment…Race?

"Oh, shit, yeah," he smacked his head, how could he have forgotten? "Yeah, I'll sign it later." He nodded; his stomach was in knots, was this the aftermath of being sick?

"Sure thing," Naruto nodded distractedly and there was a pause.

"Hey, can you do me a favour?" Sasuke asked finally.

"Depends, its nothing weird, is it?" Naruto eyed him shrewdly and Sasuke scowled half-heartedly.

"Drop me off at mine, I want to go home," he explained and Naruto looked shocked.

"But Itachi…"

"Is my brother," Sasuke murmured.

"Sasuke, he's not your responsibility," Naruto fixed Sasuke with a stern gaze and Sasuke shook his head.

"I know." And the truth was, he did know; but he felt like that was where he belonged right then, in the gutter with his brother.

* * *

Sasuke keyed in the code to his flat. It was dark when he stepped over the threshold, and when he tried the lights, nothing came to life; Itachi must've let the electric meter run dry. Sighing, Sasuke kicked the door shut behind him and drifted from room to room, searching the darkness.

He found his brother, curled like a nautilus on the sofa beneath one of Sasuke's towels. Why hadn't he just taken Sasuke's duvet? Itachi was twitching and scratching at his own skin like bugs were inching beneath every centimetre of his flesh, and the whites of his eyes were an unhealthy yellow. Hepatitis, Sasuke acknowledged. Sasuke crouched down by his brother's head, not entirely sure he would see him.

 _"Hey Itachi, it's me, Sasuke…"_

* * *

 _Waaah! Sadness - please review, I love reading them! x_


	7. Chapter 7: Pyroclastic

Helloooo hunnies!

Chapter 7, oooh...And so we progress...

I have a quick grizzle and whine to post at the beginning of the chapter actually (very sorry so please bear with.) It's been brought to my attention that one of my stories was copied *boohoo* ): I'd normally post this at the top of The Prospect of Weird, because the story in question was The History of Normal. I'm not a menace about writing at all, I'm actually incredibly friendly and chilled out about it: you can re-blog it, download it, whatever...But it's really unpleasant seeing (in this case) just chunks of my writing re-hashed in somebody else's writing and for that person to take credit )': reading that makes for a very sad SuburbanSprite. If you do want to re-post or use my writing, please credit me with my username! Thank you x

Side note: I just had a very helpful message, which has reminded me I should mention my whole incident IS resolved - but thank you for your kind concern :) it was an irritating case as it wasn't direct copying; it was a lot of re-hashing descriptions and dialogue and the paraphrasing. It's all sorted now so I can roll on with my epically beanboozling life...

Onto the cheery stuff now my lovely little Sasuke-heads!

Thank you for your reviews, follows and favourites you absolute stars - oozing with love for you!

hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

Chapter 7.

Pyroclastic.

Sasuke was awoken to the sound of gasping and retching. He bolted upright on the sofa, the solid chenille throw falling from around his body as he sat. He stayed, blinking blearily into the darkness, his hands flexing on the sofa cushions – which were hot from his body.

More painful heaving and cut off gagging sounds carried throughout his apartment.

"I'm coming," Sasuke mumbled, rolling off the sofa and padding towards the bathroom.

It had been like this for two weeks. Sasuke would come straight home from Naka Shrine Tattoo Studio, tired and resentful from a day of obnoxious customers. He would be met with a sick Itachi, who sometimes hadn't even made it out of bed. After feeding and watering Itachi, Sasuke didn't get to bed until two in the morning, and even then, he was sleeping on the sofa so Itachi could have his bed. Then, no more than two hours later, Sasuke would be up again with Itachi shaking and projectile vomiting.

It was a never-ending, and soul-destroying cycle.

"It's alright," Sasuke murmured, only half-awake as he traipsed into the bathroom; the light so blinding that it nearly knocked him off his feet. "It's alright, Itachi," he comforted his brother drowsily. Itachi was hunched over the toilet like some kind of insect, none of his limbs seemed to want to work for him anymore. Had he perhaps junked himself up so much, that he had actually blown up his motor cortex? Had his brother's frontal lobe finally gone bang, leaving nothing but a stratus of pyroclastic flow? "We're seeing the doctor tomorrow," Sasuke reminded him, quietly.

It had taken days to get Itachi so much as an urgent appointment, given that he wasn't registered with the same GP as Sasuke.

It felt like Sasuke's whole life was an infinite pit of vomit at the moment. On one hand, he had Itachi regurgitating at every ungodly hour of the day. On the other hand, there was Sasuke. Never again, he had told himself that one time in the burger joint. Never again.

Yet, again and again, Sasuke had repeated the actions of that night, like a ritual. He'd duck into the burger joint, cram food down his throat in a frenzy, and then he would purge…He'd come home with his knuckles bleeding from scuffing them on his teeth as he rammed them down his throat, and he'd tell Itachi he'd been fighting. He'd tell him his bloodshot eyes came from standing under the air vents at work all day. He'd tell him his face was swollen and puffy because he had flare-ups of hives ever since moving to Oxford. His lies were getting more and more ridiculous.

"It'll be okay tomorrow…"

* * *

Sasuke had only had two hours sleep and it was his first Friday off work possibly since he'd started working for Orochimaru. Therefore, when somebody began to hammer on his door, Sasuke was wholly willing to take the seventeen to thirty years prison time for murdering the assailant.

He dragged his blanket up over his head and curled up tightly like a millipede. The knocking stopped and Sasuke breathed a sigh of relief, relaxing his tense shoulders, and turned his face into the rayon sofa cushion he'd been using as a pillow.

"Oh, so you are alive then!" The blanket whipped back, leaving him fully exposed in his boxers and a t-shirt.

"Fuck!" Sasuke gasped, covering his eyes and twisting away from the unnatural light emanating from the fixtures in his ceiling.

"Yes, fuck indeed!" Naruto snapped, casting the blanket at the foot of the sofa. "Why haven't you been answering anyone's calls?" He demanded and Sasuke squinted up at him, his mouth set in a cross line.

"I lost my charger," he lied in a flat voice.

"Well that's funny," Naruto said frostily, "as your charger's plugged in over there." He indicated the extension-chord by Sasuke's television. Sasuke craned his neck and then let his head flop back.

"Why?" He murmured, closing his eyes.

"Why what? Why is it there, because you left it there Sasuke," Naruto pointed out hotly, clearly irritable that Sasuke was being so cryptic.

"No, why?" Sasuke's eyes flew wide and he glared up at Naruto, "why are you here!?" He cried and Naruto raised his eyebrows.

"If it wasn't me Sasuke, it'd just be one of the other's. You can't have friends and just go AWOL, Sasuke, we get y'know…Oh what's that word, _fucking worried_!" Naruto seethed, watching as Sasuke struggled upright, trying to work a crick out of his neck. "Have you been sleeping here – on the sofa?" Naruto quizzed looking incredulous.

"Oh bore off, Naruto," Sasuke muttered, jabbing a faint kick in his direction to move him aside. Naruto side-stepped the quick looking impatient.

"Are you for real, Sasuke?" He probed sounding deeply vexed as he followed behind Sasuke to the kitchen. "In what world do you think you can just drop off the planet and nobody worry? And, the last time we were leaving this apartment, you were in an all-out row with…" Naruto caught Sasuke's eye and faltered as Sasuke bristled.

"Itachi?" Sasuke barked, "Itachi, my brother, you mean?" He cast Naruto a nasty look as he began to fill up a glass with water from the tap.

"Yes, I do actually," Naruto persisted hotly. "The last time we walked out of that door you were threatening to leave the city just to get away from him, and now what?" Naruto demanded in furious incredulity.

"You wouldn't understand Naruto, you don't have a brother. You don't have a brother _like him_." Sasuke muttered dismissively.

"Sasuke, for God's sake, he's a grown man, you aren't responsible for him," Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose, oozing exasperation as he spoke.

"But that's just it though," Sasuke slammed his glass down on the counter top so that water splashed his wrist. "I am, aren't I? I am responsible for him. If I leave _that_ on the streets Naruto, he's just going to go and mug some poor fucker to get his hands on cash for smack – he can't help himself. He's _my brother_ , he's _my problem_." Sasuke met Naruto's eyes, challenging him to argue.

"You serious?" Naruto said in a small voice.

"Deadly." Sasuke retorted in a voice of finality.

"Sasuke?" They both fell silent at the reedy voice and turned to see a cloudy eyed Itachi stood in the arch that lead to the kitchen.

"Hey, Itachi," Sasuke said, quickly moderating his tone to one that was appropriate. "Your appointment isn't for another two hours, you can go back to bed." Sasuke wished Naruto would stop gawping at Itachi, but then again, if it was the other way around and Itachi was a stranger to Sasuke – he would probably stare too. In the weeks that he had been living with Sasuke, Itachi's skin had begun to yellow like an old bruise. He looked inhuman as he crept from room to room, too unsteady on his nodular legs to walk properly.

"Appointment?" Naruto turned back to Sasuke looking perplexed.

"The GP wants to see Itachi again," Sasuke explained distractedly, watching his brother shuffle with agonising slowness towards the bedroom. He remembered an Itachi that used to brawl in the streets. Who used to bring so many girls home their parents had put an embargo on anything with a cleavage for months; until their Aunt had caught Itachi in the act behind some bins – they'd had to accept then that Itachi was going to fuck girls wherever they sent him. Sasuke might've resented his brother, however, at least a part of him could respect Itachi for knowing exactly who he was and exactly what he wanted, and doing it no matter the consequences. The man – no, creature – so withered and frail, was an Itachi that Sasuke didn't recognise.

"How're you getting there?" Naruto queried and Sasuke shrugged his shoulder, not really paying attention.

"Bus, probably."

"I'll take you – my car's outside."

"You will not!" Sasuke barked sharply and Naruto narrowed his eyes.

"And why not?"

"I don't need you ferreting around in our business," Sasuke snarled.

"I'm not ferreting, I'm helping."

"Helping sounds a lot like ferreting."

"For god's sake, just accept the help – do you really want to take Itachi on a bus? What if he chunders, huh? Won't that be embarrassing for him? Or is that what you're hoping for, to humiliate him? Is that some brother thing I don't get now? You want to help him, but make him suffer for it right? Like a proper sadist," Naruto rambled in caustic exasperation.

"Oh, shut the fuck up," Sasuke retorted in an acidic tone, but he had to admit Naruto had a point; the chances of Itachi vomiting were high with all that swaying motion.

"Please stop being a monumental melt and just let me drive you to the GP?" Naruto raised his eyebrows and held Sasuke's gaze.

"Yeah, fine, whatever; but you're not coming in." Sasuke muttered without an ounce of gratitude.

* * *

Naruto stuck to his word and parked outside the surgery, allowing Itachi and Sasuke to enter the GP alone. Sasuke was fidgety as he checked Itachi in, forgetting everything for a moment even though he'd rehearsed non-stop in the car.

"Stop messing with yourself," Sasuke whispered in a severe voice; pulling Itachi's hands away from the collar of the pea coat he'd borrowed from Sasuke. He hadn't stop fiddling with the coat since they'd sat down, pulling the coat's lapels higher and higher around his face, like a turtle receding into woolly neck.

"People are staring," he mumbled, his eyes darting around the cramped waiting room. Sasuke glanced around and saw, with a stab of irritation, that people were indeed ogling his brother.

"Well, let them stare," Sasuke retorted in a deliberately carrying voice.

Eventually, Itachi Uchiha was called in and both brothers sprung to their feet – or rather Sasuke sprung, Itachi sort of wobbled and flopped like a wilting daisy.

Trying to find the right room was like trying to navigate a many doored labyrinth. When they eventually did arrive at Doctor Senju's office, Sasuke shoved Itachi in first and followed behind, stony faced and tight lipped.

"Hello," the woman glanced away from her monitor screen, on which Sasuke saw she'd sent for all of Itachi's medical records, right down to his last rubella shot when he was five. "I'm Doctor Senju, but please call me Tsunade for the sake of sustained mitigation," she reeled off in a formal manner.

Itachi gave Tsunade a wan smile, he was scratching at his skin again, but Sasuke thought it would be inappropriate to smack his hands away from him or tape socks over his fingers like mittens, whilst in the presence of a professional.

"And you are?" She looked at Sasuke, sounding bored.

"His brother," Sasuke replied, matching her tone.

"Right," she nodded and then focused her tawny eyes on Itachi. "Itachi, you've already been told that you're suffering from Hepatitis C. After a discussion with my colleague, the previous GP you saw, we've determined the most likely cause for your contraction was almost definitely needle sharing." Her eyes lingered on Itachi and there was no judgement there. "In addition to medication to control the virus; I would like to schedule you for a liver biopsy and an exploratory endoscopy." She explained.

"Why!?" Sasuke demanded immediately, feeling Itachi go stiff beside him.

"Well," Tsunade stated calmly, "In Hepatitis C, jaundice isn't actually a symptom; that's the yellowish colouration your experiencing all over your body, Itachi. We see jaundice when something goes wrong with our liver. Intra-hepatic jaundice like yours, Itachi, shows itself when the problem occurs within the liver itself and this problem can often be what we call Cirrhosis of the liver." She said slowly and gently, like she was talking to a child. "Normally, you only see Cirrhosis in people who are much older and have been heavy drinkers for much longer than you, _unless_ , like you they contract the Hepatitis virus which accelerates the damage to the liver. Now you told the locum that was on duty last week that you had a history of binge drinking?" She glanced up at Itachi, who'd gone a paler shade of yellow – off custard. "Right, so you are one of the people most at risk, and you are displaying all of the symptoms. So, what we need to do from here is a small exploratory…"

"How do we cure it?" Sasuke blurted out in a strained voice, and both Tsunade and Itachi turned to look at him. Tsunade's face softened as she observed Sasuke.

"Unfortunately, there is no cure for Cirrhosis, you can only manage the symptoms."

"And what if he can't manage them?" Sasuke pressed, he felt airless as he asked.

"If Itachi can't manage his drinking, his diet, and can't stay on the methadone programme then he'll need a transplant, and even then, if he can't prove he can stay clean enough to deserve a new liver, he won't make it on the list." Tsunade paused. "I won't pretend, Cirrhosis is serious and should be treated as such. It's potentially fatal and left unmanaged can become terminal."

Although Sasuke didn't physically move, his very being rocked back; the universe shunted around him. Itachi was potentially terminal. He'd sat in that waiting room, irritable and impatient, inwardly cursing his brother for becoming the bane of his existence. He'd resented Itachi for becoming such a time-consuming facet of his life, all of this fuss just for a box of pills…

However, that wasn't how it had turned out at all.

His brother, his only brother, might be dying…

* * *

"Get everything okay?" Naruto inquired as Itachi and Sasuke slipped soundlessly into his car.

"Yep," Sasuke responded rigidly, his face seizing up like he had lockjaw.

"Feeling relieved, Itachi?" Naruto smiled kindly, touching his foot lightly on the clutch and pulling back the gearstick. Itachi nodded without a word. "I am glad," Naruto said as he rolled the car into reverse.

Sasuke remained tight-lipped the whole drive, tuning Naruto out and trying instead to focus on the radio. Whatever inane buzz was playing, he tried to match the pattern of his thoughts to its melody. Even Radiohead's anthemic measure couldn't drown Sasuke's agitated ruminating.

It was the _'what ifs?'_ that were disturbing Sasuke. What if he hadn't left Arundel? What if he'd just stayed with Itachi, could he have prevented this? What if he hadn't been such a selfish coward and runaway? Could he have stopped Itachi before it was too late?

"Sasuke?" Naruto was waving a hand in front of Sasuke's face, making him jump.

"Hn?" He blinked and pushed himself up in his seat. "What?" The car had stopped moving and when he looked straight forwards out the windscreen, he saw Quarry Place; they were back at his apartment.

"Where did you drift off to?" Naruto laughed his chiming laugh.

Sasuke didn't answer him, he only slipped out of the car and stalked away.

Sasuke fell straight down onto his sofa and drew his knees up to his chest. His sleeping gear was still spread out over the granite cushions. He curled his bare toes into the tassels of the chenille throw. He remembered buying the soft, teddy-bear coloured blanket; when he'd first been bedecking his flat, under the supervision of Sakura and Kiba – things had seemed much simpler and easier five years ago.

"Sasuke?" Sasuke started and is head snapped up, seeing Naruto hovering by the doorway, leaning against the door jambs with an assessing look of concern.

"Where's Itachi?" Sasuke asked immediately.

"He's gone to bed," Naruto murmured, stepping into the living room and shutting the flush door as he went. "Want to tell me what's going on?" He asked quietly, joining Sasuke on the sofa.

"There isn't anything to tell," Sasuke lied, resting his head on the back of the sofa.

"Really? I just think it's weird that the other week you were telling me how much you hated your brother – and in the next breath, you've pretty much become a residential care home," Naruto pointed out tentatively.

Sasuke eyed Naruto and sighed.

"You don't understand."

"Then explain," Naruto implored, shifting his whole body towards Sasuke's.

Sasuke hesitated and then, before he could stop himself, he started talking.

"I don't hate him, not really, I never have. Sometimes though, you look at people and you see yourself in them so much that it isn't them you're hating, it's the reflection of you," he murmured, closing his eyes. "Itachi's the future I nearly had, that's why I ran away. I couldn't face him, I couldn't face us. I guess you can't run from inevitability though, and now…" Sasuke's throat worked and he clamped a hand over his face quickly. "Now he might die, and it's because I wasn't there. I wasn't there to control him." Sasuke took a deep rattling breath and squeezed his eyes tight shut. "Fucks sake," he whispered through trembling lips.

"Sasuke," Naruto placed a hand gently on Sasuke's temple, and when Sasuke parted his fingers to peer at Naruto, he found him smiling reassuringly. "You aren't Itachi, and there's no such thing as an inevitability," he said softly, guiding his thumb gently across Sasuke's brow in comforting circles. "Itachi's mistakes aren't yours – and your mistakes aren't his either. _Might die,_ might doesn't sound very definite to me. It'll be okay, Sasuke." Naruto smiled and Sasuke inhaled sharply, dropping his hand from his face.

"You promise?" And Sasuke was really asking, he wasn't sneering or accusing, he really wanted Naruto to promise him.

"Yes," Naruto said firmly and Sasuke breathed out shakily.

"Thanks," he whispered.

"Your welcome, so you're gonna stop hiding from us?" Naruto asked with a sly grin and Sasuke began to pick at the fringe of his blanket.

"I guess," he smiled pointily. "I can't have you bowling in here every morning."

"That was happening way before you dropped off the radar." Naruto snorted and then looked thoughtful. "I know what'll cheer you up." He waggled his eyebrows, "come down to Castle Dusk; Kiba's got a new haircut; he's gone full on frosted tip perm. He looks like an un-soaked block of spaghetti." Naruto told him gleefully.

"I dunno," Sasuke said dubiously, glancing in the direction of the bedroom, "Itachi…"

"Is a grown man and can phone you or an ambulance if anything goes wrong." Naruto pointed out. "You need to get out Sasuke, you look like shit."

"Charmed. Fine, I don't think I can pass up Kiba with a perm."

* * *

"So exactly which breed of guinea pig did you have to maim to turn it into such a fetching toupee, Kiba?" Sasuke fired at a flushed Kiba. The insults had been non-stop the very moment Kiba had set a toe over the threshold of Castle Dusk.

"Yes, exactly how many poodles did you kill for that wig, Cruella?" Neji asked in a mockingly imperious tone.

"Right, shut the fuck up or I will spark you right out, right here, right now, swear to God like," Kiba threatened, a vein throbbing dangerously in his head as he ducked over his Guinness.

"Oooh, precious," Naruto cooed and the rest of the table began to crow with laughter.

"I honestly don't know why I hang around with you knobs," Kiba fumed.

"Because nobody else would have you with a mop like that," Sasuke suggested slyly.

Bang. The door went behind them and Shikamaru burst into the pub with Shikadai in his arms, looking harried.

"Move up," he shoved Neji up the bench seat, sliding in and dumped a delightedly squeaking Shikadai on the table.

"Yo," Naruto greeted him, frowning, like the rest of them, at Shikadai. "Mate, firstly, your shift doesn't start for half-an-hour, secondly, a pub isn't a creche."

"Oh don't," Shikamaru muttered, slipping his jacket off, "don't even get me started on…" He trailed off, ogling Kiba. "What the fuck happened to your hair?"

"Language!" Kiba reminded acidly, nodding towards Shikadai.

"Oh, balls, yeah." Shikamaru shook his head looking disorientated. "I got a call off Sakura, she's supposed to have him until Temari gets off work at nine. She tells me she's going to Reading in twenty minutes, and I need to come get Shikadai, she has to go, it's urgent." Shikamaru looked incredulous and snatched a beermat off Shikadai. "So, I need you lot to watch him." He said slightly breathlessly. "Except you Kiba, I don't need another sherbet incident." He added quickly and Kiba snorted.

"Jesus," Naruto commented watching as Shikadai clapped together two cards he'd pulled from his pockets. "That's short notice."

"That's no notice." Shikamaru corrected. "I can't take time off, the rent's due this week, and that Danzo is a right…" Shikamaru stopped himself quickly with a furtive glance in Shikadai's direction. "He's a bad man."

"Well, you should've known that renting on the Root Development," Neji pointed out wisely and Shikamaru glanced in his direction looking anxious.

"It's in catchment for the best schools," he muttered dejectedly.

"What're those you're playing with, Shikadai?" Sasuke queried, noticing that the cards Shikadai had been wielding, weren't cards at all.

Everybody's attention turned to Sasuke and Shikadai.

"Can I have a look?" Sasuke held his hand out and took one from Shikadai.

It was as he suspected: the object was in fact a passport. When he flipped the passport open he found the information section blank.

"Where did you get this?" He asked Shikadai, being sure to smile as he spoke.

"Aunty Sakura's bedroom," Shikadai told him with a secretive smile.

Shikamaru snatched the passport from Sasuke's hand and riffled through it, going pale.

"This is illegal, this is so illegal…" he murmured and then ripped the second passport from Shikadai who released an outcry of protest. "These are counterfeit, Jesus Christ, this is fraud, fuck…" Nobody stopped Shikamaru swearing this time.

 _What was Sakura doing stashing counterfeit passports in her bedroom?_

* * *

 _Please review you lovely stars x_


	8. Chapter 8: Vertigo

Hellooo my lovelies!

So chapter 8!

Whoop whoooop!

Thank you for your reviews, follows, and favourites, you radiant stars!

\- I am going to be visiting family tomorrow with the fiance, so no updates tomorrow, but will be back and rolling with mega drama and gushing romance when I'm back on wednesday/thursday!

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 8.

Vertigo.

It is easy, when we begin to struggle with our own lives, to start striving to live through others. This is called living vicariously. We do it, so we can feel like we're experiencing something authentic and exciting, without taking risks ourselves or attempting to manage our own lives. Living vicariously isn't actually experiencing though, it isn't original adventure. Those living in this way, need to break this cycle, and learn to truly live…

Sasuke was living through his brother. He would prepare Itachi balanced and hearty meals three times a day; and then he would watch his brother eat them, like some kind of wistful fantasy. Rarely, very rarely he would join his brother in eating one of the meals; only to rid himself of the food before it even had a chance to digest.

"Itachi, food," Sasuke called, dropping a full plate, so heavy with food that it bent his wrist right back, onto the table. He tried not to look at the plate, and held his breath so he wouldn't inhale the sweet steam rising from the meal; it would only serve to remind him how starved he felt. "I'm going to the gym in a…Ouch!" Sasuke flinched and slapped a hand to his jaw. A sharp, blinding pain had just erupted in the back of his mouth. He had never had toothache before. He frowned, lowering his hand; his body should've been in the best physical condition it'd ever been in, given how strictly he'd maintained his diet and fitness. "Never mind, I'm going now," Sasuke called, shaking the pain off as a fluke. "I'm meeting some friends afterwards, so I'll see you later."

* * *

Sasuke was dripping with sweat and shaking by the time he reached Castle Dusk. He didn't understand, he'd spent his usual two hours on the cross trainer, but for some inexplicable reason he felt sluggish and powerless on his feet. He paused for a moment, leaning against one of the columns that lined the pub windows, trying to clear the fuzz in his head.

"Aye, aye," somebody struck him jovially on the shoulder and Sasuke staggered, his vision wheeling alarmingly. "Oops, sorry, underestimated my own hulk-like strength," Kiba grinned, seizing Sasuke by the scruff and righting him.

Sasuke didn't trust himself to speak, and so only nodded rigidly, feeling his way into the pub; groping at solid walls for support as he went. He couldn't have drunk enough water, he thought, this bout of dizziness could all be put down to dehydration. The second he got a drink down him, he'd be right as rain.

"Alright?" Shikamaru greeted them lazily from behind the bar, a white rag for cleaning the brass taps slung over his shoulder. "You're unusually late today," he studied them both, his eyes lingering on Sasuke for a fraction of a second longer.

"New dog arrived at the shelter," Kiba explained, leaning over the bar to watch Shikamaru pour his pint.

"Gym," Sasuke explained monosyllabically.

"Here," Shikamaru slid the drinks towards the two boys and Sasuke seized his, draining half of his in one go before freezing with it pressed to his lips.

"Is this full fat?" He asked slowly, catching Shikamaru watching him closely.

"You looked like you could do with the sugar," Shikamaru confessed with a casual shrug, but there was something else, something unreadable in his dark eyes. Sasuke placed his glass firmly on the polished mahogany bar-top. He had to admit, as he licked his lips, that the sugar rushed through him like blissful nectar. On the other hand, it's saccharine drip came with the knowledge that later that night, he would be on his knees vomiting until his nose began to stream and head swam. It was a catch twenty-two.

"Thanks," Sasuke muttered, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice as he turned away to head to their booth, leaving his drink behind.

"Alright?" Naruto slid up to accommodate him.

"Hi," Sasuke mumbled and then smacked a hand to his jaw for the second time that day, wincing. His back teeth kept sending lances of unbearable pain rocketing all through his skull.

"What's up?" Naruto asked, leaning so close that Sasuke felt his breath hot on his ear.

"Nothing," Sasuke replied through gritted teeth.

"So, how's Itachi?" Naruto took the conversation in a different direction.

"Ill, like he has been for the past three weeks; but I guess he's perking up a bit," Sasuke admitted with a sigh.

"That's good, I'll stop by tomorrow," Naruto told him with a cheerful smile and Sasuke quirked an eyebrow.

"Since when did you bother announcing your impending visits? Instead of just arriving?" Naruto sniggered at this, his lovely blue eyes dancing under the overhead chain-light. Sasuke didn't know if it was his sudden spell of light-headedness, but looking at Naruto's twinkling smile, he wished he could just press his head into the crux of his broad shoulder and close his eyes.

"You alright? You're nearly cross-eyed?" Naruto quizzed, leaning his face close to Sasuke's, so that he got a waft of his fiery after shave; all tangy ginger and zesty Tonka. Sensuous trace caught in the back of Sasuke's throat, and only served to make him feel dizzier.

"Uhuh," he responded vacantly.

"We can always…" Naruto began, but he was interrupted by a shout.

"Oi, Nara!" Sakura had burst into the pub, and was elevating herself on one of the leather barstools to see fully over the bar. "Get out here now, you snake, I want a word!"

"Hey up, here we go," Kiba muttered under his breath, draining his pint before getting to his feet.

"Sakura?" Kiba called, the rest of them following warily in Kiba's wake.

Sakura whirled to face him, she looked terrible. Her usually sleek and glossy hair, looked dull and oddly straw-like. Her shoulders were exposed from beneath the stained, navy tank-top that hung off her body. Mascara bled into lipstick, until she looked like a corporeal Picasso, and the heel had snapped on one of her patent kitten heels.

"What happened to you?" Neji asked, taking in her deplorable state.

"I'll tell you what happened to me," she hissed, dropping off the bar stool and facing them, "I spent the night in a police-cell. They held me all goddamned night! I'm only out on bail! She was breathing very heavily, her nostril flaring as she glared at each of them.

"You've been at the station?" Naruto raised his eyebrows.

"Did someone call me?" Shikamaru appeared from the back room, looking bored as he polished a champagne flute.

"You!" Sakura exploded and Shikamaru froze.

"Sakura," he said in a voice of false calm.

"Because of your Mrs, I'm facing a fraud charge!" Sakura howled, looking like she might actually flight at Shikamaru across the bar.

"Temari called the police on you?" Kiba looked perplexed and Shikamaru's gaze darted towards him.

"Yes, she did!" Sakura barked, "I could be facing prison time and…"

At that moment, as though on cue, the door chimed to their left. They all whipped around and saw Temari stood in the doorway, looking thunderous. By all accounts, Temari's wrath was a far more cowing one than Sakura's.

"Oh, and here she is now, Oxford's biggest snitch," Sakura seethed, rounding on Temari, who strode forwards. "Well, what've you got to say for yourself!?"

However, Temari didn't say anything at all. As soon as she was close enough to Sakura, she drew her elbow back, curled her fingers up, and threw her fist forwards in a punch that collided with Sakura's jaw.

"Woah!" Neji and Kiba darted to grab onto Sakura, who was spitting and swearing, whereas Naruto and Sasuke rounded on Temari, pinning her arms by her sides.

"That's enough," Naruto warned, as Shikamaru vaulted the bar to join Temari, looking astonished.

"Temari! What are you doing!?" He barked, looking furious, "what happened to staying under the radar?"

"To hell with staying under the radar – there isn't a radar anymore!" Temari cried sounding hysterical as she fought against Sasuke and Naruto.

"Temari, think of Shikadai, we can't risk…" But Temari let out a howl of despair.

"They took him!" She cried, "they took him, _because of her_!" Temari narrowed her eyes in Sakura's direction. Sasuke wasn't sure which one of them was shaking more, him or Temari. She was trembling with rage, great rolls of furious vibrations rolling off her; whilst Sasuke shook with the effort of staying upright.

"What?" Shikamaru gasped.

"Social Services came round; because we left him with her they've taken him, and we aren't getting him back until they're sure we didn't have any involvement in her shit. _How can we prove that!?"_ Temari's bellow trailed off into a desperate sob. "You've lost us our son, you bitch!" She choked, fixing a watery eyed Sakura with a hard stare.

Abruptly, Naruto released Temari, only so that he might seize Shikamaru and stop him flying at Sakura. Sasuke was forced to double his attempts to control Temari.

"You're supposed to be our friend!" Shikamaru roared, struggling against Naruto furiously.

"I didn't know! I didn't this would happen!" Sakura was insisting, choking on frantic sobs.

"That shouldn't matter! You should never have put us in a position where it could've happened! You know why we left Wrexham! You know how hard we tried, and now you've taken it all away, you selfish cow!" Shikamaru cried, his voice breaking. "My son could end up in care, and it's all because of you!" Shikamaru broke free of Naruto's hold and flew at Sakura.

"Shikamaru, NO!" In all the fuss, Sasuke's hands began to slip on Temari: some time ago his fingers had begun to prickle with pins and needles, which had developed into a numbness that spread right up to his elbows.

His vision was impaired, slowly being consumed entirely by something that resembled a great clinquant, palpitating, cosmos. His breathing was coming in difficult, ragged breaths, and he tried to lift his unfeeling arms to grasp at his chest.

 _Breathe._

 _Regain control._

 _Breathe._

 _Regain control._

 _Just breathe…_

 _Regain control…_

Then there was only blackness.

* * *

Sasuke could hear his name being called, it came distorted like he had his head submerged under water. He mumbled and groaned with discomfort when an ache in his neck registered.

"Sasuke!" One voice pierced his state of limbo, and he twitched his fingers and stirred his head. "Sasuke!"

"Stop shouting," he muttered and squinted.

His senses were overpowered all at once and he cringed. The smell of dust and dirty wood registered first, mingled with the acrid tang of varnish. Next was the feel of the unyielding hardness supporting his spine and limp legs. Then came the sight of anxious faces, peering down at him, the closest of which had a pair of stunning, cornflower blue eyes.

"What's going on?" He asked, alarmed as he realised he was stretched out on the decking of Castle Dusk. He was confused as to how he got there, the last thing he remembered was Shikamaru lunging at Sakura; and now he was hovering above him, looking worried.

"You collapsed," Naruto told him in a hushed voice, "you've been unconscious for twenty-minutes." He explained.

Sasuke's heart sunk and he let his gaze travel to the ceiling beams above. Why was his body letting him down like this? First the toothache and now this. He was working so hard, so goddamn to achieve perfection. What was wrong with him? Hadn't he been working hard enough? Or maybe he just wasn't good enough…

"You should go to the hospital," Kiba murmured, his brows drawn in with concern.

"No," Sasuke muttered irritably.

"Sasuke, you really should…"

"No!" Sasuke snapped, pushing himself up and shoving his friends aside as he went. "I just need to go home," Sasuke said in a low voice, moving at an unnatural speed towards the door.

 _Not good enough…_

* * *

 _Build up to uber cluster-fuck...Please review x_


	9. Chapter 9: Animals

Helloooo my cheeks starbound chaps and chapettes!

Chapter 9!

Thank you for all your beautiful and eloquent reviews you little glitters balls! And for your favourites and follows, I love you all!

I hope you enjoy this here chapter!

(And I also hope everybody got the exam results they were expecting today!)

* * *

Chapter 9.

Animals.

 _Love_ , by far the greatest powerhouse within the human arsenal, rivalled only by hate. However, hate is only a response to love, you cannot dislike something with such vengeful hate, unless you once loved it. Making love, arguably the strongest force in the universe.

Capable of giving, of taking, of making, of breaking, of saving, and of denying; for years, we have sought to understand the principles of love. We have divvied its primary fundamentals into four categories: Storge, Philia, Eros, and Agape. The love of our family, the love for our friends, transcending love, and passionate love…

However, given careful thought, mightn't it be the case that Eros and Agape merge into a similar category? Isn't it the truth, that the person you love with the greatest passion, you also love selflessly?

The truth is, we as a species are no closer to understanding love, than we were fifteen centuries ago, scrawling on stone tablets. Which is why, we spend our entire lives fumbling around in a state of perpetual half-madness, under the influence of _love_ …

Sasuke shouldered his way through the mobs of city goers. There were always hordes of tourists in Oxford on Saturdays; things like the castle, the botanic gardens, and the university brought them in. Sasuke's heart was in his throat as he bumped into chattering families, knocking their flash-handheld cameras aside and treading on their sensible walking trainers.

"Sasuke!" Naruto caught up to him at the traffic lights.

Sasuke thumbed the button on the crossing-lights urgently. What was this panic inside him? Like a roaring and swelling.

"Sasuke!" Naruto appeared at his side just as the green man flashed and Sasuke darted across the road. "Sasuke, wait!" Naruto gasped, sprinting to keep up with him.

"Go away," Sasuke said without looking back at Naruto, his voice coming out as a shaky, cracked thing.

"No, not until you speak to me," Naruto retorted doggedly and Sasuke quickened his pace, deviating through an alley. "Stop!" He seized Sasuke's sleeve, yanking him to a stop beside a stack of damp wooden crates, overflowing with mouldering newspapers. Sasuke tried to twist his arm free of Naruto's, but his grip was like a vice on Sasuke's tiny, sparrow-bone wrist.

"Leave me alone," Sasuke gasped, less of a demand and more of a beg.

"What's going on with you?" Naruto pressed, looking stunned as he watching Sasuke squirming frantically to get away.

"Nothing, get off me," he ordered, yanking his arm so hard that the bones clicked painfully.

"What's the matter with your arms?" Naruto raised Sasuke's arm between them, like an object of extreme interest. He reached out and yanked the sleeve of Sasuke's jacket right back, revealing Sasuke's arm. They were so atrophied that they had become shapeless, like un-whittled slips of wood. His skin was so taught of the bone and starved muscle, that every vein was flush against the skin like tissue paper.

"What're you doing?" Sasuke gasped, looking horrified.

 _"What've you done!?"_ Naruto demanded, bleached with shock.

"Nothing – I haven't done anything!" Sasuke barked, finally breaking free of Naruto and rolling his sleeve back down – hiding the damage. He winced as a stab of pain went all through his mouth and he pressed a hand compulsively to his lips.

"What've you done to yourself!?" Naruto looked horrified. "This is it; this is what the collapsing's about, and the headaches, isn't it? This is why you've been so fucking weird." Naruto gaped at him shaking his head and then he stepped back from Sasuke, holding his hands up as though surrendering. "This is…This is fucked up, Sasuke," his hands were trembling as he continued to back away until his back collided with the parallel alley wall. "This is just…" He ran a hand over the back of his head staring unseeingly at the base of Sasuke's throat. "This is too big, this is beyond…" Naruto squeezed his eyes tight shut, before he began to turn away.

Sasuke watched Naruto feeling airless as he began to walk away, back the way they'd come. Naruto had seen Sasuke's bare skin, and the same look of revulsion had twisted his face, that modelled Sasuke's own expression when he looked in the mirror every morning. It mattered so much more though, because it was Naruto, and him looking at Sasuke mattered so much more…

Sasuke aimed a kick at the pile of crates, sending them splintering all over the alley floor.

"Fuck!"

* * *

Sasuke closed his apartment door lightly behind him, listening to the latch edge into place.

"Sasuke?" Itachi called meekly from the bedroom, the moment the door shuddered shut in its frame.

"Yeah, it's me," Sasuke called back, in an orderly tone that in no way reflected him on the inside.

"You're back early."

"Yup." Was all Sasuke could think to reply. It wasn't as though he could talk to Itachi, it wasn't like he could talk to anybody, he was completely on his own.

With a deep shuddering breath, Sasuke pressed his back against the cold door and closed his eyes. He fanned his fingers out over the wood, pressing his palms firmly against the doors surface as he tried to take steadying breaths. What was this? How had he ended up here?

And why, at a time like this, was he so fucking hungry!?

He grit his teeth, trying to stop his hands from shaking, trying to stop himself picturing Naruto's shrinking back as he'd walked away from him. It was no good, to Sasuke's utter horror, his eyes stung and tears began to threaten behind his eyelids. He shook his head violently, inadvertently striking his temple against the door as he tried to shake the tears away.

Why couldn't he control himself?

Why was he like this?

Nobody else was like him. None of his friends we so fat because they couldn't control themselves around food, like an animal. None of his friends collapsed because they're bodies were so febrile and deficient. None of his friends cracked-up like this. So why was he like this? Why wasn't he good enough yet?

Swallowing hard Sasuke straightened up and righted his jacket. Kicking off his plimsoles, he moved towards the heap of shoes piled beside the front door and hunted through them until he withdrew holding a pair of scuffed up trainers. He shoved his feet into the shoes and laced them up quickly before heading back out of the house without a word.

He'd run and burn away the fat that was representative of a lifetimes worth of failure. He wouldn't sit around, wallowing in self-pity. A nasty little animal like him didn't deserve pity, not even his own…

* * *

By the time Sasuke made it back to his apartment for the second, and he hoped, final time that evening, it was night time and lashing with rain. He was in screaming agony; which meant success. As he staggered along the balconies of the twentieth floor, in his starved and delirious state, he tripped over three plant pots, two granite fairy statues, and one very angry cat. When he reached his own door, he could hardly remember his own passcode, and nearly fell flat over the threshold; bedraggled and bruised.

This, was not a fun life, he observed irritably as he peeled his sodden jacket off; slinging it in the vague direction of the kitchen and washing machine. Maybe, in the next life, he'd come back as something easier and more befitting, like a slug. Then all he'd have to worry about was salt. Slugs probably looked at humans every day and laughed at them, with their two clumsy feet and thousands of problems. Become a slug, that was the future.

Rubbing his face, Sasuke meandered into his living room blindly, hoping eventually he'd bump into his sofa.

"Nice swim, was it?" Sasuke froze where he stood, parting his fingers to stare at the speaker.

Naruto lounged on the slate sofa, his long legs stretched out in front of him. His blonde hair was bone-dry, he must've missed the rain, how long had he been here waiting for Sasuke?

"What're you doing here?" Sasuke quizzed edgily, ignoring the quip about his drenched hair. He didn't know where they stood after their altercation earlier. Naruto shrugged and looked around the apartment.

"Just thought I'd drop in."

"Well, drop out, I've got things to do," Sasuke muttered, stepping aside for Naruto to leave, but he didn't budge.

"Like fix up Itachi – already done man; so, looks like you're free," Naruto fixed him with an intense stare that sent goosebumps soaring up Sasuke's arms.

"Thanks, you didn't have to," Sasuke mumbled, averting his eyes. "I'm really tired though so…"

"About earlier, we need to talk," Sasuke's gaze snapped back to Naruto's, so they had finally reached it, the real reason Naruto had turned up at Sasuke's apartment at ten at night.

"There's nothing to talk about," Sasuke put the subject to bed icily, meeting Naruto's Forget-Me-Not blue eyes. "So, if that's all." Sasuke let the words hang between them with pointed meaning.

"Nothing? Nothing at all?" Naruto quizzed coolly and Sasuke nodded.

"Absolutely nothing."

"The general skeletal state of you is nothing? Or that you collapsed in Castle Dusk? I mean, that kind of seems important to me," Naruto arched his brow and Sasuke's insides turned glacial.

"I didn't drink enough at the gym, that's why I passed out," Sasuke shrugged evasively, sitting on the arm of the sofa.

"You know that's bullshit, so cut it," Naruto's eyes sparked dangerously and Sasuke fell silent. "Shall I tell you what I think happened?" He held Sasuke's gaze, his own dark and menacing. "I think you've had us all fooled with this health kick; it isn't a health kick at all. I haven't seen you eat anything properly in months, and you might as well quit the rent for this place as you're pretty much a tenant at that bloody gym now…" Naruto licked his lips before going on. "You've got a real problem, Sasuke."

Sasuke gazed at Naruto; appalled.

"Are you being serious right now?" He snapped, feeling like he'd tripped into some alternate dimension where nobody talked a lick of sense.

"Have you seen yourself Sasuke?" Naruto pressed, looking serious and Sasuke shook his head irritably.

"I'm not listening to this," he muttered, sliding off the arm of the sofa and getting to his feet.

"I'm not surprised – because it's the truth!" Naruto barked, also getting to his feet.

"You've got no idea," Sasuke retorted hotly, turning to square up to Naruto.

"That's your excuse for everything 'you don't understand,' 'you've got no idea.' It's the biggest croc of shit, Sasuke; you just don't want anybody else to understand because then you'd have to face your own fucking problems!" Naruto shouted, taking a step towards Sasuke, who bristled.

"I'm in control of this!" Sasuke hissed.

"Control, control, control – Jesus Sasuke, do you think about anything else? I mean is control so fucking great? It doesn't look that much fun from where I'm standing!" Naruto shook his head looking exasperated. Inexplicably, this comment drove right under Sasuke's skin and set his temper alight.

"Don't you stand there and tell me how to run my fucking life; you've only been on the scene five years, don't think you can't start editing and criticising now!" Sasuke seethed and Naruto looked annoyed. "Why, anyway?" Sasuke spat.

"Why, what?" Naruto glanced at him, his face still creased in a frown.

"Why, why do you always do this?" Sasuke seethed and Naruto shook his head looking lost. "You turn up here, pretty much every fucking day – why!?" Sasuke's voice broke, and Naruto avoided his eye. "Every time you do, you fuck with my head!" Sasuke vented bitterly.

Naruto set his mouth, and looked up at Sasuke with eyes as bright as a kingfisher's back. There was something final and resigned shining beyond his irises.

"You know why," he said simply and Sasuke inhaled sharply. "You know why, Sasuke." He said again firmly.

There was a pause, perhaps a heartbeat, before Sasuke twisted his fingers into the front of Naruto's t-shirt. It had to be him who initiated this. He didn't deserve this, he thought, as he tugged Naruto closer to him. Something as nasty and weak as him didn't deserve this. But fuck, he needed it…

He held so tightly onto the neck of Naruto's shirt, that he heard the cotton fibres within straining and ripping. Elevating himself, he paused, just for a moment, to meet Naruto's eyes. They were as electric as a Himalayan poppy, cast with a starburst of jade flecks. He took a deep breath, tasting Naruto's, hot and unsteady, before he leant in. Naruto was far more confident than him; it seemed easy for Naruto to skate his hands beneath Sasuke's hair and along his jawline. When Sasuke ran his tongue along Naruto's teeth though, Naruto lost some of his cool and let out a low moan.

Everything was fast and fantastic; Sasuke didn't have to think for himself. His body had jumped in for him, and for the first time in his whole life, he wasn't in control, but the resultant sensation was so gratifying he didn't care. He didn't want this to end, he couldn't let this end…

And then, everything went wrong. Naruto slid his hand down Sasuke's chest which made him shudder and smile against Naruto's lips. His hand continued however, finding its way to Sasuke's waist. Suddenly, all Sasuke could think about, was the look on Naruto's face when he'd seen the bare flesh of Sasuke's arm. Why was he kissing Sasuke? He clearly found him repulsive, it'd been all over his face. Was this a joke?

"Stop, _stop, STOP_!" Sasuke insisted frantically, shoving a stunned Naruto away. "Stop it," he panted, holding a hand up to his mouth, as though to guard himself from Naruto.

"Sasuke…"

"Don't!" Sasuke snapped, taking a few deep and steadying breaths. "I want you gone, and…And if you tell anyone that you're worried about me, that you think I'm not eating properly or going to the gym too much; then I'll leave Oxford and I won't ever come back." He met Naruto's eyes and Naruto looked taken aback.

"What?" Naruto blinked, "are you threatening me, Sasuke?" He looked appalled.

"What? No!...I mean…Yes, yes I guess I am," Sasuke whispered, biting his bottom lip so hard it tasted ferrous.

 _This wasn't him, he didn't threaten and manipulate people. That was Itachi. That was the person he'd left Arundel to stop himself becoming. What was happening to him?_

* * *

I hope you enjoyed lovelies! - please review! x


	10. Chapter 10: One Phone Call

Hello my lovelies!

Chapter 10! We're nearing some serious feels...

Thank you for your reviews, follows, and favourites, I can't even cope, like you guys are just infinitely amazing and I wish I could just give each of you a little thank you squish!

Hope you enjoy this chapter sunshines!

* * *

Chapter 10.

One Phone Call. 

The art of deception is one that sentient beings have been practicing for years. We use lies to avoid hardships or uncomfortable situations. It's our weakest form of armour, as lies are effortlessly shattered; leaving the truth uncovered in the worst possible light.

However, with our primal brains, we all believe that we will be the one to outsmart honesty and keep our lie alive.

Some of us, those who are most at risk in this world, have a knack for self-deception. These are the people who can deny reality and rationalise their own lies, with evidence they've manipulated and curated themselves. These are the people who are dangers to themselves.

 _Sasuke Uchiha was one of these people._

 _Sasuke believed his own manic behaviour was safe. Sasuke was lying to himself._

 _Sasuke was a danger to himself…_

* * *

"I'm eating it, see, lovely?" Sasuke made a very deliberate and over-the-top noise of satisfaction. " _Delicious,_ " he said, pulling a challenging face at Naruto as he crammed a piece of toast into his mouth.

Naruto only watched him with a look of disdain.

"Don't play with your food, Sasuke," he muttered caustically and Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"You don't have to treat me like a naughty child that won't eat its vegetables; breathing down my bloody neck everywhere I turn," Sasuke wrinkled his nose in distaste, "it's very off-putting." He said as he gnawed on the toast crusts. "Besides, haven't I proven myself by now?" he queried, "I mean, look at me eating breakfast like a functional adult." He lifted a fork from his plate, dripping in the revolting bean sauce, and waved it pointedly.

Ever since that day and _the incident:_ Naruto had kept schtum about all of his fears for Sasuke's health. Sasuke felt horrible about this, because he knew Naruto's silence was down to his own bullying. He had exploited his and Naruto's ambiguous relationship, by telling him that if he didn't keep quiet, then Sasuke would leave town and Naruto would never see him again.

Naruto had not gone down without a fight though. He was spending more and more time at Sasuke's apartment; gratingly monitoring Sasuke for every meal that he ate, making sure that he swallowed a full portion. He also managed to interfere in Sasuke's gym time by warning the gym staff against letting Sasuke in more than once a day for more than half an hour. Infuriatingly this meant that Sasuke constantly had to make excuses to go to the shops, just so he could go on a jog; often skipping to the next town just to extend his workout. He swore, if he had to 'pop out' to buy 'one more jar of cumin,' he was going to fucking implode. His flat was basically a spice emporium these days for the sake of his fat burning.

Naruto might think he was clever, monitoring and controlling Sasuke's life in this way, but Sasuke was cleverer. He spent the few hours Naruto permitted him alone time, trawling pro-anorexia forums. These people had problems, he knew that, but they also had some good ideas. For example, to prove to Naruto that he was gaining weight; Sasuke would chug gallons of water, throw on the loosest clothes he owned and hop on the scales. The excess water weight added pounds to him and pleased Naruto. Every time Naruto made Sasuke eat one of his disgustingly large meals, Sasuke would push his food around the plate, talking animatedly to Naruto as he did so to distract from the fact that he'd only touched half of the meal; which he later regurgitated.

His purging behaviour had come at a price however. Sasuke's knuckles had become tough and warped where his teeth had scarred them so many times, catching on the flesh as he forced his fingers down his throat. He'd also come to understand that the toothache he'd been experiencing, was the result of erosion; his back teeth had decayed horribly from the constantly flushing of acid vomit.

It was all worth it though, because Sasuke hadn't gained a single pound. In fact, he'd continued to lose weight, right under Naruto's nose.

"Proven yourself," Naruto scoffed, flicking the page of the copy of NME he was thumbing through lazily. "This isn't some job interview, Sasuke."

"I'll let you weigh me, later," Sasuke offered, trying to make it sound tantalizing as he whipped his half-eaten meal off the table before Naruto could scrutinize the plate.

"Sure," Naruto nodded distractedly.

"Something wrong?" Sasuke frowned, noticing how vapid and distant Naruto looked sat at the breakfast bar.

"Sorta," Naruto muttered and Sasuke opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, but they were interrupted by the arrival of Itachi.

Sasuke's brother was doing much better. Having done all that the doctors had asked, he was almost fading back to a half-human shade of peach.

"Yo," he raised a hand and Sasuke nodded, still watching Naruto, who rustled the pages of his magazine.

"You off out?" Sasuke eyed Itachi shrewdly and Itachi grunted.

"Yup, gotta get my jellies," he laughed humourlessly – jellies, the heroin addicts slang for the small, brightly coloured cups of methadone they doled out at the chemist. Sasuke thought they looked rather like the shots of neon mouthwash dentists handed you after an examination.

"Call me when you get there," Sasuke insisted, nestling into the nook of countertops, watching his brother move towards the front door.

" _Call me when you get there_ , you're such a mother-goose, Sasuke," Naruto chuckled as the front door slammed.

"Not really, I just like to keep tabs on him; make sure he's not choking on his own vomit on some dudes sofa, y'know, the heroin addicts downfall," Sasuke shrugged and Naruto sobered up immediately.

"Sorry."

"Don't be, that was meant to be funny. It wasn't, was it?"

"No," Naruto told him fairly, with a faint smile.

"So," Sasuke began eyeing Naruto thoughtfully, "what's got you down? Normally you're irritatingly chipper at this time in the morning – kind of like a cheerleader, cheering me to stuff my face with cheerios," Sasuke cocked his head questioningly.

Naruto sighed deeply, and shut his magazine with a little too much severity. Then he ran his hands through his already tousled golden hair, until it stood on end like he'd been tasered.

"Sakura," he muttered looking miserable.

Sasuke pursed his lips at the name; Sakura seemed to be the root of just about everyone's problems at the moment.

"What's happened?" Sasuke asked, moving to sit opposite Naruto.

"She's asked me," Naruto began, fiddling with the pages of his NME, "to be her character witness in court." He leant his head on his hand heavily.

"What?" Sasuke said in a tone of disbelief and Naruto nodded.

"Yeah, she wants me to go to court and tell everyone what a lovely person she is," he glanced up at Sasuke. "And the thing is, she is usually, isn't she? She's great, but then she's gone and pulled this shit – and what she's done to Temari and Shikamaru, that's not what friends do…How can I tell a jury what a fantastic person and friend she is, when she's responsible for losing them their son?" He screwed his eyes tight shut, a look of contrition lancing his handsome face.

Sasuke felt a stab upon seeing Naruto's misery, like he himself felt Naruto's pain.

"She can't ask you to do that," Sasuke murmured and Naruto breathed out slowly and unsteadily.

"But she has, and I don't know what to do."

"Why ask you though – why not Ino? It makes no sense," Sasuke shook his head with a frown.

Naruto averted his gaze from Sasuke's and placed his hands flat between them.

"There was this thing between us, when we were like seventeen. I mean it ended pretty fucking promptly – like, one week I was a single virgin, by the end of the week I was still single, but lost the good ol' v-plates…" Naruto laughed shakily. Sasuke didn't laugh, he felt inexplicably stony. "Anyway, I guess even though it ended, she still kinda holds onto that bond," Naruto shrugged and then glanced up at Sasuke. "Sasuke?" He prompted and Sasuke blinked, wondering how his face must look; did it reflect the bitterly jealous monster raging inside him?

"Hmm? Oh," Sasuke shook his head to clear it of his own inane envy. "Even if that's the case, she can't expect this of you," Sasuke said softly, reaching across the table to rest his fingers atop Naruto's. "This isn't your problem, Naruto, you can't fix the world." Naruto made a noise of vague agreement, however he looked unconvinced. "Hey," Sasuke said thinking on the spot. "As you're pretty much shacking up at mine now – why don't you just stay here tonight? We can just chill, smash out some Battlefield, just have a Sakura free zone?" He suggested.

Naruto met Sasuke's eyes looking surprised and then grinned.

"Sure," he nodded, "I'll take you down."

* * *

Sasuke was in a better mood than usual at work, he didn't even snap at his shift changes.

"This design is too small for here, and the ink will bleed…" Sasuke was explaining to a woman, who was holding her wrist out to him, blushing furiously as he brushed her skin with his marker pen. "I'd move it up here," he circled a point on her forearm, "that way…"

"Oi, Sasuke!" Karin interrupted them and Sasuke paused, leaving the nib of his Sharpie resting on the woman's arm.

"What?" He frowned, "I'm trying to help a customer," he jerked his head towards the shy woman with a crop of black hair.

"Well, I'll take over," Karin smiled her false customer service grin, adjusting her boxy glasses on her nose. "Miss Hyugga, yeah? Booked in for twelve?" Karin glanced down at the bookings pad and the woman nodded fervently, glancing between Sasuke and Karin anxiously.

"Two seconds," Sasuke mouthed to the nervous woman, holding up to fingers. "What is it?" He asked Karin in an irritable undertone.

"There's a call for you in the back room," she muttered without looking up.

"Who is it?" Sasuke asked and Karin shrugged, stealing one of the complimentary peppermints Sasuke and she had survived off in their broke days.

"I dunno – some woman, she sounds pissed, girlfriend maybe?" She peered at him over the thick rims of her glasses. "I'd go take it before she busts the speakers and you owe old Orochi a new phone," she arched an eyebrow.

Sasuke straightened up abruptly.

"See you in a sec," he mumbled before dashing off to the back room.

The parlours backroom was archetypally 'tattoo shop.' With skateboards lashed to the walls and their energy drink sponsor's logo tacked onto every surface. Sasuke hurried to the silver phone, resting off the receiver on the admin desk, and fumbled to press it to his ear.

"Sasuke Uchiha, Naka Shrine Tattoo Parlour," he said in his most professional intonation.

"Oh, hello Sasuke Uchiha of Naka Shrine Tattoo Parlour," drawled a familiar female's voice.

"Temari?" Sasuke frowned, slightly breathless as he sat on the edge of the desk. "Why're you calling me at work?"

"Emergency," she told him bluntly and Sasuke bolted upright.

"What's happened, who's hurt?" Sasuke's choked.

"Tssk, pipe down, you moist toilette," Temari chided and Sasuke fell back onto the desk, confused.

"Then what?"

"I need you to act as Shikamaru and I's advocate – we need you to temporarily home Shikadai." She told him flatly and Sasuke choked on nothingness.

"What?" He asked in a strained voice.

"Yeah, we've got evidence against Sakura that'll clear us so we can get Shikadai back, but we need to put him into a temporary home, obviously one of you lot," she explained and Sasuke shook his head opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish.

"What about Sai and Ino?" He asked in a reedy little voice.

"Our first choice, obviously," Temari said, leaving Sasuke feeling exceptionally un-flattered. "But it turns out Sai's got previous, some pitiful graffiti charge, but we can't risk the social having anything to use against us," Temari explained sounding annoyed.

"Temari, have you completely forgotten that I live with a bloody heroin addict?" Sasuke hissed, glancing through to the main floor to check that their conversation wasn't being overheard.

"Yeah, I know, isn't it fucking awful that you're our best shout? I mean Neji and his vegan crazed household are a no go. Kiba, absolutely fucking not. Naruto doesn't even live on legal premises. So actually yes, you and your junky brother are our best option," Temari snapped and then in a softer tone. "Please, Sasuke?"

Sasuke rocked on the balls of his feet, in a panicky little dance as he gnawed furiously on his bottom lip.

"Urgh, for how long exactly, Temari?" Sasuke whispered covertly into the receiver.

"A fortnight, tops," she promised quickly and Sasuke closed his eyes with a heavy sigh.

"Yeah, fine, but when the social comes over to assess me; you're babysitting Itachi – you can feed him his methadone and everything." Sasuke bargained in a stroppy tone that Temari didn't seem to notice.

"I'll babysit whoever you want for a bloody lifetime, Sasuke, if you do this for us; thank you, thank you!"

"Yeah, whatever, now let me get back to work."

* * *

"So, Shikadai's coming to live here?" Naruto asked later that night, smashing the buttons on Sasuke's second Xbox control.

"Apparently so," Sasuke sighed, his eyes following his avatar closely on the screen.

"Wow, so you'll be…Y'know…Surrogate dadding," Naruto laughed and Sasuke screwed his face up.

"Please – enough with that, already," he muttered, hitting the buttons on his control so hard the tiny gears began to rattle.

"Old man Sasuke, it doesn't really roll off the tongue," Naruto snorted and Sasuke aimed a sightless kick in Naruto's direction, risking the forfeit of his mission.

"Shut it."

"Will you be alright though?" Naruto quizzed and Sasuke frowned.

"Huh?"

"With Shikadai, I mean? You've already got Itachi swooping around the place like The Methadone Ghost of Addiction Past, do you really need a kid on top of that?" Naruto mused and Sasuke's frown deepened.

"How difficult can they be? Just give them cake and Power Puff Girls and watch them go," he shrugged. He saw out of the corner of his eye Naruto's jaw drop.

"Cake and Power Puff Girls, really, Sasuke?" He asked incredulously, "I mean, really? You're gonna let Professor Utonium and a bowl of Betty Crocker batter mix, babysit your best friend's son?" He shook his head in astonishment. "Wow."

"Well, when you put it like that it doesn't sound great," Sasuke mumbled, shifting uncomfortably.

"No, Sasuke, because it isn't great," Naruto pointed out as though this much were obvious.

"Oh, whatever, I'll figure it out," Sasuke shrugged Naruto off.

They continued to play until eventually…

"You beat me!" Sasuke gasped in astonishment, Naruto had never ever beaten him.

"Yup," Naruto leant back looking smug.

"You actually beat me!" Sasuke was rigid with shock, "How!?"

"You know how you say you always win because you've got so much control…Well, you just lost because you overthought literally everything," Naruto grinned.

Sasuke was inexplicably furious, much angrier than he should've been and he threw his controller down on the floor. Naruto whistled, watching Sasuke's tantrum unfold.

"Gamer rage," he observed and Sasuke threw him a dirty look. "Wanna play again?" Naruto offered and Sasuke wrinkled his nose petulantly.

"No, thank you," he snapped waspishly.

"Very sour of you," Naruto laughed, stretching out a leg and lightly kicking Sasuke. He caught Naruto's ankle deftly and held it.

"Itachi never called me," he said slowly and Naruto tilted his head to one side. "This morning," Sasuke looked up at Naruto. He'd been so caught up in Naruto, so embroiled in his own little Oxford world, that he'd forgotten all about his brother. "Itachi never called me once he got to the clinic."

Naruto gazed at Sasuke, going pale…

* * *

DAMN DAMN DAMN! Hold out cliffhanger! Hope you enjoyed huns, please review x


	11. Chapter 11: Crossings

Hello my lovelies!

Chapter 11, ooooh mystical!

I know normally I publish The Prospect of Normal today, but I was super pumped to write this chapter, so I will get to writing the next chapter of TPOW now!

Thank you for all your reviews, got some this time that hit me right in the feels, no joke! I read some of them out to my fiancé (let's give him a name because I feel like an arse always going 'my fiancé' so let's call him TheSuburbanElf) so anyway, I read some of them out to him and he literally said you guys just sound fab. So you have all the loves from the SuburbanSprite and the SuburbanElf!

Love you all!

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 11.

Crossings.

Friendship is an amazing thing, strangely, next to monetary gain, and visual attraction; friendship is one of the fundamental pillars of this world's social integrity.

The bond of friendship, inclines us to act in altruistic manners that we wouldn't extend to strangers in the street. Odd, as a friend is nothing more than a stranger we once picked and held onto. Nevertheless, we love our friends, may they be many or few; we trust them implicitly and share all with them. No matter the difficulty it poses us, we all want to care for our friends…

"No, Shikadai, not in there!" Sasuke warned, out of breath as he chased the giggling toddler around his apartment. "We don't go in there, do we?" He grinned at Shikadai as he caught him, and hauled him up, slinging him over his hip. Shikadai squealed with delight as Sasuke lifted him and patted Sasuke's cheek, smearing the remnants of egg yolk still left over from breakfast on his tiny fingers, all over Sasuke's face. "We don't go in there, that's where the monster lives," Sasuke screwed his face up in a comically grotesque visage, and Shikadai hooted with gleeful laughter.

"I wish you'd stop telling him that," the aforementioned monster grumbled emerged from his pit – which had once been Sasuke's bedroom.

Sasuke watched through narrowed eyes as Itachi slouched against the doorframe, appraising Sasuke's stance.

"I wish you _weren't_ such a monster," Sasuke muttered bitterly and Itachi rolled his eyes with a noise of impatience.

"Get over yourself Sasuke – everybody relapses once, I didn't die or O.D, and I'm back on the script," he sounded irritable and Sasuke scowled.

" _Everybody relapses once_ , you make it sound like you've cheated on your diet, not passed out in the back of some seedy dealer's van doped up," Sasuke shot back snappishly and Itachi pulled a face.

"How many times do you want me to tell you it was a one off?" Itachi glowered at Sasuke who cast him a look as though he was something particularly nasty stuck on the bottom of his shoe.

"I don't; I just want you to hurry up and get better so you can get the hell out of my house." He spat and then turned back to Shikadai with a sweet smile, jiggling him like he'd seen Shikamaru do.

"Very brotherly," Itachi scoffed.

"Well, what kind of brother makes his little brother comb the streets for six hours because he's back on the junk?" Sasuke said in a sing-song voice, not taking his eyes off Shikadai.

Itachi didn't respond, he didn't move from his spot in the doorway either though.

"I don't know why those two trusted you with their kid – I wouldn't trust you with a goldfish," Itachi muttered and Sasuke frowned at him.

"Beg your pardon? I've done a pretty good job at making sure you don't wilt and die." Sasuke pointed out.

"Yeah, can't look after yourself though, can you?" Itachi laughed slyly and Sasuke's frown deepened.

"Huh?"

"You're always going on about how shit I look – I'm not the one who looks like some monster dragged straight from a Hammer House of Horror film," Itachi lips quirked up nastily at the corner and Sasuke blanched.

"Oh, shut up, Itachi," he told his brother, half turning away from him.

"Seriously, Sasuke, you look more and more like those stick figures from the Blair Witch by the day – it's not a good look, man," Itachi quirked an eyebrow and Sasuke opened his mouth, preparing to hurl a torrent of abuse at Itachi, but the intercom buzzed interrupting him.

"Back in your box, monster," Sasuke ordered – they had to keep Itachi hidden away in case the visitor was a surprise appearance from the social worker.

"Hello?" Sasuke answered the intercom, out of breath as he ran to pick up the receiver, swinging Shikadai with him.

"Mornin'," Sasuke was taken aback by the voice. It was Shikamaru, his presence at the flat where Shikadai was temporarily residing was a huge breach of the terms set out by social services: he was taking a big risk.

"Hey man, come up."

* * *

"Hey little man," Shikamaru was all over his son the moment Sasuke answered the door.

Shikadai thrust his small hands, palms flat, out towards his father and began to bleat for him to hold him.

"Oh, here," Sasuke unloaded Shikadai on Shikamaru and let the thorny haired man in quickly. "Not that I mind, but what're you doing here? If the social gets…"

"Yeah, I know," Shikamaru nodded, lost in staring down at his son's face, as though trying to memorise every millimetre of dimpled skin. "I'm on my way to work, I need to leave something with you." He explained, glancing up reluctantly at Sasuke, tucking Shikadai affectionately under his chin as he did so.

"What's that?" Sasuke quizzed and Shikamaru did a one-eighty spin on the spot. He was wearing a fraying navy rucksack, the zip on the front pocket was completely destroyed.

"Go in the middle pocket, it's the brown envelope," he told Sasuke, who, frowning as he did so, approached Shikamaru and began to turf through his rucksack.

"Has Temari made you a packed lunch?" Sasuke snickered, withdrawing a few misshapen lumps of tinfoil which judging by the yeasty smell contained sandwiches.

"She tries," Shikamaru mumbled and Sasuke could see the tops of his ears glowing red.

When he found the envelope he held it up and gave it a little shake, like a child trying to suss the contents of a birthday present.

"Well, it's definitely not a puppy," he jested lamely as Shikamaru turned back to face him, readjusting Shikadai against his chest, who was clinging to his father like a small marmoset.

"It's the fee for the lawyer," Shikamaru explained, "I've got to drop it in the bank on my way back from work, but I don't really want to take a grand in my bag to Castle Dusk," he confessed with a grimace.

"A grand," Sasuke gasped, "where did…"

"Pay day loan and…And Temari's brother Gaara; he's always been friendly with us, he won't tell Rasa anything," Shikamaru explained, but his face still contorted with worry.

"Mate, a pay day loan, those things are a risky business," Sasuke pointed out concernedly and Shikamaru nodded, running a shaking hand over his face.

"Mmm, I know; but Neji's gonna bail us out of this one when he gets paid." He opened his eyes looking defeated, "we owe you guys a lot," he muttered.

"Don't sweat it," Sasuke laughed light-heartedly. "Just chuck that money on the side," Sasuke indicated his sideboard, moving towards his bedroom. "Itachi, it's Shikamaru, so you can stop holding your breath and come out."

Shikamaru turned abruptly and a look of guilt twisted his already worn face.

"Itachi, of course, I'm really sorry, he shouldn't have to…"

"Don't worry about him," Sasuke shook his head.

"Where are you off to today then?" He glanced at Shikadai, who Sasuke had managed to cram into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a turtle on the front.

"We're going to Aunty Ino's – because whilst the social worker isn't looking, she's a much better babysitter than Uncle Sasuke," Sasuke said in that nursery rhyme voice as he smiled at Shikadai. "She's taking him to some play area, you know, where the kids drown in pits of foam?" He glanced at Shikamaru who nodded looking stricken.

"Okay, well, let's give you back to Uncle Sasuke," when Shikamaru tried to pass Shikadai back to Sasuke, the toddler began to grizzle and clung to his father tighter. It was painful to watch Shikamaru force Shikadai off him, and by the time Shikamaru left, Shikadai was inconsolable.

* * *

At work, Sasuke slumped on the sofa in the backroom with a cushion over his head, letting Karin deal with all the customers. Naruto had been right, having a toddler zoom about his apartment was a lot more taxing than he'd originally anticipated. He didn't understand how Temari and Shikamaru had done it for so long.

Having Itachi around and his constant relapse threat, didn't help either. Sasuke had sat with him in the back of a stolen postal van, straining to hear the sound of an ambulance siren over the sound of rain flooding the engine. Itachi mightn't have overdosed, but that was only because Sasuke called the ambulance in time for them to flush him out. What riled Sasuke most, was that Itachi had been told, whilst he was on the methadone a repeat term on heroin would almost definitely result in overdose.

On his lunch break, Sasuke had a visitor.

"Sasuke…Oi, Sasuke, wake up," somebody shook him lightly.

"What!" Sasuke bolted upright, nearly falling off the sofa, "I wasn't sleeping – Shikadai, don't put spaghetti in the DVD player," he rambled drowsily, swiping drool from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand.

"What?" Naruto chuckled, crouching so that he was eye level with Sasuke.

"What're you doing…" Sasuke peered around the room, his surroundings coming into focus. Skateboards, lots of spray paint, and empty vials of ink rolling about the floor.

"Oh shit," he sniffed sleepily, "I feel asleep at work."

"No shit, being a mother hen knocking it out of you a bit, then?" Naruto chuckled, his eyes crinkling around the edges.

"Mmm, yeah, I'm not cut out for it," Sasuke yawned, combing his fingers through his hair in a useless attempt to tame the mess.

"Lucky I've come to get you for coffee then," Naruto beamed, straightened up and holding his hand out, waggling his fingers enticingly.

"Huh?"

"Are you in there at all?" Naruto knocked lightly on the top of Sasuke's skull making him jolt. "Coffee, I need a chat." His expression recast itself and he looked suddenly serious.

"Yeah, sure, I'm on break – what about?" Sasuke muttered, pushing himself unsteadily to his feet.

"The court case."

* * *

Sasuke's brain fog had lifted slightly by the time he was halfway through a black coffee, perched on a barstool in the artisan café across the street from Naka Shrine Tattoo Studio.

"So, what was it you wanted to talk about?" Sasuke queried, watching enviously as Naruto tipped three sugars and two cups of milk into his own coffee.

"I've spoken to Sakura's attorney," Naruto admitted, leaning across the table looking furtive.

"How'd you manage that?" Sasuke frowned, alarmed as he dropped his mug back on its saucer.

"They still want me to act as a character witness for Sakura…"

"Which you're not going to do," Naruto looked blank at this, staring down into his milky coffee, "Naruto?" Sasuke prompted.

"That was before," he said flatly.

"Before?" Sasuke tilted his head, watching Naruto's contrite expression.

"Sasori's pleading diminished responsibility, some bullshit reason, but the reason's not what matters; what matters is he's claiming Sakura manipulated his actions, that she played on his health." Sasuke's eyes widened at this and Naruto nodded, his jaw tense. "He's throwing her under the bus, and it'll work; he's got a character witness, one of the lads from the syndicate that didn't get caught, Nagato something? The point is, Sakura's going to get all the blame for this." Naruto whispered looking panicked. "Even if this was just regular fraud, she'd still be looking at a twelve-month prison sentence, but her attorney thinks because it's serious fraud she'll be looking at ten-years." Naruto was pale beneath all of his golden quills and Sasuke didn't blame him: _Ten years_.

"Fuck," Sasuke whispered.

"So, yeah, I'm pretty much Sakura's last hope," Naruto muttered looking bitter as he snapped a wooden stirrer in half resentfully. Sasuke nibbled his nails thoughtfully – they'd become dry and chapped in their weakened beds.

"This morning, Shikamaru stopped by mine," Sasuke told Naruto quietly and Naruto looked shocked.

"But…"

"No one saw," he waved a hand, "but you didn't see what it was like when I had to take Shikadai back off him. The kid just kept screaming and crying until he puked, I've never seen distress like it, it must've really hurt him to cry like that but he couldn't stop. He's only three, and Sakura did that to him – not because she wanted to, but because she just didn't bother to think," Sasuke shrugged. "She didn't think about anyone except herself, and now a three-year-old has been dragged away from his mum and dad, and he's got no idea why. For all he knows, Shikamaru and Temari have just abandoned him." Sasuke shook his head, tapping his finger on the rim of his cup. "I dunno how easy it would be for me, after seeing that, to get up in that stand and tell everyone what a great and selfless person Sakura is." He met Naruto's eyes which were shimmering with the reflection of the café's strip-bulbs.

"So, you say I shouldn't do it?" Naruto asked in a low voice.

"No, that's not what I'm saying; I'm saying you do it, and you be as honest as you can. You tell the jury exactly who she is, the good and the bad and let them come to their own decision. Then, no guilt lies with you, does it?" Sasuke smiled at Naruto whose lips parted.

"You're right," Naruto murmured and then returned Sasuke's smile, "cheers man."

"Yeah, well, motherhood does things to you," Sasuke waved a hand dramatically and Naruto snorted.

"Delirium more like."

"Yeah, probably," Sasuke agreed with a chuckle.

Sasuke watched Naruto, and there were still the remnants of trouble stirring in his eyes. Without thinking, Sasuke reached across the table and brushed his fingers across Naruto's temple. Naruto went statuesque under Sasuke's faint touch.

"Stop worrying," Sasuke muttered, catching a wayward lock of sunflower hair and pushing it behind Naruto's ear, "I can actually hear the cogs grinding in your brain, it's very distracting." He smiled gently. To his surprise, Naruto reached up and caught Sasuke's hand, placing his own over the top and slid his fingers into the gaps between Sasuke's. Sasuke watched him close his eyes, an irenic look of utter serenity washing over his sun blushed face. Sasuke let the warmth of Naruto's cheek bleed into his hands, and down into his veins like the gold weave of Rumpelstiltskin.

If only Sasuke could have this, if only he was _good enough for this._

He drew away from Naruto, filled with resent for himself, _if only he worked like everybody else…_

* * *

"Sure man…You and Kiba come over later for Fallout and we can take it in turns to watch Shikadai, that'd be super helpful," Sasuke had only left Naruto a couple of hours ago, and yet the boy was straight on the phone the second Sasuke had left work. "Right, I'm going in my apartment now, so just come over whenever, I'm not going out again," Sasuke said into his mobiles receiver as he awkwardly keyed in his apartment's code. He had a bag of groceries slung over his wrist, heavy with tins of pasta goods laden with tomato sauce for Shikadai. He's also picked up a six pack of Pepsi Max for Itachi as a peace offering for their bickering that morning.

He hung up on Naruto and crashed into his apartment noisily.

"Jesus," he spluttered, out of breath as he staggered to the kitchen. "Itachi are you…" Sasuke stopped, catching sight of his brother.

Itachi was rooted to the spot, staring at Sasuke like a dear caught in the headlights. He had one of Sasuke's duffel bags slung over his shoulder, stuffed full of so many things that it was bulging at the zip. But that couldn't be, when Itachi had turned up at Sasuke's, he hadn't had anything but the clothes on his back, unless…

Sasuke's eyes travelled to Itachi's right hand and his heart plummeted, he felt his skin turn icy and his face turn stony. Clutched in Itachi's hand was the brown envelope Shikamaru had left him, containing the thousand pounds to pay for a lawyer.

"Sasuke, it's not…" Itachi began, but Sasuke had heard it all before, had seen it all before. Over and over when he was a teenager, he'd seen his money banks shattered and debit cards stolen.

"Take it then," Sasuke challenged frostily, "take it, Itachi."

Itachi held Sasuke's gaze, eyes wide with guilty horror, and then the guilt began to die, to be replaced by a weary vexation.

"You don't understand, Sasuke," he muttered and began to make for the front door.

Sasuke watched him, stunned, was he actually going to leave?

Then he was gone.

Sasuke stood, unmoving, staring at the spot he'd just caught Itachi in. After all that he'd done for Itachi, and now Itachi was just going to give up? He was going to rob all of Shikamaru and Temari's money and take Sasuke's belongings for good measure? Was that the person, _the brother_ , Itachi really wanted to be?

* * *

By the time Sasuke caught up to Itachi, he was in the carpark outside the flats, walking with the gait of a man who hadn't just robbed his brother.

"Oi, is that it then, are you just giving up!?" Sasuke shouted, skidding to a halt a few metres from his brother, dust kicking up around his ankles from the dry concrete floor.

Itachi hesitated and turned ever so slightly, just enough for Sasuke to see his face.

"Go away, Sasuke," he dismissed and Sasuke grit his teeth.

"So, what, you're just going to crawl away and die?" Sasuke demanded, following Itachi who had begun to stride off again. "Because if that's why you think I followed you, to try and stop you, then you're wrong!" Sasuke bellowed, "you can rot for all I care!" Sasuke howled and Itachi spun to face Sasuke, his face contorted with rage.

"Oh, come on Sasuke, let it all out!" He barked, "you've obviously been waiting to say this!" He shouted. A few passers-by and other occupants of the flats had stopped to stare at their quarrel it had soared in volume so greatly.

"I couldn't give a fuck if you O.D'd, the only reason I came and found you the other day, was because I couldn't t be arsed with the skype call to mum and dad to tell them you'd finally swanned off this mortal planet!" Sasuke snarled nastily and Itachi's eyes flashed. "NOT that they'd bat a fucking eyelid when it eventually does happen. If I'm honest, I think we're all kind of hopeful one of your dealers gets a bit fed up of you and launches you in a canal; it'll save on funeral costs!" Sasuke as good as screamed at his brother who looked ready to swing for him.

"SHUT UP, SASUKE!"

"It's your fault that mum and dad left!" The words physically tore Sasuke's throat on the way out.

"Oh, here we go," Itachi snapped, waving a hand dismissively in Sasuke's direction as he turned and began to walk again.

"You drove them away! You drove mum and dad away and landed me stuck here with you, you ruined my life, Itachi, you…"

"Because you were so perfect, Sasuke!" Itachi spun around to face Sasuke again, fury sparking in his eyes, identical to Sasuke's. "Or have you and your incredibly selective memory forgotten that, huh?" He shouted. "Mum and dad constantly had to get the police out to bring you home because you were forever running away! Vanishing over your mate's houses and they had no idea where you were! Or running off up to clubs in London! It's a habit of yours that, isn't it, Sasuke, running away!?" Itachi barked, his mouth thin with temper. "I know I played my part in driving mum and dad away, but at least I accept that! For years I've let you fucking blame me for all this shit, but you know what, you're twenty-three, not anymore Sasuke!" He snarled, hoisting the duffle bag up and backing away towards the road.

Sasuke inhaled sharply, his hands shaking at his sides.

"Fuck you, Itachi!" Sasuke cried, it was all he could think to say.

"Oh, nice one, Sasuke," Itachi spat, "do you see it now? Do you see how you've blamed me for everything, and you were a little shit to, do you see it!?"

"ITACHI STOP!"

Itachi didn't stop however, he continued to back away from Sasuke without looking where he was going. He walked backwards sightlessly, stepping into the road, right into the path of an oncoming lorry.

 _Sasuke had always said, that there weren't enough crossings in Oxford…_

* * *

 _Ahhh...SURPRISE? please review sugars x_


	12. Chapter 12: White Noise

Hellooo stars!

Ooooh! So, surprise death last chapter...

Thank you for all your lovely reviews, favourites, and follows; love to you all!

Hope you enjoy this chapter stars!

* * *

Chapter 12.

White Noise.

We argued that love was the most powerful force in the human repository. However, what happens when that's taken from us? What happens when love is snatched from us?

Grief. Grief happens. We spend our whole lives fearing death, terrified of our own expiration; when the true nightmare lies in our loved ones leaving us behind. It takes one second, one final heartbeat, for an intrinsic bond built upon the strongest human connection – an individual bond you'll never forge again, to end.

Life itself in its physical form is cheaper than we know, bodily we're worthless. It's our minds, words, and souls that invent those strongest relationships. It isn't the body that we miss, it's the conversation that we'll never have, the idea that we'll never share, the private joke we'll never connect over again.

One heartbeat, and it's all gone.

Kubler-Ross, says that there are five stages to grief, that it is a wholly definable path: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The idea that we can hone each of our induvial experiences down into one phase model, must be a fallacy, because we're a far more complex breed than that.

We feel pain in a place no doctor can touch. We suffer in a singly human way that even we can't comprehend. We aren't smudges in a petri dish, transparent and easily deciphered; we're complex, we hurt, and we break.

* * *

"No, no, no…" Sasuke mumbled under his breath, hurrying out into the road, weaving around the bonnet of the lorry which had begun to gush diesel and steam.

A small cluster of people had begun to flock around something in the road, including the hysterical truck driver, who had his hands on his bleeding head as he jabbered frantically: "I didn't see him…He just stepped out!"

"Move!" Sasuke shouldered a woman aside.

He drew to an abrupt halt with the rest of the crowd, not daring to go any closer. There wasn't a lot of blood, like you might expect; just some dark syrupy ooze dripping from his brother's nose and ear. Itachi's left arm had dropped unnaturally down his body, presumably where the truck had knocked it out of its socket upon impact. He didn't look limp or soft; he looked brittle, like his frame had splintered beneath the force of the lorry's head.

One thing was abundantly clear to Sasuke, as he stared down at his brother, invisible amongst the rest of the onlookers.

His brother was dead.

* * *

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke jolted at the sound of his own name, echoing off the walls of the white tiled hospital corridor. He'd been lost for the past few hours, staring into the leaves of a plastic fern pot plant, letting his vision blur the leaves, trying to dissociate from this horrible reality.

When he looked up, he saw Naruto and Shikamaru galloping down the corridor towards him, both red face and wild haired.

"Sasuke, what…" They drew to a halt beside Sasuke and watched soundlessly as he reached into his pocket.

"Here," he said mildly, holding out an envelope towards Shikamaru, "the money for your lawyer, you need to pay it in, don't you?" he murmured and Shikamaru looked stunned.

"What? That's not…"

"Where's Itachi?" Naruto asked quickly as Sasuke looked away from them, back to the plastic fern; it wasn't the right shade of green to look real, over-bright, like some sixties psychedelia.

"The morgue, I'd guess," Sasuke told them quietly and heard them both inhale loudly.

"He's…"

"Dead, yeah; he was dead when they brought him here, I guess it's protocol. They didn't even try to resuscitate him, just put him straight in a zip bag," Sasuke explained tonelessly.

There was a long pause and Sasuke turned to look at them, they were both sharing covertly anxious looks.

"How, how did it happen?" Naruto queried, taking a seat beside Sasuke.

"We were fighting, it got nasty and he ended up in the road, then he got hit. It's my fault, I chased him," Sasuke explained in the same emotionless intone.

"Sas…"

"I've got a call to make," Sasuke got to his feet in a quick, jerky movement, "I have to call my parents, tell them what's happened." Sasuke already had his phone out and was striding away down the corridor.

What was wrong with him? He hadn't cried, he hadn't felt the desire to cry. He just felt like he was full of white noise, like he was the embodiment of the dull electric hissing. He didn't feel anything…

* * *

"Thank you for coming," Sasuke tried to look as sincere as he could, stood next to his mother and father on the step leading out of the crematorium; a funeral programme held to his chest as his mother's tears soaked his suit jacket through.

He guessed, his mother and father really hadn't wanted Itachi dead; their distraught howls and genuine pain were proof enough that they had loved their son after all, no matter his faults. Part of Sasuke envied their ability to grieve.

He watched all of Itachi's friends coming and going, looking sombre as they did so, all wearing their best tracksuits. His friends were a certain breed of person who had particular tastes. At least he had friends, Sasuke thought, as a jittery man in a baseball cap and sunglasses nodded and offered his hoarse condolences.

His parents had spent so much money on this funeral, Sasuke observed, gazing around at the suited caterers and delicate canopies. If only they'd spent this much money a decade ago on sending Itachi to rehab, then they wouldn't even be here; maybe they'd all still be living in Arundel as one big family. That wasn't how things had turned out though, and here Sasuke was, at his twenty-eight-year-old brother's funeral, watching people he didn't even know sob into dirty tissues.

"Sasuke?" A woman approached him in his vantage, pressed against one of the bay windows, trying his best to appear invisible.

"Hmm?" He turned to the woman; she was gaunt, with long unctuous hair, like it hadn't been washed in a very long time.

"Sasuke Uchiha, Itachi's brother?" She pressed, and Sasuke studied her face, he recognised her, but couldn't place where from.

"Izumi," she pressed a hand to her chest. Of course, Itachi's old flame.

"Oh," was all Sasuke said, with an awkward little nod.

"I'm sorry for your loss," she said, although Sasuke wasn't sure she meant it.

"Yeah, everyone seems to be," Sasuke glanced around the room and then back to Izumi.

"I was wondering if I could introduce you to somebody?" She queried and Sasuke blinked. How did he tell her no? "I just…I think you'll want to meet him…" Izumi said quickly and Sasuke raised an eyebrow disinterestedly. "Shisui?" She called softly and Sasuke frowned. Shisui was the name of the boy who'd died in the car crash with Itachi years ago whilst drink driving; he'd been Itachi's best friend.

The person who appeared before Sasuke though, summoned by the same, wasn't a grown man, but a child. The boy had to be between ten and eleven and scrutinized Sasuke with a vacant gaze, far too old for his years. He had a shock of hair the colour of black hollyhock and almond shaped eyes to match. The child looked rather dirty and underfed, a distinct air of neglect clinging to him.

"This is Itachi's son, Shisui," Izumi explained, placing a hand on Shisui's skinny shoulder. "He never met Itachi, but I thought you might like to meet him." Shisui glanced between his mother and Sasuke.

Sasuke stared at Shisui, stunned; he had always known that there was one of Itachi's spawn floating around in the world. He didn't know why it was such a shock that he should show up like this. It was a shock though, a bit, fat, mirror-image of his recently deceased brother, shock.

"Right," Sasuke nodded, "thanks," and then he pushed away from the wall he was leaning against; turning his back on Izumi and his nephew.

* * *

"Hey Sasuke, I just thought I'd drop it, see how you're doing after the…" Naruto was cut short when he nearly fell over Sasuke, who was sat pulling his trainers on behind the front door. "Fuck! Sasuke, I nearly broke my sodding neck!" Sasuke didn't reply, he only continued to tug on his shoelaces: he just couldn't seem to get them tight enough. "What're you doing?" Naruto quizzed, gawping at him.

"Going for a run," Sasuke told him flatly.

"What, it's nine 'o' clock at night?" Naruto spluttered, looking incredulous, but Sasuke ignored him. "Sasuke, you can't go."

"Watch me," Sasuke muttered, getting to his feet.

"Sasuke, this isn't good for you, remember?" Naruto stood blocking his path to the door.

"What's not good for me is fuckers like you digging about in my life, telling me what to do." Sasuke snarled, making to step around Naruto.

"Sasuke, you've just lost your brother."

"I haven't lost him Naruto, he's not a set of keys that I've dropped down the back of the sofa. He's dead. Stone cold dead. I chased him out into a road and now he's gone." Sasuke barked, startling Naruto. "And no amount of your fucking about in my life is going to change that."

Sasuke knew only too well that Itachi was dead; he had a whole room to remind him. His bedroom was like a shrine to his deceased brother. He hadn't been in there to clean it since Itachi's passing, he couldn't imagine it smelt sweet and tear inspiring. He thought it must smell like disease and sweat, because that's all that Itachi had been at the end. That wasn't how it had always been though, there had been times in Sasuke's life when Itachi had been a good brother, a great brother even…

 _No._ Sasuke grit his teeth. No, he wouldn't let his mind stray and dwell on memories of his brother. He was going to remain master of his own emotions, just like he was master of his own body.

"Get out of my way." He shoved Naruto aside.

 _Sasuke had every element of himself on a tight leash, carefully chained…No matter how much it hurt, he was always going to keep control…_

* * *

 _Hope you enjoyed! Please review x_


	13. Chapter 13: Stay

Hello my hunnies!

Chapter 13 up and running!

thank you for my reviews; I had some VERY impassioned ones haha, and some very supportive ones, so thank you very much you lovely lovely people! Thank you for the faves and follows also!

I hope you enjoy stars!

* * *

Chapter 13.

Stay.

We've all felt despair at one point in our lives; like we're tiny birds suffocating inside an iron aviary, devoid of escape. In life, there is always a way out, an alterior route to pastures bright. Sometimes though, such is our state of depravity brought on by mental-abuse, that we just can't see that light, and we end up floundering in the darkness of despair.

Sasuke stood in the bedroom which until a week ago, his brother had occupied, an empty binbag fluttering uselessly in his limp hand. He gazed around at the bedroom's deplorable state; his guess had been right, a thick layer of disease peppered every item in the room. The once cream bedsheets were marked with tides of stains the colour of brick-dust, where gallons of sickly sweat had soaked through the cotton. There were splintered gouges rabbeted into the wooden headboard of his bed, where Itachi had clawed at its surface like a deranged beast in the throes of his worst withdrawals. Tissues spilled from the bin beside the side table, all discoloured with various shades of unhealthy looking mucus. Itachi really could've been the poster boy for an anti-drugs campaign, Sasuke thought ruminatively, as he set about cleaning the room.

He didn't save anything, he just crammed everything into binbags, even the bed sheets; there was no getting Itachi's sickly smell out of them. Sasuke disposed of a plethora of empty methadone cups, which had turned sticky with residue, and held them at arm's length. It wasn't until he banged open one of his draws that he actually paused.

Resting atop a heap of Sasuke's junk, lay a formal looking document. Sasuke slipped it out and held it in front of him, scanning it quickly. Itachi's prescription for methadone. He read through the details closely, his eyes lingering on the information Itachi had given. All the air in Sasuke's lungs left when he saw that Itachi had given him, Sasuke, as his emergency contact. Not their mother or father. Him, it was him that Itachi had trusted with his life most of all.

Sasuke's fingers had turned white up to the knuckles he was clenching them so tightly on the paper. He had trusted Sasuke with his life, and yet it had been Sasuke who had chased him out into the road, the road where he'd died.

"Fucks sake, Itachi," Sasuke whispered in a broken voice.

Sasuke hadn't cried since his brother had passed away. He hadn't cried when he'd seen his brother snapped and twisted at the head of the lorry. He hadn't cried in the hospital when they'd told him they'd be releasing Itachi's body. He hadn't cried at Itachi's funeral.

So how was it that this, this prescription for the replacement drug that had ruined Itachi's life, was the trigger that was going to make Sasuke crumble?

Maybe because it was proof that Itachi had wanted to change, after all. Proof that above everybody else, Sasuke had been the person Itachi trusted most in the world. This prescription for methadone was all the proof Sasuke had that they had ever been brothers.

* * *

Sasuke sat on his stripped bed, trawling through the information on his laptop. The azureous light emanating from the gel screen was the only light in the entire room, casting an eerie glow about the four walls. Sasuke shifted, twisting his toes into the naked upholstery of his mattress; he had become so undernourished and emaciated, that the tendons in his feet thrust up against the skin, giving them a strange birdlike look.

Sasuke pulled the tips of his brittle and flaky nails off with his teeth as he scrolled through the Facebook page he'd pulled up. He'd been at his frantic searching for hours; he was like a man possessed.

This. This was how he was going to outrun his own grief. He promised himself, as he took out his phone and took a note of the person's address. Izumi was his way out.

* * *

Sasuke didn't sleep, and the next day he boarded the first train from Oxford to Arundel at ten past five. Despite the early hour, the train was packed with business commuters on their way to work and so Sasuke was forced to stand at the end of the carriage the entire journey.

When he dismounted the train, he pulled his hood close around his face and bent his head. He hadn't lived in Arundel for years, and although he was sure he'd changed beyond recognition in the years he'd been living in Oxford; he didn't think he could face running into a member of his old crowd and having the 'catch-up.'

Arundel was such a historic city, it never changed, it had always been back breaking hills and sandstone paved streets. Sasuke struggled with the steep hills these days though, the excess strain on his wasted frame made his head spin; and there was something else, something new. A searing pain in his gut kept kicking in every now and then, making him wonder if he needed to bolt for a toilet to throw-up.

In a neighbourhood of overgrown grass verges, rotting picket fences, and cheap wooden prefab homes; Sasuke slowed his pace. Mould Viewpoint, this was the district address Izumi had given on her Facebook profile.

It wasn't Izumi that Sasuke was looking for, though.

He wandered through the housing development, taking in the graffiti tags sprayed up the side of homes, and the shards of neon plastic skimming the top of puddles from bust lighters.

Sasuke meandered through the desolate streets like a ghost for nearly half an hour, before he saw the kid. Stood outside one of one of the tiny, box like shacks, was a dark-haired child. The boy was kicking a football at the side of his house repeatedly, with such venom that the steel Acron supporting the timber walls groaned every time the ball made contact. Sasuke observed the boy from his vantage metres away; he looked too underfed, too small, his clothes were too ill-fitting and dirty.

"Ouch!" The boy yelped when the football ricocheted back and hit him square in the face with an ugly smacking sound. Sasuke straightened up and looked around, waiting for the boy's mother to come running and aid the situation, wasn't that what mothers did?

Nobody did though, and the kid was hunched over by some brambles, clutching his face. Sasuke stepped over the fence that bordered off the house with ease and stooped down beside the boy.

"Shisui?" He said softly and the boy jerked so violently with surprise, he nearly fell back into the nest of brambles. "Sorry," Sasuke apologised quickly.

Shisui gazed up at Sasuke, and although his lip with split, he wasn't crying. His stare was suspicious, as though he was trying to suss out Sasuke's motive for being there.

"You wanna see mum?" He asked slowly, trying to swipe blood from his top lip without wincing. "Because you'll have to wait, she's with her friends." Shisui scowled. "And men aren't supposed to start coming to the house until it gets dark – you'll get us in trouble." Shisui eyed Sasuke reproachfully and Sasuke blinked, taken aback.

"I'm not here for your mum, don't you remember me?" Sasuke asked curiously and Shisui frowned, squinting at Sasuke in a way that operated his whole, young face.

"Are you from the Council? You don't dress like it," Shisui's eyes lingered on Sasuke's hood and Sasuke grinned.

"No, we met last week," Sasuke knelt down, so that he was eye-level with a perplexed looking Shisui. "I'm your uncle, Sasuke," he told Shisui gently and smiled in a way that he hoped was friendly. Shisui blinked looking confused and then said.

"You're my dad's brother? My dad's dead now," Sasuke felt a stab that had nothing to do with his stomach ache.

"Yeah, he is," Sasuke nodded and Shisui glanced over his shoulder towards his house. "Do you know anything about Itachi?" Sasuke quizzed and Shisui shrugged.

"Mum doesn't talk much," he confessed, "not about dad anyway."

Sasuke frowned and trained his vision on the prefab just past Shisui.

"What's your mum doing in there, Shisui?" Sasuke asked and to his surprise, Shisui looked fidgety.

"Was dad like her?" He blurted out suddenly, and jerked his thumb towards the house.

"What?" Sasuke frowned and Shisui looked embarrassed.

"I…Was my dad like her, did he take stuff?" Sasuke sat back on his ankles, trying to process Shisui's words.

"Who're your mum's friend's, Shisui?" Sasuke quizzed and Shisui looked dark.

"They're not really friends, she just calls them that," Shisui grumbled, aiming a kick towards his football.

So, this was the world Itachi had condemned his only son to. Of course, Izumi would be just as much of a poppy huffing fuck-up as Sasuke's brother had been. The difference was, she'd deigned herself responsible enough to bring Shisui into the world and care for him. She'd bought Shisui not into a good clean world, but into hers and Itachi's warped underbelly.

"No, Shisui," Sasuke shook his head, smiling sadly, "you're dad wasn't anything like that, he was a good man, and he loved you very much." _Even though he never met you. Even though he probably didn't even know your name. He might've loved you if he knew you…_

"Then why didn't he ever come for me?" Shisui asked looking stricken, "if my dad loved me so much?"

"Err…" Sasuke met Shisui's wide eyes, as dark as the quills on a cormorant's back. One last lie, one last gift to Itachi's memory as penance for driving him out into the street. "Your dad was something called a cartographer, that means that he drew maps; and he drew maps of places all over the world, but that meant that he had to actually go all over the world." Sasuke explained softly and Shisui's eyes lit up.

"Like an explorer?"

"Yes," Sasuke nodded quickly, grinning enthusiastically; glad that Shisui was cooperating. "So, your dad didn't want to leave you, but he had to, because without him, you and me, wouldn't know where anything is." Sasuke explained, taking both of Shisui's hands in his, willing him to believe the lie. "Your daddy drew the whole world, just so you could see it," Sasuke murmured, swiping away a few tears that had begun to roll down Shisui's cheeks. "He loved you more than anybody else."

It was a beautiful lie. A poet's lie, brought straight from the rot of Itachi's grave, into the glittering gold of fallacy. Sasuke had turned a disease riddled heroin addict into a hero, just for this kid. One day, Shisui would find out the truth, and maybe he'd resent Sasuke for lying, he'd certainly loathe Itachi. For now though, ignorance was bliss…

* * *

"Sasuke!" Sasuke jolted upright.

He was half sunken in the granite-grey cushions of his sofa, a thin blanket half pulled over his waist and head. He was laying awkwardly on a hot water bottle, trying to alleviate the pain which had migrated from his stomach to his lower back.

"What?" Sasuke gasped pushing himself up to peer at the doorway into the living room.

Predictably, Naruto stood looking windswept and irritable. He was already shrugging his coat off like he was prepared from a long-haul visit.

"I've got a few bones to pick with you," he announced, drawing up next to the sofa and Sasuke frowned up at Naruto.

"When don't you?" He muttered.

"Number one," he held a finger up, "you look like shit," Sasuke rolled his eyes at this and flopped back down.

"Right, cheers."

"No, I'm not kidding, you look like a corpse re-animated!" Naruto's eyes flashed and Sasuke waved a hand dismissively.

"Next?"

"You've conveniently gone AWOL again, only for Kiba to spot you hopping off the South Line at the station this morning, where're you going?" Naruto eyed him, his gaze severe and Sasuke evaded his eyes, drawing the blanket closer around himself.

"None of your goddamn business, that's where," he muttered and Naruto made an irritable sound.

"Then why where you on the phone to Shikamaru, asking for the name of the family lawyer he's paying a small fortune for, huh? He's in court tomorrow you realise, trying to get his kid back. The kid you promised to look after, but is currently shacking up at Neji's surviving off tofu fritters." Naruto breathed out heavily through his nose and Sasuke finally snapped.

"Fine!" He barked, "Fine! I went to Arundel, back to where I used to live, and I found Itachi's old girlfriend – they've got a kid together, Shisui. She's not a fit mother, she's just like Itachi, a fucking waste of space…" Sasuke bit his lip. "Anyway, I was gonna see if I could get custody of the kid." He shrugged.

Naruto gaped at him in unveiled astonishment.

"You what?" He gasped sounding winded. "You want to take on a kid – your brother's kid?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Why not? Because you're a twenty-three-year-old, living in a flat, working all hours of the day for minimum wage, and spending most nights down the pub with us lot. That's why the hell not, Sasuke!" Naruto replied incredulously and Sasuke blanched.

"Well, I have to do something!" Sasuke snapped.

"Then call social services!"

"That's not good enough! I have to do something, me, me personally!"

"Why!? Why you!?"

"Because it's my fault he'll never meet Itachi!" Sasuke exploded, "It's my fault his dad's dead. I chased him out into that road!" Sasuke cried, his throat twisting and buckling beneath the shout and trailing off into a distant sob. "I owe him," Sasuke whispered tremulously. "I owe them both." He pressed a shaking hand to his eyes and bit his lip.

"Sasuke," Naruto tried to pull Sasuke's hand from his face, but Sasuke stayed immobile. "You're wrong," Naruto breathed, sounding devastated as he did so, brushing his fingers lightly against Sasuke's crown. "You're so wrong." He murmured and Sasuke peered at him. "Are you about to tell me I don't understand?" Naruto asked.

"No."

"Good." Naruto whispered, and when Sasuke finally dropped his hand from his face, Naruto began to trace his every feature; running his fingertips over Sasuke's tears until they evaporated into nothingness. "Don't ever blame yourself," Naruto spoke in a lullaby tone, still gliding his hands over Sasuke's skin what felt like hours later. "Because I'll just blame myself for not being able to help you. It's a vicious circle." Naruto flashed his teeth in a small grin and Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"So self-centred," Sasuke reached up and patted Naruto's cheek. Naruto leant into Sasuke's touch and Sasuke felt his cheeks burn, they were already raw from crying, the blush didn't help. "Stay here?" Sasuke asked in a rush and Naruto looked surprised.

"Sure," he said lazily.

"No, I mean stay right here, with me," he met Naruto's eyes, trying to convey his meaning.

Naruto looked between each of Sasuke's eyes, his own stare searching as he picked apart the nuances stirring behind the lenses of Sasuke's gaze.

"Okay."

* * *

 _Hope you enjoyed hunnies, please review x_


	14. Chapter 14: Principles of Us

Hellooo sweeties!

Chapter 14...Oooh Magical!

So, last chapter was cliffhangery and feels...Hope you enjoyed it!

Thank you for the reviews, faves, and follows, you lovelies!

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 14.

Principles of Us.

A two-seater sofa is barely meant for one person to sleep on, two people slumbering on the sofa therefore nearly defied the principles of proportion set out by the sofa's manual for assemblage. Waking up next to somebody was supposed to be a slow, and sleek process, or that was how Sasuke had always imagined it.

Whenever he had woken up next to a woman, it had been in a bed; their heads a gulf apart on their separate pillows. The physical distance was there to give him space to reflect upon the previous night, to consider whether he would take this relationship any further. With Naruto though, there was no space. They were both jammed onto Sasuke's sofa; their bare limbs snaked around one another awkwardly in a struggle for more space. Naruto's elbow was jarring in Sasuke's spine, and Sasuke himself had Naruto's free arm twisted up in a sort of half-nelson.

When Sasuke woke up, he stayed motionless, staring fixedly at the dark sofa cushion Naruto had him as-good-as pinned against. He lay, feeling his own breath swell in the small cavern between cushion and flesh, and waited for his thoughts to catch up with him. It wasn't difficult for Sasuke to reimagine the previous night, especially when he had an incredibly space consuming visual aid pressed up against him. He could feel every inch of Naruto's unwrapped flesh sticking to his, their calves melding together with the sweat their closeness brought on.

He shuffled, wriggling beneath the blanket as covertly as he could, but when he shifted his eyes met Naruto's own awake pair.

"Hi," Naruto said in a hoarse voice, and Sasuke could almost taste the awkwardness forming like a storm cloud between them.

"Hi," Sasuke echoed, averting his gaze to the blinking lights on the wifi receiver.

"Um," Naruto struggled for a moment, "court case today."

He turned his head and Sasuke got a whiff of his smell lifting from his blonde tresses; but it wasn't just his smell, it was mingled with the fabric softener used on Sasuke's cushion covers, and most embarrassingly, the cologne sprayed at Sasuke's pulse points, which must've rubbed off when Sasuke had tangled his fingers in Naruto's hair.

"Oh, shit, yeah," Sasuke dragged himself upright, scrubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"We'd better…" Naruto jerked his chin upwards, indicating that they'd better get up.

"Yeah," Sasuke agreed, they needed to be out of Oxford in time to meet Sakura's hearing at twelve. "I'm…I'm going to go in the shower…So you just help yourself to whatever…" Sasuke didn't know why he was tripping over his words. For five years Naruto had been letting himself into Sasuke's home and 'helping himself,' that was how they'd always been. Things suddenly felt different though; more electric and uncharted.

* * *

In the shower, Sasuke multi-tasked. He brushed his teeth, washed his hair, and leant out of the shower to trawl through his phone in search of better jobs. Naruto was right, if Sasuke wanted to vie for custody of Shisui, he couldn't continue working for minimum wage at the tattoo studio.

Just as he was reading the job description for a receptionist at a vet's surgery, ten minutes outside of Oxford; his stomach gave an agonising twist.

"AH!" He cried, the pain was so severe, he released his toothbrush and choked, doubling over, and scrabbling to clutch at himself. He screwed his eyes tight shut and exhaled with difficulty through his nose. A nasty, tangy, ferrous taste had crept into his mouth. Squinting, Sasuke brought a hand up to his lips and spat into his palm; sanguine tendrils dribbled into the bowl he'd made with his hand, leaving pinkish scum in the grooves of his palm. _Blood_. He was spitting blood.

"Sasuke?" A hammering on the door made him jump. "You alright, man? I heard you shout; you haven't fallen down the plughole or something have you? Or if there's a spider, you're on your own sorry." Naruto called from the other side of the bathroom door.

Sasuke stayed silent for a moment, still half-stooped, as he watched the shower water flush away his bloody spit.

"Yeah, fine."

* * *

They had to pick up Kiba on the way to Sakura's hearing and roll him into the back of Naruto's Peugeot. Sakura was being tried at a High Justice Court outside of Oxford, in an entirely different part of England. This meant that even though they left at nine 'o' clock, they still only just made it in time for the hearing.

Neji, Ino, and Sai, weren't present for Sakura's trial. They were instead the moral support for Temari and Shikamaru, who were also in court that day in the fight to regain custody of Shikadai. They hadn't been summoned to a huge court like Sakura however, and were instead only attending the small family court in Oxford.

"You all prepared, mate?" Kiba was bracing Naruto, who looked grey in the face as he fumbled with his tie clip.

"You just have to be honest," Sasuke reminded him in a tight voice; his stomach was causing him new, heightened levels of pain and he was desperate for the court doors to open just so he could sit down. "Just tell them exactly what kind of person she is – good and bad," Sasuke told him breathlessly, propping his shoulders against one of the marble columns in the courthouse atrium.

"You alright?" Naruto eyed him anxiously and Sasuke nodded rigidly.

"Car sick," he lied through gritted teeth.

"Wimp," Kiba chuckled good-naturedly, but Naruto still looked concerned.

"Don't worry about me, are you ready?" He met Naruto's eyes, bright and turning over like the restless churning of a lake-burst. "Kiba, grab me some water?" Sasuke glanced imploringly towards Kiba who's face folded in on itself.

"Jesus Sasuke, I'll have to walk for miles to get back to that water fountain…"

"Please?" Sasuke pled and with an exasperated wave of the hand, Kiba turned on his heel and stalked off. When he was far enough away, Sasuke pushed away from the wall and fumbled for a hold on Naruto's wrist. He heard the silver of their cufflinks butting heads like tousling rams, sending a musical tinkling all through the hushed atrium. "You'll be fine." It was a promise, a statement, an absolute; not a question or a reassurance.

"Sasuke…"

"And when this is all done," Sasuke continued quickly, not giving himself a chance to back out, "we'll talk." He held Naruto's kingfisher eyes, "you and me, we'll talk."

Naruto paused, before inclining his head towards Sasuke's. There was no sudden, rushing mania behind the kiss. No grasping and frantic twisting. It was a slow and steady hold, something overwhelmingly loving, as though to say: _this is what it could be like, every day, if you let it._

Sasuke kept his eyes closed for a few more beats, letting his lips rest, parted against Naruto's; tasting the sugar he'd taken from Sasuke's kitchen that morning. This was what he wanted more than anything, what he yearned for, _but could he have it?_

* * *

Sasuke and Kiba were forced to separate from Naruto when court came into session, and they began to file into the gallery. As a character witness, Naruto was shepherded off to a separate room looking heart-achingly wide eyed and lost.

Sasuke took his dark evergreen seat beside Kiba, they were set up to look down on the gallery floor like a coliseum would look down at its gladiators. Sasuke and Kiba waved enthusiastically when they saw Sakura, she didn't wave back however, she looked terrible. Even dressed in undoubtedly the smartest threads she owned, she looked tiny and dishevelled; lost amongst the lawyers in powdered wigs.

Then a man was lead to a second defendant's post, this man was led by guards, he evidently hadn't been granted bail like Sakura had been. He had a shock of red hair, dragon red, danger red, and narrow suspicious eyes set in a deceptively childish face. So this was Sasori.

"Everybody rise for the honourable Judge Hashirama Senju," a woman called from below and Sasuke rose. As he did so his stomach gave a kick and he hissed, seizing Kiba's arm for support.

"Don't ask," Sasuke half snarled, half whispered when Kiba threw him an alarmed look.

When the judge took his seat at the central podium, court began. Sasuke listened, and winced with Kiba as they dragged Sakura's name through the mud. They called her all sorts, a manipulator, an aggressor, a woman of able mind and that mind's goal being money…

"This is painful to listen to," Kiba whispered in Sasuke's ear and he nodded fervently.

"This Sasori dude's actual scum," Sasuke shook his head, unable to believe that there were really people like Sasori in the world; who could use and abuse in the way that he had.

Sasori's character witness Nagato was painfully convincing; dripping on about how kind and fragile Sasori was, and how Sakura Haruno had manipulated that kindness and fragility.

By the time it was Naruto's turn to speak, Sasuke could barely pay attention. He had his knees up on the upholstery of the chair in front of him to try and manage the pain in his abdomen. He could feel sweat coming off him in sheets, and his knees were quaking like a new-born foal.

Kiba nudged him and he turned his head, the whole gallery whirling and spinning as he did so. Kiba was holding his phone out for Sasuke to read. A text was pulled up on the screen, it was from Shikamaru and read:

 _Won the case. Shikadai's coming home. Pub tonight. How's Sakura's trial going?_

Sasuke breathed a shaky sigh of relief and smiled. So Temari and Shikamaru had won the custody of their son back.

"Thank you, Mr. Uzamaki, no further questions." Sasuke whipped around, they had missed Naruto's entire questioning and evidence giving. Had it been good enough to alleviate Sakura's sentence?

* * *

Sasuke took every step down to the atrium like it was a small mountain, which to him, it might as well have been. The world kept tripping in and out of focus, so he couldn't really tell where anything stopped or started. Court had been adjourned until the jury came back with their verdict. So, Sasuke had left Kiba to speak to Shikamaru whilst he hunted Naruto.

He didn't think he was going to get that far though as he clutched his pounding head in his hands and sunk to the floor, trying to catch his breath, which was struggling in his chest. He felt the cold of the marble floor seeping through his clothes and began to sway, he was either going to vomit, or pass out, or both…

"Sasuke!"

 _Both..._

* * *

Ooooh cliffhanger again...Please review! x


	15. Chapter 15: Downfall

Hellloooo!

Chapter 15 guys, YASSSS!

Thank you for all your lovely feedback! HEARTS AND STARS!

Hope you enjoy x

* * *

Chapter 15.

Downfall

Life and death…

Life: To exist is undeniably the greatest quality ownable. To be animate and physical in a reality is an execution of wonderment that we overlook every day. We are corporeal and relevant in this world. We all have it in us to influence the state of this star for the better. We are all singularly extraordinary…

Death: However, our own self-doubt and gnawing insecurities stand in the way of life. We're all too often willing to let our own self-hatred, the resent for our own form, overshadow the true brilliance of our somatic being. We allow ourselves to degrade and deplete, wetting our own fire. We obsess, and fumble, and fear, until eventually we are crushed, and we are death…

Sasuke didn't know if he was conscious or not. He could taste a horrible blend of wax and copper chewing away at the back of his throat. He was also acutely aware of the intense pain wracking his gut and the base of his spine, making his muscles spasm in a fight to control the pain.

The atrium of the courthouse swam into unstill clarity, and Sasuke found himself gazing upon the atrium's arched ceiling set with so many skylights. He could see right out into the sky above; a few gulls were skirmishing above, their white feathers turned rosy by the light of the fading sun. They had been in court for six hours; no wonder dusk was dropping.

Sasuke twisted onto his side with a fresh wave of agony, and discovered that his chin felt wet and sticky. When He squinted, he saw vomit running down the court steps like a waterfall, ribbons of blood coasting over its surface. Sasuke groaned and whimpered, bringing a shaking hand up to try and shield his eyes.

"Sasuke?" He felt a cold hand against his scorching skin and chanced a glance up.

Naruto was leaning close to him, despite the splash-zone vomit hazard. His eyes were prickling with untamed terror as he considered Sasuke.

Sasuke, whom had begun to whimper and pant, turned his face to the side and screwed his eyes tight shut.

It was all over. He'd lost the game. In the contest of him out-dancing control, he'd finally lost…

* * *

When Sasuke re-opened his eyes, it was to a completely different world. Gone was the grandeur of the High Justice Court. Instead, he met with the pellucid glow reflecting off sterile whiteness: white wash walls, white ceiling tiles, and white cot frames. The underlying huff of cheap kitchen food marred the stink of chemical disinfectant. Only one place stank quite like that: Sasuke was in a hospital.

He stirred feebly beneath a heavy blanket, hearing the crisp pillow cases crackle beneath his head. _He needed to protest, he needed to escape this place, he couldn't be here._

"Sasuke, stop." Sasuke recognised Kiba's voice, but it sounded utterly changed from its usual jesting, wry self. He sounded sharp and purposeful, and when Sasuke glanced at him in the shadowy hospital nightlight, he saw that he looked sober and grave.

"What's…" Sasuke's stopped speaking, wincing at the sound of his own voice. It sounded like he'd been throttled for a solid hour, his speech came out so gravelly and uneven. Sasuke noticed that Kiba was alone at his bedside and bit his lip; where had Naruto gone?

"You're in hospital, mate," Kiba stated the obvious, watching him closely. "I think you've got some explaining to do." He fixed Sasuke with a pointed look and Sasuke shrank back, feeling cold and caught; like a fly wound in a spider's web.

His eyes travelled to the cannula taped into the back of his hand and he felt a flare of irrationality somewhere in his brain. He wanted to rip the thing out, twist it and yank it from between his knuckles; but he knew he couldn't do it with Kiba watching over him like a lioness guarding its cubs.

 _Why did his friends have to be so goddamn good at friendship?_

* * *

"You're awake then?" Naruto switched places with Kiba in the early hours of the morning.

He had a takeaway coffee clutched to his chest, the smell of the drink sloshing about inside the ridged cardboard cup, made Sasuke feel queasy all over again.

"Surprise," Sasuke muttered, tilting his head ever so slightly to glimpse Naruto's face; his expression gave nothing away.

"How're you feeling?" Naruto quizzed, taking Kiba's post in the seat beside Sasuke's head.

"Just peachy. I mean who wouldn't love being stripped and stuffed into one of these incredibly un-flattering hospital gowns? I'm obviously quite partial to the harmonic sound of dinosauric snoring as well," Sasuke said acerbically, throwing the slumbering eighty-year-old in the bed next to him – who had his mouth wide open, and was snoring like a small rhinoceros – a filthy look.

"Mmm," was all Naruto replied and Sasuke glanced back at him.

"Where'd you go then?" Sasuke quizzed, beginning to fiddle absent-mindedly with the cannula in his hand.

"Stop that!" Naruto said so sharply that Sasuke jumped, his mouth falling open.

Naruto avoided Sasuke's gaze, curling both hands around his coffee cup.

"I was calling your parents, telling them what's happened," he explained and Sasuke looked away, straight down the bed at the lump where his feet were beneath the blanket. His parents were going to be spending a fortune on tickets back and forth from Greece; first Itachi's funeral, now him. "They can be here by tomorrow they think." Naruto explained in a low voice and Sasuke nodded.

"Thanks for doing that." Naruto nodded stiffly.

"So, wanna hear the verdict, your diagnosis?" He asked through gritted teeth and Sasuke eyed him.

"You're going to tell me anyway," Sasuke muttered bitterly and Naruto studied him with that unreadable look.

"Acute kidney failure," he told him and Sasuke lurched, feeling like somebody had doused him in icy water. "Shocked?" Naruto cocked his head and Sasuke shot a sidelong glance at him. "They seem to think you were so dehydrated from lack of nutrition that you developed a UTI, which went untreated, and given what they're saying is your undernourished state – your immune system just packed up and your kidneys started to fail. Yeah, it's lucky they caught it in time." Naruto took a slug of his coffee and Sasuke could see the cardboard buckling beneath his overtight grasp, and the tremble in his wrist. "As for the blood in your puke; the doctors think you've ruptured your esophagus…And why would that be?" Sasuke swallowed when Naruto met his eyes, his own vivid blue pair flashing.

"I don't…" Sasuke began hoarsely.

"Ruptured esophagus, and four back teeth that need pulling because they're so rotten and eroded." Naruto paused, staring at the rim of his cup. "I can tell you why," he said quietly, "because you've been making yourself throw-up for months, purging is what they called it, but throwing-up, that's what it is." Naruto looked to Sasuke, his tan face devoid of colour, his lovely eyes glittering in a way that made Sasuke ache physically.

"I'm sorry." Was all Sasuke said in a whisper.

"Why?" Naruto gasped, "why lie?"

"I didn't mean to," Sasuke said quickly, trying to push himself up, but falling back down, and Naruto looked away from him. "I just couldn't stop." Sasuke tried to explain, a note of desperation in his voice.

He was sure he'd heard Itachi use a similar line back in the day, when they were teenagers and Sasuke was raging at him about his drug habit, hadn't Itachi told him that he just couldn't stop? Weren't they as bad as each other after all – Sasuke and Itachi? Itachi hooked on heroin, and Sasuke addicted to his own brand of self-destruction. He'd always thought it was the control he loved and thrived off, he was wrong, it was the downfall.

"You couldn't stop? I would've helped you stop!" Naruto gasped looking stricken and Sasuke shook his head quickly.

"I wouldn't have asked you to do that," Sasuke told him flatly and Naruto made a furious sound, running a hand through his golden hair, which was dull in the darkness of the hospital.

"You're such a fucking idiot," Naruto muttered to his knees and Sasuke flushed.

"I suppose I deserve that." He grunted and Naruto looked up at him as though he were incredibly stupid.

"No, not because of this – well yes, because of this, but not just this," he barked and Sasuke watched Naruto's face, as a very real internal struggle raged across it. "It isn't a question of asking me to help you because I might not want to, because it might be too difficult." Naruto gazed at him. "Yeah Sasuke, right now I am so out of my depth I am just beyond drowning." Naruto blinked as though trying to regain his vision, "forget fucking Yosegi puzzle boxes Sasuke, you are the fucking Pandora's Box of Oxford. You're a fucking nightmare sometimes, you're so rude, you can sulk for the U.K, you're so secretive I sometimes wonder if Sasuke's your real name. But…" Naruto tilted his head and the ghost of a smile toyed with his lips. "I can't give you up. So, no matter how difficult shit is, I'm stuck on you." Naruto laughed thinly and brushed Sasuke's hair lightly. "I guess it's because I love you." He shrugged, and he said it so casually and impromptu, that Sasuke had to replay the conversation to be sure he'd heard him right.

"Come again?" He asked dumbly and Naruto looked a little unnerved.

"Not the right thing to say?" He asked slowly.

Sasuke thought for a moment, replaying every word he'd ever said to himself in the mirror, every vicious tear down he'd thrown at himself. Then he reran the simple sentences Naruto had slipped him. Sweet and earnest. Why would he choose his own bile over Naruto's devoted verse? Why choose Itachi's route, when he could choose his own path?

"Yeah," Sasuke said in a thoughtful tone, and turned to look Naruto fully in the face. "I think it was exactly the right thing to say."

* * *

There was only one word to describe how Sasuke felt all the next day: _Invaded_.

He hated how the nurses came and went, topping up his I.V drips: saline and nutrients. He hated how he knew that the fluid seeping into his veins was swelling and melding with his tissue to bloat him. _Calories, calories, calories._ He hated the wheeze and huff of the machines operating all around him, attached to his fellow patients occupying the ward. He hated when the kitchen porters brought around meals for patients and politely avoided him; but failed to remember how their food trolley filled the entire ward with the rancid stench of fat and gristle. He hated how he could no longer control his gag reflex and kept heaving and retching. He hated the doctors for threatening him; if he didn't start cooperating and swallowing solids soon, they were going to put him on a feeding tube – Sasuke was going to call their bluff.

Most of all, he hated how at three 'o' clock in the afternoon two anxious faced, dark hair people came up the ward. They had the gait of people who had no idea where they were; strangers to this town.

 _Sasuke's mother and father had finally arrived…_

* * *

Oooh! :O please review if you enjoyed! x


	16. Chapter 16: Beautiful

Helloooo Lovelies!

Oooh Chapter 16…And the penultimate chapter…So, one more to go after this! :O

Thank you for all the lovely reviews, and follows, and favourites, you're just so amazing, hearts, hugs and squishes to you all!

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 16

Beautiful.

Your body; an amazing living canvas you were born with. Every strike, cleft, perfection, and imperfection is the singular and important story of you. Just like real art though, our perception, and the perception of others is elementary and poorly understood. Although we should celebrate our individualities like displayable treasures, we shun and hide them.

 _Too fat, too skinny, too tall, too small, bad skin, bad hair, misshapen this and misshapen that_ … But what if we took out the element of comparison? What if we just stopped comparing ourselves to the rest of the world? By what standard then, aren't you the most beautiful human rooted on this fucking star?

Truthfully, there are no rules when it comes to fairness and allure; only those that you brand yourself with. So, stop torturing yourself, write your own rules by which every inch of your own skin is stunning. And realise for every cruel bastard who breaks your rules, there's one blindingly wonderful human that's waiting to worship them, and love you for the art that you are inside and out…

Sasuke struggled upright in his hospital cot, the cannula tugging unpleasantly in his wrist as he went. His parents stopped at the end of his bed and just stared. They just stared at him in unshielded horror. Sasuke wished they would look away, he wished they would look anywhere else; look at the woman delirious on morphine screeching verses of Danny Boy at the top of her lungs. They didn't though, they only saw him.

"How did this happen?" His mother choked, and then came the tears, and then regret began to sink into Sasuke, like he was some hacked up sponge in a bucket of dirty water just absorbing all of the filth.

Throughout all of the 'how's' and why's', Sasuke didn't open his mouth once, he just stared at his fidgeting fingers clutched in his lap. _Count_ , he told himself, _drown them out_.

 _One._

"How could you do this Sasuke?"

 _Two._

"Why?"

 _Twenty eight._

"What made you do this?"

 _Fifty._

"It's okay now, you can come back to Greece with us."

It was this that roused Sasuke; like a reanimated mummy crawling out of its sarcophagus after a thousand-year sleep.

"What?" He frowned at his father.

"You can come back to Cyprus with us," he smiled bracingly, a smile that didn't come close to his eyes. "It'll be…"

"No," Sasuke was still frowning as he shook his head. "Do you think that'll fix this?"

His parents stared at him, tight lipped and shocked looking.

"Because it won't," Sasuke went on, "it never does." He gazed at them and it was all clear to him, why this had happened. "You know, you did the same with Itachi; shitty little quick fixes. Like, you'd lock him in his room for a few days as if he was grounded, even though he was obviously climbing the walls – an addict. It was just a quick and easy little fix for you, it's like using tape to fix a broken wall. Why didn't you just put him in rehab?

Do you know, I used to run away all the time when I was a kid because everything at home was about Itachi. Like, Itachi's taken this, Itachi's hurt this guy, Itachi's been arrested, Itachi's in hospital…I didn't want to vanish into my brother, so I took control, or at least I thought I did…" Sasuke shook his head and stared past his mother and father unseeingly. "And even then, you did nothing, you just used to bring me back and then leave me to it. Then you left and I really had to keep control of everything, because you left me with him. Do you know how hard it is to get up and go to college every day, to get your A-Levels, to hold down a social life, to keep a job, to keep your junkie brother alive and fed? I guess you don't, I do, and I did it all…But it just broke me and I got into this routine, this obsessive controlling routine." Sasuke bit his lip and then sighed, the most tired sigh he'd ever heard. "That's why I'm here; I just wanted control of one more thing. I never thought about it before, but I think you're to blame." He eyed his parents thoughtfully. "So, no, I won't be coming to Greece with you."

* * *

Sasuke watched the silvery fluid flush down the thin plastic tube; if he hadn't been told, he'd have never guessed it was food of any kind. He should never have tried to bluff the doctors. They'd put him on a feeding tube, which was threaded through his nose, down into his stomach, and had made him gag when they'd put it in. He was used to gagging by now though, it was sort of second nature.

Beside him, Sai was tapping a little drumbeat on his bedsheets, looking dreamy. Friends, Sasuke observed, what exactly was their place in his life? Shikadai was tucked beneath his arm, sharing his hospital cot as his father read cheerily to him. Temari had her feet up on the end of Sasuke's bed, whilst she rocked back in her chair, scrolling through her tablet with a pensive expression on her face.

These weren't friends. This was a family.

Sai's phone began to trill and he lunged for it looking panicky. They'd already received a warning for being the loudest bed on the entire ward.

"I'm at the hospital, what do you want, Kiba?" He hissed, glancing about at the other patients furtively. They all watched Sai as he listened intently to Kiba on the phone. He reached up and snapped his fingers towards the tiny hospital telly positioned at the foot of Sasuke's bed. "He says to put on BBC News," Sai urged and Temari scrambled to tune the television hurriedly.

They all watched as the picture flickered into clarity, Shikadai rolling over in the crook of Sasuke's arm to get a better look. The reporter on the screen was stood outside the High Justice Court, the same courthouse Sasuke, Kiba, and Naruto had sat in days before.

"This is Sakura's court case!" Shikamaru gasped and they all fell silent, glued to the screen.

Court had been adjourned for four days after the trial whilst the jury reached their verdict, and they'd all been waiting for news with baited breath.

"The trial of the man and woman who were caught producing illegal British passports came to an end today when the jury issued their final indictment after four days in panel since court was adjourned last Tuesday…" The female reporter continued in a crisp voice. Sasuke mentally urged her to get to the verdict. "…The presiding juror gave the decision of the jury today, presiding the woman, Sakura Haruno guilty only as an accessory to the man's crimes, leaving her to serve a maximum of twelve months in custody…" They all gave a great sigh of relief, even Temari's face shone at the news. It only got better when news came in that Sasori had been sentenced to the full ten years, despite his very 'convincing character witness.'

"I'm with one of the defendant's close friends now," the reporter stepped aside and Sasuke felt as every one of his friend's jaws dropped, including his. Neji stood on screen looking twitchy and very much like he wished the ground would swallow him whole. "How do you feel about the verdict?" The reporter turned to Neji.

"I, uh, yeah, I guess it's alright, isn't it?" He floundered, looking unnaturally stiff. "I mean, we could probably have better weather for it," he glanced up at the sky and gave an unnatural crackling laugh.

Sai actually spat out his mouthful of Pepsi, Temari snorted, and Shikamaru covered his mouth in horrified amusement. The reporter gave Neji, who looked deflated, a very odd look before turning back to the camera.

"Well," Temari got to her feet and stretched. "I'll nip to that shop across the road and grab some cakes to celebrate – Sasuke, you'll just have to suck on your drip feed extra hard." She smiled.

That was the thing about his friends. They didn't shy away from shit. Even though they were terrified, even though they were tired and sick with worry; they always, _always_ , found a way to laugh.

"Mummy," Shikadai had bolted up and started reaching out at the mention of cakes.

"You're such a shallow infant, Shikadai," Temari smirked, seizing Shikadai and slinging him over her hip.

Sai was already on the phone to Neji quoting: "we could probably have better weather for it," in a deliberately stupid voice through tears of laughter, and Shikamaru had snatched up Temari's iPad. If Sasuke closed his eyes, he could almost pretend he was back in Oxford, not on the brink of death…

* * *

"You know what comes next, don't you?" It was just him and Naruto; everybody else had gone back to their hotels and B'n'B's, he must be costing them a fortune in rental rooms.

Naruto was laying alongside him in Sasuke's bed, running his hands gently, _very gently_ through Sasuke's hair. He had to be careful, he had to treat Sasuke's hair like it belonged to a doll, because it was at risk of shedding.

"No?" Sasuke half-lied.

Naruto met his eyes in the dark; they were so pretty, like anchors keeping Sasuke fixed in the moment. If it hadn't been for Naruto and his lovely eyes – Sasuke's fast mind would've run off with him.

"You go into rehabilitation." Naruto said softly.

Sasuke groaned and rolled onto his back, his feeding tube tangling around his neck.

"I don't want…"

"You might not want to; but you need to." Sasuke didn't speak for a moment.

"What do I look like to you?" He finally asked quietly and he felt Naruto jolt slightly, surprised by the question.

"You look…Like a very beautiful person, who's very sick," he said gently and Sasuke glanced up, his eyebrows pulling together.

"I don't feel that way; I just feel sick."

"You don't need to feel it or see it, not yet. Not as long as I'm here. I'll keep telling you it every day, every hour, every second, until one day you just turn around and you're like, well damn, I'm fucking amazing." Naruto grinned and Sasuke smiled with a little chuckle, rolling to face Naruto.

"Oh, really?"

"I'll start right now: You're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful…"

Sasuke laughed, the little explosion of breath colliding in the small space between their faces. Naruto smiled and leant forwards, pressing his mouth to Sasuke's. When he leant back mere centimetres he whispered.

"You are beautiful…"

* * *

Adorable…Please review x


	17. Chapter 17: Nato

Helloooo lovelies!

The final chapter finally! *sobs*

Sorry for the delay - I've been spontaneously away not just being lazy!

So, yass, last chapter, waaah, I hope you enjoy, it's the best resolve I could think of? And done in the best way? I guess pay attention to the dates written at the top of each divide as well otherwise it might get confusing haha!

Thank you soooo much for the love on this story! It's SOOOOO appreciated!

I hope you enjoy!

Much love!

* * *

Chapter 17.

Nato.

July 24th 2021.

Sasuke Uchiha shifted his ankles so that they dragged against the fibres of the afghan blanket draped over the armchair. He squirmed and shifted restively, like there were fleas hopping all over his skin.

 _Wham!_

Sasuke lurched aside, crying out as the television remote clipped his ear.

"Will you stop wiggling!?" Naruto barked, as Sasuke pushed himself upright.

"I'm not," he retorted petulantly, rubbing his throbbing ear.

"You're creating little sparks, all that friction from your arse squirming about," Naruto jabbed a finger at him and Sasuke dropped his hand from his ear, scowling.

He muttered something unintelligible and pretended to watch the film he'd been ignoring for the past hour. After ten minutes, his attention drifted to the kaleidoscopic ribbon of birthday cards lined up on the mantelpiece, beneath which an electric fire glowed with the illusion of swaying flames. _'Happy twenty-seventh birthday,'_ every single card said a variation of this motif.

Yesterday, Sasuke had turned twenty-seven. It had hit him then, as he'd sat amongst his crop of friends all swinging lagers and cake, how his life had taken such a sharp turn in the past four years.

Four big years. four big, big, BIG, years. Everything was wildly different; good and bad. Four years ago, Sasuke had been a minimum wage head case, living life like a round of snakes and ladders: up one day, and then straight down to the bottom the next.

That had been nothing though, nothing, to the following year…

* * *

May 4th 2018.

Alpha.

Bravo.

Charlie.

Delta.

Echo…

Sasuke worked his way through the Nato Alphabet; numbers just weren't enough anymore. He needed to swamp his overwhelmed brain with extended syllables and piece together the logic in their chronology. He needed to mislead his own unbalanced and agitated thoughts – if only long enough for the time it took to countdown all twenty-six phonetics.

Foxtrot,

Golf,

Hotel,

India,

Juliett…

Combinations. Combinations. Fantastic controlled combinations…

Victor,

Whiskey,

X-ray,

Yankee,

Zulu…

He opened his eyes and the illusion died. He was back. For those blissful moments spent combing through the Nato alphabet, he'd been somewhere else, in a realm of strict military control. The moment he hit the letter 'Z' though, and he opened his eyes, he was back – back in the Bristol Treatment Centre for Eating Disorders.

From the outside, the place just looked like an enormously stately home shrouded in forest. It was nothing like a home on the inside. At home, people didn't forbid door closure until your bare skin ceased to feel like your own. The staff did it because they didn't trust the residents, and Sasuke was a resident, they didn't trust him and the truth was, he didn't trust himself either.

At home, carers didn't march you in your underwear to stand on a set of scales first thing in the morning like a military drill. Sasuke had watched the centre's staff whizz the sliders along the bar in front of him attached to the platform scales, waiting for them to allow him to jump down. They always did so with words of warning.

When at home, you can choose your own menu, if you were Sasuke, you were delivered a plan of dense smoothies. If he was lucky enough for his wrecked gag reflex not to hurl the smoothie back up the second it went down, then he was likely to be unlucky enough for it to gush out of his nose. The centre care-workers probably thought he wasn't trying – but he was, he really was. Every time a drip of the gooey smoothie made its way into his gut, he could feel it curdling and yearned to get it out but every day he kept trying again.

There were times when Sasuke ceased to recognise himself. When he screamed and cried, fought and bit, threatened and begged. Those were the times he wasn't sure who he was looking at – who it was that he was living inside. Other times he lay utterly still in his bedroom, that wasn't really his bedroom, but had been made to look like a bedroom out of kindness.

He had nothing to do but reflect upon everything and anything, no methods of deflection. He'd lay in his bed for hours, twisting the ear on a cuddly rabbit Ino had brought him, so furiously the stitches had begun to unpick. _Why was he here?_ Well he knew why he was here, he reminded himself bitterly. His kidney's going boom, his back teeth falling out, and the permanent scarring to the back of his throat were all subtle hints that even he couldn't ignore. Not to mention the tests they were running on his bones.

Sasuke dropped the toy rabbit down beside the bed and rolled onto his side. He knotted his fingers into the Godzilla duvet set Naruto had brought him, and gazed out of the window. Those windows only opened a fraction of the way; to stop patients hurling themselves out to their death. But the glass was clear enough that Sasuke could see the moon and the stars, and he needn't smell the night air because he had the perfume of Naruto lingering on his bedspread.

"Why are you here?" He whispered to himself. He did that a lot these days, spoke to himself aloud. There was nobody else to talk to really. It was the first sign of madness, talking to yourself. Maybe he already was mad. Maybe that was why he was here. Sequestered in a remote corner of Bristol, whispering away to himself, whilst all of his friends and his boyfriend were so far away in Oxford.

 _No_. He thought. _That's not it._

He watched a few bats arguing outside his window for a while.

His mother and father, why had they always made it so impossibly difficult? Why had they tried to sink him into Itachi's life the way they had? Always roping him into the little fires Itachi set. Disregarding Sasuke's individual existence, until finally they'd actually given Sasuke to Itachi – they'd simply parted with Sasuke.

They hadn't been ready or able to cope with a second one. Sasuke realised. And he didn't feel sad or disappointed. He just felt like things were clicking into place, and with that came the sensation of pressure lifting, like a life-long splinter being pulled.

How could he miss, or hate people who had never really been there? His parents were sort of like battery-operated toys; you could switch them on and they would espouse their basic programming, but they would always remain empty and spiritless.

How could it matter though? Sasuke wondered, when he had built such a tight network of friends, who were more of a family than any true family he'd ever seen.

Yet he risked that family every day that he fought against the Centre…

* * *

It wasn't a sudden thing; Sasuke spent the next few months experiencing what it felt like to feel grossly inhuman, whilst feeling the rawest and most painful parts humanity has to offer. Eventually though, things began to feel more fluid – every day a little less like torture. It seemed it was easier to fall into routines set by others, of which he had no control over, and once he relinquished the control and saw that the world didn't stop spinning, all of the pain and fear began to ebb.

Then, they told him he was better, and to his surprise Sasuke had panicked. He didn't want to leave the centre, he didn't feel ready, he wasn't cured. What if the world swallowed him whole? What if everything went wrong again, only this time, there was no coming back from his mistakes...?

It was normal, the nurse on duty had told him; when she'd found him hyperventilating with his palms flat to the brick of the house, stood outside barefoot on the patio. If he wasn't so worried, she'd told him, they wouldn't be letting him go – never trust an over-perfect recovery. The world is scary, she went on, not just for recovering patients, but for the rest of us too. Sasuke waited for her to add something else, something reassuring, and when she didn't he was glad.

He wasn't a poor, brittle soul anymore, in danger of splintering. He didn't need constant patronising and smothering. Because, he wasn't just a 'recovering patient,' in fact, that wasn't who he was at all. He was him. Just another human, carrying around human baggage just like everybody else. There was nothing abnormal or ugly about him at all. He was just Sasuke.

Just Sasuke…

* * *

December 2nd 2018.

 _Click. Click. Click._

The sound of people eternally fixing the spokes on their bicycles, even in the heart of winter. It was the anthemic curse of moving twenty minutes away from town central. Initially, Sasuke and Naruto had conspired to move far away from Oxford; they had even been to multiple house viewings in Luton. One night however, Sasuke had reviewed this idea and realised he would be running away again, just like he had done from Arundel; and that kind of behaviour would be a step back.

So, they had moved instead to a Victorian terrace house a stone's throw from town central. The mortgage was eye-wateringly steep, even with both their incomes, and this meant that Sasuke had to find a new job. So Sasuke had started working for the council as a surveyor, which felt bizarre as more than once he'd been the surveyor for a site the company Naruto worked for were labouring on.

Sasuke liked working, he liked getting up at six in the morning and putting on a suit. He even liked the office smell of percolating coffee, rubber bands, and steamed carpets. It all made him feel relevant.

He loved his new house as well, he loved every red-brick that made up the small terrace house. He even loved the irritating humming that sometimes came from the trip switch, the bloodsucking utility bills, and the slightly dodgy landline. Because, they were all amalgams of his progress – they all stood to represent physically, how far he'd come since leaving the centre in Bristol.

Sasuke stood in front of the airing cupboard, the sound of next-door fixing his bike in the back garden carrying in through the open, upstairs hallway window. Sasuke's face was pulled into a grimace of deepest disgruntlement.

 _How was it, a twenty-four-year-old could live like this?_ He pondered waspishly, as he considered the balled-up bed sheets jammed into the airing cupboard, mixed in with a tundra of towels. Naruto was a menace when it came to respectful cohabiting. Sasuke had never met anybody who could emulate the lifestyle of a swamp monster quite so accurately.

Cursing under his breath, Sasuke curled his fingers around the edge of the cupboard and stretched up onto his tiptoes. He rocked forwards on the bottom of his feet, flexing his ankles as he struggled to reach the topmost linens. As he did so though, the bones in his shin groaned and gave a twinge, and with flinch, Sasuke lowered himself back down.

That was the thing. 'New World Sasuke,' wasn't some glittering visage of a Sasuke before the disorder got him. He hadn't retreated to the sparkly, perfect Sasuke of years ago. That wasn't the way it worked. He'd lost teeth, and scarred his knuckles and throat, but somehow that seemed microscopic in the face of the whole picture.

He'd destroyed his bones. Through depriving himself of vitamins and calcium he'd left himself with something called Osteoporosis. He was forever in and out of slings and braces, always bruised, sprained, and broken. Physically, he would always be that little bit extra-breakable.

They were all just scars though, at the end of the day, that was how Sasuke chose to think of the nastier side-effects of the disorder. Even when he looked at a plate of food and felt the walls closing in, felt the intense desire to relapse. They were just scars. Like when someone falls off their bike and cuts their knee, only to be left with a small white graze forever. Just the memory of a painful time. Nothing more.

"Sasuke?" Sasuke glanced down the staircase at the sound of his own name and the front door slamming. "You haven't gone out have you?" Naruto was shouting to no particular room.

"No, I'm up here," Sasuke called back witheringly, shouldering the cupboard door closed.

"Come down here, I've got something to talk to you about!" Sasuke rolled his eyes at this and sucked in a steadying breath. Naruto's talks were always mind-blowingly delirious, eternally springing crazed ideas upon Sasuke.

"Go on?" Sasuke prompted, joining Naruto in the living room.

He was still dressed in his uniform from the yard. His steel toe caps more concrete than actual boots, and a thin layer of sedimentary dust hanging like a dirty halo around his crown.

"When did you get home?" Naruto frowned, eyeing the council ID lanyard still hanging around his neck.

"Oh, about half an hour ago," Sasuke shrugged, reaching around to pull it off. "What's this talk then?"

"Well," Naruto grinned, "you know how you want to fight for custody of Shisui?" Naruto quizzed a waggish smile playing at his lips.

"Yeah?" Sasuke spoke warily, Shisui felt like he could turn into an 'eggshell topic,' if the wrong thing was said at the wrong time. Sasuke was, after all, asking Naruto to take on his dead smack head brother's illegitimate spawn.

"Well, before we take on an actual, you know, human child…" 'we' that was all Sasuke had heard, 'we.' "Why don't we…" Naruto gave a little drumroll, "get a dog?"

"Wait, what?" Sasuke spluttered and blinked at Naruto.

"Yeah, like a trial run," Naruto elaborated, "to see if we're capable." Naruto placed his hands on his hips and beamed.

"A dog?"

"A dog."

"In this house – with cream carpets?"

"In this house with cream carpets." Naruto nodded still grinning, as Sasuke ogled him; Naruto's talks always blew his mind.

But that, was how Matatabi, the Tibetan Mastiff had found her way into their home…

* * *

July 24th 2021.

Sasuke pulled his gaze from the rows of birthday cards, all stood so erect and perfect, like soldiers. Four big years, he thought, splaying his hand out in front of him to study the wedding ring there. It looked too pretty against his scarred and ruddy alien hands. Four years, one dead brother, one severed family, one stint in a rehab clinic…

One new addition to his surname, a new home, a new family, a new job, a new life…

A quickly stifled chirruping sound from the room above snapped him out of his thoughts. He narrowed his eyes and glanced at the clock over the television: midnight.

"You go," Naruto waved his hand with a weary, imploring little grin.

Sasuke swung his legs out of the armchair and began up the dark staircase, creeping soundlessly across the landing. He paused outside the door, behind which he knew the sound had come from. He observed the BMX and music stickers pasted to the front of the door, as he always did, with pursed lips, thinking about how long it'd taken him to gloss that door and the marks that sticker glue was leaving behind.

Grasping the door handle he thrust it open and stepped into the lightless bedroom.

"It's midnight!" He snapped in his most authoritative tone. "Why are you still…" He didn't get the rest of his words out however, when he stumbled over what appeared to be a towering pile of blankets. When the blankets stirred however, Sasuke realised it was simply massive Matatabi sprawling out and managing to cover half of the floor in doing so.

"Stylish," a voice drawled and Sasuke whipped around, catching the outline of his nephew's angular face in the dark. Sasuke righted himself and tried to smooth out his expression. "Matatabi," Shisui was patting his duvet trying to coax the hulking dog onto his sheets. Sasuke couldn't say that he wasn't glad that the dog had struck up an affection for his nephew; it meant that Sasuke didn't have to spend the night pinned to his mattress by fifty kilos of fur and drool. Matatabi also had a notoriously excitable tail which she liked to thump about in the night.

"Why are you still up?" Sasuke quizzed irritably, using his toe to shove a stack of Buffy comics under the bed.

"I don't drop off on command," Shisui snorted petulantly and Sasuke closed his eyes, willing something, _anything_ , to give him strength. Shisui had been a lot nicer before he was a teenager. It was like he hit thirteen and bam, he had evolved into a monster overnight. An acne ridden, foul-mouthed, sarcastic, nocturnal, monster, that lived off energy drinks and crisps.

"Well not if you're up arsing about," Sasuke pointed out and Shisui pulled a face that was meant to offend. "What is it?" Sasuke started to search the perimeters of his nephew's bed, ignoring Shisui's indignant and colourful shouts of protest. When Sasuke ran his hand beneath Shisui's pillow, his fingers met with cool glass and metal – the iPhone, _of course._

"Give that back!" Shisui snatched at the phone as Sasuke took it, but his legs were weighted down by Matatabi so he stayed trapped.

"Good, good wise and parental Matatabi," Sasuke praised the dog as she maintained her stance pinning Shisui down. "Who's Sumire?" Sasuke looked from the phone to Shisui, and by the device's light he saw a faint flush creep up the boy's neck. "Oh, I see," Sasuke grinned knowingly and Shisui threw his head back with a dramatic groan.

"Just get out now and I'll go to sleep until next Christmas if it'll shut you up!" He insisted exasperatedly. And then he mumbled something that sounded like "you're so embarrassing."

"And you can tell this Denki that no you will not be going to his _'free one'_ on Saturday, or bringing _'bare drinks,'_ or would you rather I text him back?" Sasuke offered with a taunting grin.

"Oh, why are you such an arse?" Shisui snapped, struggling up on his elbows.

"Tssk, and here I was, about to offer you the chance to bring Sumire to Sai and Ino's wedding, oh well, I guess you can play with all the _relatives._ " The relatives ranging between three and nine years old.

"You serious?" Shisui's eyebrows shot up. "I can bring a girl, for real?" Shisui's eyes were so wide they were in danger of falling out of his head.

"If she wants to Shisui, ask her first, don't get ahead of yourself. And in a separate room." Sasuke rolled his eyes as he pocketed Shisui's phone and began towards the door. "But for now, will you please go to sleep?" Sasuke grinned at him, watching as Shisui slumped back down in his bed, curling an arm around the steadily breathing form of Matatabi.

"Sure, thanks. Night, love you, dad."

There was a funny pause, and Sasuke was almost definite that Shisui was as motionless and rigid as a stick insect as he was at that moment. _Dad._

"Love you too."

As Sasuke descended the staircase, he was so disorientated he disturbed several of the picture frames hanging on the wall.

"You okay?" Naruto quizzed, his brow creasing with concern as he studied Sasuke's face. "You look a bit…Washed out." Naruto sat up on the sofa and leant towards Sasuke.

Sasuke lowered himself into his seat beside the fake fire, feeling like a tornado had just blown all through him and freed every bone in his body from its respective joint.

"You don't feel ill, do you?" This translated as; you're not about to drop off the food train, are you? You're not about to relapse?

"Shisui just called me dad," Sasuke told him, blinking like he was trying to clear his vision.

Naruto's face went blank for a moment and then he said, "oh."

"Oh?" Sasuke scrutinized him, 'oh,' as in, 'oh my God I can't believe he did that!' or 'oh shit, we'd better talk to him.'

"Well," Naruto repositioned himself on the sofa, stretching his legs out and shrugging. "Come on Sasuke, he never met Itachi. You did fight for him, and that's more than any other fucker ever did…Plus you've kind of been doing that parental-role gig for two and a half years now. Are you really surprised?" Naruto eyed him with a perplexed little frown.

Sasuke considered this for a moment.

"So, have you though," he pointed out.

"Yeah, which is why if he calls me dad – when – he calls me dad, I won't have a wobble." Naruto grinned slyly and Sasuke sucked his top lip. "We're the only dads he's ever known," Naruto pointed out calmly.

"And you're okay with that?" Sasuke asked abruptly and Naruto turned to frown at him.

"Huh?"

"With Itachi's kid calling you dad?" Sasuke leant his cheek against his shoulder and watched as Naruto's face folded into a look of abject confusion.

"Why wouldn't I be? I paid to take the kid to Disney World, didn't I?"

"I'm not kidding!" Sasuke snapped, being sure to keep his voice low.

"Neither am I!" Naruto hissed. "The amount of time I've taken off work to deal with his orthodontist appointments, and the teenage angst I've experienced, the school plays I've sat through; I mean Konoha Primary's take on the Nativity was no Oscar performance, Sasuke." Naruto jabbed a finger at him. "I've spent two and a half years of my life on that kid, and you have the nerve to ask me that?" Naruto pursed his lips at Sasuke.

"Yeah, you're right, sorry," Sasuke waved his hand and drew his feet up onto the chair.

He was right. Sasuke and Naruto had been the ones to deal with hundreds of Shisui's scraped knees. They'd been there on his first day of secondary school. They were the ones who washed his uniform and cooked his dinner. They bought his Christmas presents and dealt with parties of his screaming friends on his birthday. They had been the ones to celebrate his achievements and cuddle him in the middle of the night when he came screaming from a nightmare – the nightmares his mother had put there. They were the ones that loved him. Wasn't that what parents did? What had Itachi ever done for Shisui? The only, and final thing Itachi had ever done for his Shisui, was donate half the gene pool needed for his creation. People did that every day but that didn't make them parents. It was strange, Sasuke thought, that a thirteen-year-old had worked this out before he had…

"I forgot to say, on your birthday," Naruto turned to look at him and Sasuke blinked rapidly, smiling mildly.

"Hmmm?"

"I'm ridiculously proud of you, like every day, I'm proud." He told him and Sasuke averted his eyes, taken aback by the sudden seriousness playing on Naruto's face.

"I don't see why," Sasuke sighed, picking at a loose thread on the blanket he sat on, "it's not like I recovered scott-free, is it?" Sasuke mused, coiling the thread around the tip of his index finger. "I'm still physically shit and obviously there's…" he jerked his hand awkwardly between them. It had taken months post his release until he could face sex again.

"Sasuke, you progress every day, that's why I'm proud of you," Naruto's tone was sincere as he slid off the sofa and knelt before him. "The fact that you still get better every day after four years," Naruto brushed Sasuke's hair back from his eyes.

"Alternatively, you could look at it as I'm just taking for fucking ever to get better," Sasuke chuckled nervously and Naruto tutted, rolling his eyes.

"Don't be so cynical," he shook his head. "You know that's not true." And deep down, somewhere, Sasuke did.

"I'm proud of you too," Sasuke murmured, catching hold of Naruto's jaw. Naruto frowned and grinned confusedly. "I'm proud of you, proud of Shisui, I'm even kind of proud of the dog – I'm proud of all of us, to be honest. Our whole family." Sasuke smiled and Naruto looked surprised.

"You're beautiful," Naruto whispered, pushing himself up on the arms of the chair so he could kiss Sasuke's temple.

"So, you keep saying," Sasuke smiled as Naruto trailed devoted kisses along his jaw. His lips were warm on Sasuke's skin and his fingers found the hollow of Sasuke's collar bone.

"You'll believe it one day." Naruto spoke against his cheek and Sasuke turned so that they were nose tip to nose tip.

"Yeah, I think I might."

We have a choice. We can either follow our demons into the Neverland, take the shovel from their hand, and dig our own graves. Or, we can walk away. We can drop that shovel, climb out of the pit and by the light of those we love find our way back to the land of self. That journey we took with our demons will always be with us, but a memory is just a memory, just a ghost in the brain. We can choose to build our lives on love and small steps, self-appreciation and the possibility of a future.

 _So why, choose to follow the demons, when you could follow love?_

The end.

* * *

AHHH the end...Happy end! So I hope you guys enjoyed this story? Please review this my lovely sugars x


	18. Chapter 18: Epilogue

Hello!

OMG SHE LIVES! Right, I know...

I'm a uni student, in my 2nd year, so work gets on top of me and for a few months a year I turn into a zombie gremlin, scuttling about beneath coursework, soundlessly sobbing into notes and fusty old texts BOOHOO...

But, I thought I'd do this lil update, if it's of any relevance? You might be glad to hear I'm on break, so I'm thinking about posting a new story? Yay?

I hope all of you sugars are well 3

Much love

xxx

A side note, both of my long running stories deal with pretty horrendous conditions and if you're struggling do speak out...You can message me to ask about my own dalliances, I'm not a doctor but I might be able to point you in the right direction:) never let a fellow fan suffer in silence 3

* * *

 **Epilogue:**

 **Peaceful, Proud, and Beach Violets.**

" _Alice: 'How long is forever?' White Rabbit: 'Sometimes, just one second.'"_

 _\- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland_

Sasuke was roused by the sound of disquieted howling. It was the kind of disturbed screaming that didn't understand itself. _Confusion. Fear. Need_. These were all things that Sasuke knew well, and could therefore empathise with the wail, now growing in volume.

He didn't move for a moment. Instead he stayed scrunched on sheets that were not his. Gazing out at silky drapes, milky and lambent with the moonlight's filtration, not his either. A snake plant on the otherwise bare pine shelf, and a staghorn fern whose green fronds stirred languidly under the ceiling fan. He was amazed that he'd managed to sleep through the enduring whir of the overhead fan, but then, he supposed that had something to do with the person sprawled next to him…

* * *

 **Three Months Earlier: October 24th**

"Dad!" Both Naruto and Sasuke looked up, Sasuke from a bowl of sugared muesli, Naruto from a stack of buttery pikelets. "Have either of you seen my school tie?" Shisui skittered into the kitchen looking flustered.

"Where did you leave it?" Sasuke asked crisply, watching Naruto spoon his fourth sugar into his mug of tea.

"What?" Naruto blinked at Sasuke innocently and Sasuke shrugged.

"Nothing, I was just wondering if you'd like any stewed leaves with your sugar water?" Sasuke quirked a slender brow and took a pointed sip of his own black coffee.

"But if I don't eat all this sugar, then how will I stay so impossibly sweet?" Naruto grinned and Sasuke rolled his eyes, making a sick noise.

"Dad!" Shisui barked from beside the pantry cupboard, looking wide eyed and fretful.

"Oh, for goodness sake, it's in the conservatory, you left it in there last night," Sasuke snapped and Shisui made an exasperated noise.

"Well, if you knew where it was, why didn't you say so in the first place!?"

"I was hoping you'd take some responsibility," Sasuke called after Shisui's blazered back as he retreated into the conservatory.

Overhead the hanging bulbs cast halos of warm light over the corian breakfast bar. Outside the four pane windows, the December morning was a greyish lavender haze, mist clinging to the uneven street. Inside the kitchen was perfect, though, perfect.

"Shisui's not gonna know what's hit him, _walking to school_ ," Naruto chuckled, glancing out of the window.

"I did give him enough money for the bus at the start of the week, but he went over Mitsuki's and they ordered takeout."

Naruto choked on his pikelet and spluttered,

"How much bus money did you give him?"

Sasuke observed him wearily.

"A hopeful amount," then he stretched and swiped away a stripe of butter clinging to the stubble on Naruto's jaw. "Yuck," Sasuke pretended to be disgusted, but licked his thumb with a coy smirk nonetheless.

"So, the big day, you ready?" Naruto asked as Sasuke unfurled his newspaper.

He didn't know why he still subscribed to it, there was never anything good in there, and by that he meant _good_. It was all WAR, CUTS, CREDIT CRISIS, GOVERNMENT SHAME, UK IN DECLINE. Never anything good. A carefully conscripted pamphlet to remind people to fear their neighbours and people that dressed differently to them on The Tube. Sasuke's eyes rested on the main spread, a piece all about Britain's age of austerity.

"Uhuumm," Sasuke made a non-committal sound in response.

"Nervous?" Naruto pressed.

Sasuke whipped his paper up pointedly, putting a barrier between Naruto and himself.

"I'm fine," he spoke evenly, although he'd eaten three mouthfuls of cereal before pushing his bowl towards the sink.

"Sasuke," Naruto brought his hand down on the newspaper, tearing a coupon for cheaper chardonnay down the middle. "It's okay to be nervous."

Sasuke's eyes wandered to the coupon, shredded untidily down it's core. White paper fibres drifted sadly from the point of tear, and Sasuke felt a stab of sincerest empathy. He wasn't nervous, he knew that because nervous didn't even cut it. He felt like a person stuck on an iceberg, just a jump from the snowy shore. Every second that ticked by, his iceberg drifted further and further, carried by the waves of consequence and time, until he was just one small island stranded at sea.

"I…" What Sasuke wanted to say was: I'm not good enough for this. What he really said was: "I'm fine, really."

He could tell, looking into Naruto's periwinkle eyes, tight with concern, that his husband didn't believe him. Thankfully, they weren't a family of just two, and their demanding third counterpart burst into the kitchen to take the heat off Sasuke.

"Biology textbook!" He announced, clicking his fingers impatiently after receiving quizzical looks from both of his fathers. Sasuke watched in abject fascination, as Shisui wrenched boxes of cereal out of the cupboard, spilling Sugar Puffs everywhere.

He didn't like to point out to Shisui, the chances that his textbook had grown legs and climbed in to have a party overnight with the frosted flakes, was stupendously unlikely.

* * *

"Here," Naruto returned from the carpark, he'd been gone almost ten minutes, leaving Sasuke to twitch and twiddle his thumbs alone.

"Huh?" Sasuke stared mistily at the can of Coke in Naruto's extended hand like it was something alien.

"You didn't say anything in the car, and you didn't eat much, so I ran across the road and grabbed you a drink to keep your sugars up." Naruto pressed the can to Sasuke's cheek and a cold shock went through Sasuke.

"Oh," Sasuke responded flatly, "thanks," he took the can and fiddled idly with the ring pull for a moment.

The room was so quiet that every noise became a hyper-sound. The large window with beige blinds was open just a crack, and outside was a Dwarf Norway Spruce, the branches of which scraped on the glass. Even though it was still only November, the dumpy spruce had been decorated with a myriad of homemade decorations; plaster cast angels, paper snowflakes, and ribbon offerings. All rustled and clinked in the wind.

"You're scared," Naruto announced in a whisper, and Sasuke started, looking around to check they were alone. It was a bit late for doubts and pity parties now. "I get it."

"No, you don't," Sasuke hissed sharply, pulling the ring pull savagely and listening to the satisfying fizzle the Coke made into the swelling silence between them both.

"Believe me, I do," Naruto said in a fervent rush, and his sincerity made Sasuke glance up. "You're just sat there thinking 'there's no way I'm good enough for this, strong enough, brave enough," He licked his lips before going on, "but you need to trust me, because you've already proven that you are that good, that strong, and that brave…" Sasuke shook his head.

"I don't think I am," he breathed, barely audible and Naruto grasped his hand, blue eyes boring into black.

"Trust me, because I know, I know how brilliant you are, and how phenomenal we are," he squeezed Sasuke's hand, "don't you ever underestimate that, or us."

Sasuke felt the weight of Naruto's palm on his knuckles, like an anchor binding his wild mind to the world. He felt it and was unbearably glad for it.

"Uzumaki?" A soft young man in linen approached them and the pair looked up. "Hello, I'm your go-between agent, Kabuto Yakushi."

They followed Kabuto through the building and what struck Sasuke was, even though there were paintings on the walls, objects discarded on the floor and open blinds, there was no mistaking that this was a facility. He was reminded, horribly, of his time spent recovering in the institute in Bristol.

That wasn't why he was here though. He told himself firmly. The eating disorder, though still a part of him, was a vicious part of his past and this, what he was doing with Naruto, was a step towards his all too glorious future. It was hard to differentiate though, when the past lived inside you.

"Here we go," Kabuto rounded on a door with the name tag 'Shin,' in sterile lettering tacked to its pine surface. "Are you ready?" He asked, face shining with excitement, like he was about to unveil a real treat for them both.

Sasuke and Naruto exchanged a wordless look, before turning back and nodding. Kabuto flipped the catch on the door and pushed it open.

The tiny box room was so quiet, Sasuke wondered if they'd got the wrong room. Alcoves in the whitewash walls had been made into geometric shelves, which were stacked with toffee coloured bears and thin paper backs. As Sasuke walked towards it, he noted that everything on the shelf was covered in a filmy layer of dust. Nothing in this room had been disturbed in a long time, none of the toys or books taken down to be played with, they were purely there for show.

Then he saw it, beneath the only window in the room, a cot. The bars of the cot were high and white like a cell, each bar perfectly straight and radiating the stench of disinfectant. Sasuke inched towards the cot and felt the air leave his lungs.

He had seen pictures of baby Shin when he and Naruto had rifled through the adoption catalogue. It had felt wrong in a sense, picking your child the same way you pick your Chinese takeaway order. A picture hadn't done Shin justice, however. He was all swan's down in human form. Feathery white blonde hair, skin like the lunar nimbus, and so small he could've just hatched from an egg. His eyes were a giveaway as to his strangeness that made him perfect for their choosing, a sort of rosy colour, the affect of albinism.

Sasuke had spent so long festering over whether he was good enough, brave enough, strong enough. Gazing down at Shin he understood, here was his child, and he would never be enough, nobody would ever be enough…But it was his role in the world now, to try.

* * *

 **Shisui**

Shisui stood under a confection of tinsel and polystyrene robins, watching as Mitsuki bounced a basket ball between his ghostly palms.

"Boo, winter," Shisui sighed, eyeing the channels of black ice that ran alongside their school courtyard.

"Such a coward," Mitsuki scoffed, dropping his own skateboard onto the ground and mounting it.

"Yeah, and I'll still be a coward when you're in a neck brace," Shisui smirked, watching Mitsuki sail passed, picking up speed alarming as his wheels met with ice.

"Yo!" He turned at the shout and fought a smile when Sumire came into sight, puffing down the maths block steps. Her braids, which clanged around his ribcage, flew behind her like handlebars. "Thanks for waiting," she jerked her chin and fished in her pocket for a stick of gum.

"It's been a slow day," Shisui lied casually, watching her place the violet stick in her mouth, the sugar powder melting on her tongue.

"Really? I thought they were doing a double deal down laser quest?" She eyed him, snatching the Cola out of his bag and smirking when he floundered for a comeback.

"Yeah well – and stop getting your lady germs all over my stuff," he made to rip the drink back off her; but she danced out of his reach, swigging from the bottle.

"Come into town with me?" She asked, breathless as she took the bottle from her lips.

"Why?" Shisui scrutinized her, "what're you up to?"

"Nothing, the Christmas lights," she glowered at him and Shisui made a little sound of realisation. "I know you normally do that wholesome thing and go with your parents, but they're out of town, so I'm doing the charitable thing and taking your sad ass." She winked at him and Shisui rolled his eyes.

"And if I say no?"

"You won't," she grinned.

And he didn't.

* * *

"…I just find personal statements so obnoxious, I just don't know what to write," Sumire complained, nibbling the cloud of candyfloss they were sharing.

"I get that," Shisui agreed, "I reckon I could write one for you," he mused, tearing off a hunk of pink fluff.

"Oh God," Sumire snorted, "that would be awful, you'd be so rude," she put on her best 'dude' voice before saying, "one time Sumire got travel sick when we were kids, and heaved in my Pirates of The Caribbean trainers, it was so gross and I cried."

"I didn't cry!" Shisui spluttered indignantly.

"Your soul is still crying, Shisui." She snorted and Shisui shoved a clump of candyfloss into her open mouth.

"I would've written: fierce, but you can forget that." Sumire's eyes went round and she made a little sound, looking sincerely touched. "Do you feel bad now?"

"Extremely," she nodded.

"You can buy us a slushie to share and I'll forget all about it," he winked at her.

As they worked their way around the bucket of blue ice, Sumire asked,

"Do you ever think about your Dad?"

"Which one?" Shisui asked, chasing a chip of ice around with his straw.

"Your biological one."

Shisui looked up at her. The throng of Christmas lights strung between oak trees, were reflecting in her luminescent eyes and leaving smears of technicolour all over her olive cheeks. She looked wary, almost afraid, like she wasn't sure if she had crossed a line. It was an unbearable look on her, who he preferred to see all limitless fire and fight.

"Itachi, no," he shook his head and then left a pause before going on, "my Dad – Sasuke Dad – he told me this fairy-story that my real dad, Itachi, was a cartographer and was off exploring the world. It was a pretty cute story and I believed it until I was like, thirteen." Shisui admitted with a shrug.

"Why did you stop?" Sumire asked, looking pained before Shisui even had a chance to respond.

"So, my dad had this super important meeting at the council. He was banging on about it for ages, you probably remember. Then the day of the meeting, I was down the skatepark and I broke my arm. Dad sacked off his meeting right in the middle to come be with me in the hospital. I remember he was fucking furious and I was banned from skating for like half a year. But, it kind of hit me then, that's what a parent does, you know? They're always there, to be worried, to be pissed off. I kind of guessed then that Itachi had made the choice to leave my life, and weirdly I wasn't upset, because I've been lucky enough to gain two dads who are irritatingly wholesome." Shisui smiled, kicking away a pebble which had a chalk drawing scrawled on it.

"That's amazing," Sumire whispered.

"Not really, I never knew Itachi Uchiha, he could be dead for all I know," Shisui laughed awkwardly.

* * *

 **December 1st**

"Magnificent."

"What shape, _what majesty_."

"I think I'm in love."

Naruto, Kiba, and Temari stood back to admire the six-foot white spruce they had wrestled into the Uzumaki's front room.

Sasuke lingered by the fireplace, witheringly watching the top of the spruce make aim for his light fixtures but biting back any complaints at the risk of being branded a Grinch. Instead he fidgeted idly with the festoons of pontietta and holly that Sai and Ino had dropped off before being called up the very expensive and private art club on account of their wild child, Inojin.

"Here, have Christmas in a mug," Shikamaru appeared with a festive tankard and extended it to Sasuke, who gave it a sniff. It smelt like cinnamon, lemons, star anise, and unmistakably booze.

"What is it?" Sasuke eyed it shrewdly, he'd been friends with his friends long enough to know to look a gift horse straight in it's potentially laxative laced mouth.

"Spiced cider," Shikamaru explained and then to Shikadai, "get off your bloody phone, boy! Go play with your cousin or something."

Shikadai threw his father a look of disgust, lowering the iPhone only slightly.

"Play? How old do you think I am, Dad?" He asked irritably and Shikamaru raised his hands looking weary.

"Sorry," then he threw a sharp look at Sasuke, "teenagers – I hate them."

Sasuke watched Shikadai join his mother beside the Christmas tree, where both she and Kiba squeezed his shoulders. His miasma of friends was a funny family, but a tight one. Sasuke recalled a time, very bitterly, when Shikadai had been tweezed from his family due to the betrayal of one of their so-called friends. That friend was still in a prison cell, not for her original offense, but the string of misdemeanours committed following her release.

"I can't believe you're not actually going to be here for Christmas day," Shikamaru sighed, swilling his brew.

"Cornwall calls," Sasuke grinned and Shikamaru made a sick sound.

"How disgustingly quaint," he complained.

"Well, the adoption will have gone through by then…" Sasuke began, but something caught his eye, "will you excuse me?" Sasuke set the tankard down and headed towards the staircase.

Shisui was stood halfway up the yawning staircase. The sconce lights lashed to the walls were off, throwing the entire space into a dusty darkness.

"Shisui?" Sasuke stopped a few steps down from his son.

He followed Shisui's stare, and found that it landed on an unloved frame amidst the many duck egg blue driftwood numbers. This frame was thin and cheap, with a thin and cheap person posed behind its protective glass.

"Is that?" Shisui pointed limply to the man.

"Yeah," Sasuke said softly, "that's my brother, Itachi. That's your dad."

It was an ancient photo. Taken years before Shisui was born. Judging by Itachi's attire and the ugly salmon background, it was a school photo, taken at their old secondary school in Arundel before Itachi dropped out. It was the healthiest Sasuke could ever remember seeing Itachi. His brother's aphotic eyes glittered with nascent life, lips pulled back over teeth only slightly yellowed by tobacco and hash – not yet on the smack. It was like looking at a painting of the brother Sasuke wished he remembered, not the one he was haunted by.

"I don't look like him," Shisui spoke crisply.

"No, you don't," Sasuke said it like he was acknowledging it for the first time – like he hadn't spent the first year Shisui had lived with them looking for parallels between him and Itachi. There were none.

"You don't talk about him," Shisui went on.

"I don't," Sasuke admitted.

"You didn't get on," it wasn't a question, it was an observation.

"No." Sasuke confessed.

There was a pause and then,

"Is he still alive?"

"No," Sasuke answered honestly and gently, not looking at the picture, but what little of Shisui's face he could see. He saw Shisui's face twitch, in pain? Knowing? Acceptance? Sasuke didn't understand.

"Was he a bad guy?"

"No, he was a complicated guy," Sasuke told him quietly, leaning on the wall and folding his arms across his chest. "I can take you to where he's buried any time you want – whenever you're ready."

"Not yet." Shisui whispered.

* * *

 **December 24th - Present.**

Sasuke had ignored the shrieking for as long as he could possibly get away with. Looping his legs over the edge of the bed, he winced; it was in the winter months that Sasuke felt the remnants of the damage that he'd done to his bones. Bone-ache was the kind of pain that made you freeze up and take deep rattling breaths just to stop yourself vomiting. Pain in your bones felt weird and the longer it lasted, the more depressing it became.

Just a shadow on his bones of the shit he'd done to himself.

With a sigh, Sasuke padded through the Cornish cottage, stretching his arms over his head in an attempt to ring his spine out.

"I'm here," he spoke groggily into the moonlight, feeling blindly for the fairy light switch. "Shush shush," he murmured, moving towards the oak cot.

Shin was kicking his tiny feet beneath the patchwork blanket that Ino's mother had crocheted for him. He didn't ever sleep well, and that wasn't his fault. Upon seeing Sasuke's face though, Shin's teary face cleared into an expression of juvenile relief.

"Hello," Sasuke cooed, extracting Shin and his blanket from the cot. With a glance to the ladybird clock on the wall he smiled sleepily at Shin. "Two AM, a whole two hours and a half sleep for me, that's fifteen minutes more than last night – good job!" And he really meant it.

Unlatching the French doors at the back of Shin's nursery, he carried the baby outside. The holiday cottage backed directly onto Mousehole Beach. Some beach violets skimmed Sasuke's calves as he stopped to look out at the sea. A few dory's bobbed close to the shoreline, and in the distance the glimmer of a lighthouse bulb flickered. He pointed at the string of buoys floating and indicated the way the entire night sky reflected in the water, like the world had fallen upside down. Shin was silent, but he smiled and clung onto Sasuke's collar, craning his neck to see the bay in all its night time wonder. Shin wasn't the first that Sasuke had brought to see the stars in the water. When he and Naruto had first taken in Shisui, he'd had ferocious nightmares, the kind his mother put there. Every night they had stayed at the cottage, Sasuke had been woken by his foster son, and had taken him to see the stars, and the boats, and the little purple flowers. Until, eventually, they eclipsed the terrors in his brain.

"Two hours and a half," Someone spoke from behind him and Sasuke turned.

Naruto was crossing the sand, barefoot, his golden hair wild as an eagle's nest in the coastal breeze.

"It's a record," Sasuke smiled, tucking Shin's head beneath his chin.

Naruto joined them, on the sandy dune, not looking quite awake as he considered the coastline. His unreal eyes swallowing the ocean, and the stars, and the moon, and recycling them as his brand of all-bright everything. Sasuke saw how grains of sand clung to the faint freckles on Naruto's cheekbones, and a hotness rose up his neck. Only a few hours ago, Naruto had supported himself on all fours above Sasuke, whispering his name over and over, until Sasuke had to pull him down. He still tasted just as exciting and fresh as their first kiss, only now there was a safety and sense of home to the flavour. Sasuke's chest felt raw where Naruto's wind chafed lips had trailed down his skin…

He shuddered.

"Here," Naruto took a step behind Sasuke and hung one of his own varsity jackets around Sasuke's shoulders.

"Thanks," Sasuke said tightly, keeping his gaze fixed ahead.

"I heard Shisui sneaking into Sumire's room," Naruto announced looking both annoyed and bemused.

"You gonna bust them?" Sasuke quizzed.

"Oh, for sure, but what can they actually do in ten minutes, that means I get ten peaceful and very proud moments with my husband?" Naruto grinned, knocking his shoulder against Sasuke's, and pinching Shin's cheek.

Sasuke smirked and then turned back, listening to the gentle hiss of waves crashing onto the beach. Blissful in his family's moment of content. This fragment of perfect eternity that he wasn't sure he deserved, but he'd landed, and had no intention of letting go of it.

* * *

Shisui slid into the guest bedroom. On the door frame were notches and numbers where his dads had made a record of his height over the years. Soon those marks would be joined by his new brother's, Shin.

"Sumire?" Sumire was rolled up, light a sausage roll in the quilts and olive-green throws. "Sumire?" He hissed again, and she grumbled.

"I'm sleeping, make it quick," she mumbled into her pillow.

Every Christmas, Sumire's father joined her family in Israel. Since she was twelve, Sumire had spent all her Christmases with Shisui's family. It was a wonder that he hadn't started to look at her like a sister. He hadn't though, not by a long shot.

"I didn't know what to get you for Christmas," he admitted, crouching beside the head of her bed.

She cracked an eyelid and peered at him, looking baleful.

"You serious? You've woken me up to tell me you forgot a gift?" She snapped.

"No," Shisui shook his head and licked his lips. "I got you a personal statement." He whispered.

This had her perplexed, so she raised herself on her elbows and watched him curiously.

"Sumire," he began, "This is your personal statement; you are my best friend, you have been since I don't know, the dawn of youth club. You are the cleverest person I know and the funniest. You are so fucking brave and the only person I can stay up on the phone to until five AM just talking about the wackiest shit…"

"The anatomy of a Shrinky Dink," Sumire giggled.

"Exactly. And I trust you with the person that I am, and the person that you make me want to be." He whispered, gazing into her eyes, feeling his heart dancing in his chest as he spoke.

Her lips parted, and a small puff of air escaped from between her lips.

"Shi…"

"And you're pretty hot, too," he smirked, which made her snort with laughter.

"Here," she bent and reached beneath the bed, pulling out a present wrapped in Christmas Paddington paper.

"Eurgh, you know that bear creeps me the fuck out." Shisui took the box gingerly.

"He loves marmalade, what's to hate?" Sumire smacked his arm and pressed the box closer to his chest. "Open it you baby."

Shisui unwrapped the package and frowned when he saw a shoe box.

"Dude, _shoes?_ "

"Just open it," she sighed, and he felt her watching as he pulled back the lid.

"HA! Oh my God, Pirates of the Caribbean trainers!" Shisui laughed out loud and looked up at a beaming Sumire.

"Now your soul can stop crying," she grinned. "Happy Christmas, Shisui," she whispered and leant forwards, brushing her lips against his.

It wasn't the chorus of angels singing, ground setting on fire, unicorns, and centaurs that he had imagined. It was better, because it was real. It was kind of clumsy, and a little bit awkward, and there was a moment when Shisui panicked his braces would slice her; but once they got the hang of it, it was perfect. They were perfect.

Everything was fine.

Everything was brilliant.

 _The End._

* * *

Hope you enjoyed - please review, I'm thinking of doing another story this summer break :)


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